25 Things People In FL Are Tired of Hearing

My friend Gary Hisel always tags me in the funniest posts (ie.,beer yoga). Sometimes it’s thoughtful things; mostly, they are just funny. I just like that he thinks of me. Recently, he posted ’25 things people in Florida are tired of hearing.” He was especially curious about #19 I thought I’d give my version of it.

1. “Wow, you live in Florida? You must go to the beach every day!”
Nope, I wish. The actual open water ocean beach is only 20 mins away from me with lights, bridges, and tourist traffic. The ocean (St. Joseph Sound) is only 5 mins away by car, 10 mins by bike. I don’t take advantage of it as much as I should. But when I do, I’m so grateful and can’t get over that we live in Florida. 

2. “Do you own any clothes besides flip-flops and swimsuits?”
I wear flip-flops all year around. Unless it’s raining. And I haven't been in a swimsuit since 1990. 

3. “Don’t you wonder what a real winter would be like?”
I remember what ‘real winters’ are like; it's why I moved. Winters in Florida are lovely. Favorite time of the year. 

4. “Have you ever been bitten by a shark?”

Being the overshare-er that I am, you would have heard about it already. But I did see a shark at the foamy shore when we first moved to Florida in Vero Beach. I told Rich, “I just saw a shark fin near shore, in the foam. “ He didn’t believe me until we saw it jump out of the water 15 minutes later because it was on a hook, fighting for it’s life. The fisherman reeled it in eventually. The poor shark had to be  exhausted. About 20 people stood around looking at it breathe on land. I started saying, softly, “Free Willy.” I did pet it and tell it to “hang in there, hopefully, they will set you free.” The fisherman eventually did. I wondered if he had survived after being out of the water for 15 minutes?

5. “Do you go to Disney World every weekend?”
Ha! No. Two words, “Orlando Traffic.” That is enough to take all the magic out of my desire to go every weekend. 

When we got married, we took our honeymoon to Disney World with four kids (Rich thought it would be a nice way to start off our marriage as a new blended family.) I don't remember what it was about, but we got into a huge fight at Epcot. He took his kids and I took Kevin and we went our separate ways. It wasn’t really the smartest idea since I had no idea where our car was parked. Miraculously, we found each other (kids in tow) in the sea of people; we took it as a sign we were meant to be together.
This Christmas, Rich and I are going to Disney for the first time in 31 years by ourselves. I trust that it will be a magical time.

6. "If you're from Florida, Where do you go on vacations?" 

I vacation in Florida. So many amazing coastal towns. I don't really have a need to go to Hawaii because I live in our own mainland Paradise. It always feels like we're on vacation. I do feel sorry for people who come down here for vacation and it's their last day. For us, it's just Thursday. 

7. “How far is that from Miami?”

About four and a half hours. Five hours with a potty break.

8. “I thought Florida was only for retirees!”
When we first moved to Vero Beach, it was a retiree community (to me). But, I now live in Dunedin; it's close to Tampa in Pinellas County. It’s a vibrant area. Lot’s of diversity. I meet people of all demographic groups here. That’s what I love about it. We experience more vacationers than retirees in our area. But those that I do know who are retired, they are living their best lives. 

9. “So, if you’re from Florida, where will you retire?”
We hope to remain here. See question #25. 

10. “I thought you would have a better tan!”
You’ll never see me with a dark tan. Although it doesn’t take much for me to get some color. Compared to people up north, I probably look tan. If I go for a short walk, under 30 minutes, I don’t put on sunscreen. And I don’t lay out on the beach. If I go to the beach, I look like Jackie Onassis: large brim hat and sunglasses, and clothes head to toe (no socks).  I had skin cancer in my 30s. I was told to be careful. My sun goddess worship days are over.

11. “What kind of sunscreen do you recommend?”
See #10. Anything organic. I don’t put chemicals on my face or body.

12. “Is there a gator in your backyard?”
No, but I have seen otters as big as a baby seal in the pond. I’ve seen a small gator on a walk with a friend at a nature reserve once.

13. “What does alligator taste like?”
I ate gator once years ago. I wouldn’t eat them now or even get a gator skin handbag. From what I remember, it tasted like a chewy, fishy chicken flavor (depending on how it’s cooked). 

14. “You must be an expert swimmer!”
I grew up with a pool in my backyard. I am an expert floater and doggy paddler. If I had to swim in the ocean, and it wasn’t too far from shore, and there wasn’t a rip tide current, and I didn’t panic from fear, I could probably swim well enough to live to tell about it.

15. “Were you ever a lifeguard?”
No. And I wouldn’t swim in ocean waters without a nearby lifeguard. Otherwise, I’m only walking in ankle or knee deep water. 

16. “Oh, so you play beach volleyball, right?”
No, I’ll leave that to the young kids. I seem to bruise like a Georgia peach at my age.

17. “Have you seen a manatee?”
A few times. Once up close while out paddle-boarding. One of the manatees almost knocked my friend Randy into the water by bumping his board (I think on purpose). Randy had impressive balancing skills. I would have fallen in the water.

18. “Do you eat fish every day?”
I stopped eating fish after I watched the Plastic Ocean documentary. I'm happy to give it up to replenish and heal our ocean's ecosystem. 

19. “Is it true that you should pee on a jellyfish sting?”
Ha! I have no idea? I recommend going to beaches with lifeguards. If they have a purple flag on the lifeguard station, stay out of the water; there may be dangerous sea creatures lurking. That said, if I knew it worked for sure, I'd totally do it. 

20. “You only have palm trees, right?”

That’s what I thought too. But they have the coolest trees: banyans, oaks, elm, bamboo, shade trees. That reminds me, I need to go hug some trees soon.

21. “How often do you make fresh-squeezed orange juice?”
I only drink fresh orange juice if I go to the Fenway as a treat. Or, if my friend Denise lets me have a few of the fresh oranges hanging off her orange tree.

22. “What’s the difference between UF and FSU?”
I have no idea. I haven’t made the switch yet to watch Florida sports. If I had to pick one, I’d probably watch the Bolt Hockey team. Although, I could be persuaded to go to a Blue Jays or Phillies baseball game. The Blue Jays spring training is here in Dunedin. The Phillies are next door in Clearwater.

23. What about snakes?
“Why? Did you see one? Where? Wait, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.” Most of the time, I have to mentally pretend they don’t exist here. I know they do. I’m making progress on my snake phobia.

24. “What’s your plan for hurricane season?”
Road Trip!! West, North, or East depending on which direction it’s coming from. Do it early. The day the Governor announces it, get in the car within 2 hours and go. Otherwise, that night, there will be lines at the gas station. The next day, there will be no gas with sheriffs stationed out in front. Water bottles will be gone. We don’t drink from plastic water bottles anymore, so no worries there; we got a Berkey water filtration system (you could drink pond water from it). The Chief of Miami Dade told me if it’s a Cat 3 or above leave. But, Cat 1 or 2, the only issue will be power outages or flooding. I don’t do well in 90+degrees with no a/c. Too hot, and I’ll faint. So, for my health, we leave. Some people brave it out. Good for them. That won't be us. 

25. “Why would you ever want to leave?”
We wouldn't, we love Florida more than we ever dreamed. But, I have been taking lots of advice about the future (with climate change in mind). I was told by a risk analyst that Florida is going to become a very dangerous place if we don’t get to zero emissions asap. Ocean rising in Florida will happen. Storms are getting stronger and more damaging. People will need to relocate. Higher prices elsewhere will be driven up because of mass migration. We live in a coastal town. I can’t imagine my beloved seaside town suffering from the effects of Global Warming. We have a tentative back up plan--stay as long as we are able. 

If it's time to go, we are thinking Denver or Boulder CO. I hope we can live out our days in gratitude and peace here. I never take it for granted that we live in Paradise. 

Lastly, I never get tired of people asking me about Florida. I hope they come visit and experience it themselves. 😎🌴🌞

The Art of Art

I can’t remember how many times I went to the Art Institute with my grandmother in Chicago.
On our way into the vast Romanesque building, my grandma would say,
“You know those lions (those two famous aged, bronze statues that flank the entrance)?”
“Yeah?”
“They don’t know you.”
Then she’d laugh out loud; she loved that she stumped me with that joke, again. I wonder how many times I let her tell me that joke because I loved to hear her say, “They don’t know you.”

While I was growing up in the suburbs, my Gram lived in Chicago on the Northside near Foster Beach. Going to the city, affectionately known as ‘Grandma’s Village,’ was something I always looked forward to.  My Aunt, my Uncle, and my Grandmother all taught me to explore and appreciate all the culture of the city: the theater, the arts, the museums, the eclectic architecture, the zoo, the beaches, the fountains and river, of course the deep dish pizza.  My favorite thing to do was spend time with them; I have a lifetime of wonderful Chicago memories.

Going to the Art Institute was like going to church. It was sacred. Everyone was quiet or spoke softly. We wouldn’t dare think of raising our voices, arguing, or running around in the galleries. No, we walked from room to room with proper curiosity. I liked every thing there: from Monet to the Modern art.

There were some artists on my mom’s side of the family: my Aunt Alice, My Uncle Bob. My mother did crafts. My earliest art projects were macrame wall hangings and candle making; my first drawing was an Indian in a canoe. Most of my paintings were paint by number back then. When I got older, I did puffy paint shoes (which were novel by the way). And I made jewelry for a time too. But I always wanted to learn how to paint with acrylic. I had no direction. As a kid, I’d watch Bob Ross on PBS. He was so relaxing and kind when he’d paint waterfalls and mountains. I probably wasn’t a natural talent otherwise my parents would have provided more art supplies instead of a guitar (and I wasn’t very good at that either). Yet, something inside of me appreciates art to the point of wanting to learn.

When I moved to Dunedin, I enrolled in art classes at the Dunedin Fine Arts Center. I was actually terrified. Up until then, my only art experience was painting Care Bears on Kevin’s nursery walls. I thought I’d give abstract art a try because I could just move paint around and play. I don’t think you can screw up abstract too much. My Uncle Bob did abstract art; how hard could it be? I quickly realized abstract art had it’s own methods of balance and color and play. I liked doing it but would feel stressed in a larger art class. I know we are not supposed to compare ourselves, but I couldn’t help it. The ‘judgy artist’ in my head was ruthlessly critical. I knew I wasn’t good yet; I hadn’t painted long enough. The reason I know I suck is because I know good art. I’ve been going art museums since I was a little girl. I don't have natural talent. I had to press on if I was going to get passed the voice in my head telling me to give it up. 

And the little secret I learned about art, the VERY BEST PART is that Gesso is my friend. I can paint over everything I hate, and start all over again. Just like the “Hidden Women in Pablo Picasso’s The Old Guitarist. 

Picasso's Hidden Women under The Old Guitarist

My art teachers, Candy Schultheis, Lorraine Potocki, and Sue Adams were so patient with me. I see the wisdom of their feedback and change accordingly as much as my brain and fingers are able; it’s a good discipline practice in life to do something where others have to give you feedback to improve. I truly enjoy them as women and I admire their art so much. 

Cy Twombly-Philidephia Museum of Art 

My art will never hang at the Art Institute of Chicago or the Met in NYC. Unless, by some mad stroke of luck, someone mistakes me for the next Cy Twombly. It was Cy Twombly who helped me realize I am an artist (at least on a soul level). Art is subjective.  Andy Warhol says, “Art is what you can get away with.”  Most artists or musicians are tortured in their process until they become competent. I have moments when all I want to do is play with paint; the learning part of art is always harder for me. I won’t give up. I’ll keep putting myself before the blank canvas. After all, letting go of judgment, comparison, and expectations is a real art. 

 

Facing Your Isms

And it may well be that we will have to repent in this generation. Not merely for the vitriolic words and the violent actions of the bad people, but for the appalling silence and indifference of the good people. ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

Martin Luther King felt that his biggest struggle wasn't against the hatred of those who were bigots as much as the apathy of those who were decent and respectable. A lot of good people feel that they don’t personally have anything against people of color, while at the same time they fail to recognize the unfairness towards people of color that is built into the system. The latter is referred to as systemic or institutional bias (and it can also be toward women, the LGBTQ community, the disabled, the aged, etc) where some groups are advantaged or disadvantaged from the start. Most forms of systemic bias are unintentional and subtle.

For instance, if engineers construct a particular community, they may not have thought about people who are disabled. Consequently there are stairs, but no elevator. There are no ramps near the entrance, no bathroom stalls that can accommodate a wheel chair, etc.  This creates a disadvantage for people who are disabled. Even though the engineers didn't intend to discriminate, they did. Part of rising above prejudice and bigotry is noticing those points of unfairness that are not personal, but are more systemic, and doing something about it.

There is a moral obligation to those of us who have built-in advantages in the system to try and create a level playing field for those who are disadvantaged. This is what it means to overcome racism.

My friend, Sheri recommended this book called, "What If I Say The Wrong Thing", by Verna Myers. In this book she makes the distinction between personal bias and isms. Isms refer to the institutional barriers that our culture creates. So when someone says, “I’m not a racist” they may say that because they personally don’t have animosity toward all people of color. However, they may continue to blindly support a system that creates disadvantages for people of color. Which is still a form of racism. I’d call it passive racism and it is largely unconscious.

When you understand this distinction, it gives you a greater appreciation of why there is such a heated debate in our country the last few years. In many respects, it seems like the 1950s and 60’s revisited, where there are three groups of people: the deep-seated bigots; the indifferent bystanders; and the activists fighting for equal rights. The first group, the deep-seated bigots, have personal animosity against  particular groups of people (e.g., Blacks, Hispanics, Muslims, Jews, Atheists, Gays, Feminists, etc). The second group, the indifferent bystanders, are often decent, caring people who unconsciously support a system that is bias because they fail to see the social barriers that create injustice. Therefore they don’t speak out. The third group, the activists, realize the system needs to be fixed in order for there to be fairness and equality; that racism is more than just our individual attitudes, it includes a social system as well. The activists are often a pain in the ass to the first and second group because they won’t shut up. But when you care about someone else’s rights as much as your own, then you can’t be silent. Anymore than if your child was in the hospital and wasn’t getting the proper care or attention. You’d speak up and advocate for them. 

So when children are being taken away from their parents and put in cages; when blacks suffer disadvantages in education, job opportunities, pay disparity, and treatment by the justice system; when Muslims are banned from coming to our country because of fear-mongering; when gays or transgenders are treated differently in the military, activists respond in the same way as if it was happening to them personally. When we remain silent and indifferent it’s just racism of another form because we’re not caring for another person’s race as much as our own. 

Lately, I’ve seen many people trying to defend Donald Trump saying he’s not a racist. If you mean by that he doesn’t hate all people of color, you’re probably correct. But when we understand racism includes tolerating mistreatment of someone because of their race or ethnicity (that you wouldn't tolerate yourself), by that standard, he’s clearly a racist. When you say that someone (Ilhan Omar) should go back to their country of origin, simply because they disagree with you; and you call their homeland “a complete and total catastrophe, the worst most corrupt, and inept anywhere in the world”; when you refer to African nations as ‘shithole’ countries, by definition, you’re a racist. You are supporting a system that does not see all nationalities as equally worthy of dignity and respect, rather you are espousing the belief that some people are superior or inferior based on their country of origin. And when it’s brought to your attention that children and parents are suffering unimaginable emotional distress because they are separated just for seeking asylum, and you treat them like invaders and send your army as if you are being attacked. When you cram people by the hundreds in caged areas with subhuman conditions, you’re a racist who lacks compassion because of someone's ethnicity. This is not how we treat our own people, it is only how we treat "other" people. 

Here’s the bigger issue that is hard for a lot of people to comprehend: when you try to defend someone like Donald Trump, you’re also a racist, because you’re allowing the mistreatment to continue, and pretending that nothing wrong is happening. There will always be unfairness and discrimination until we see beyond our own personal concerns (the economy is good, I have job, my 401k is in tact, my political agenda is being advanced) and see the bigger picture of a social system that needs to be fixed.

We all need to separate our ism from our bias. So stop defending yourself by saying, “I'm not a racist, I have a black friend. I have a gay friend, or I’ve got nothing against blacks or Hispanics." If you're really not a racist, start supporting their cause. The next time you’re watching the news and there’s a Black Lives Matter demonstration, whose side are you on? The next time someone makes a disparaging remark about someone’s race or ethnicity, whose side are you on? The next time there’s a news piece on the abhorrent conditions of the immigrants in cages and detention centers, whose side are you on? Don't just focus on whether you are personally bias, think about the isms.

When you make friends with a person of color, you’re overcoming your personal bias. When you take the side of all people of color, when they are unfairly treated or disadvantaged by our social system, you’re overcoming your racism. 

Medical Hope

I have hope. 

For the past few years, I've been trying to take my health seriously. I became a whole food plant based vegan to heal my liver disease and kidney disfunction. It's been encouraging but slow going. 

There has been a lot to overcome: vegan stereotypes, judgment, cluelessness and manipulating restaurant servers and chefs, people pleasing, learning how to cook and travel as a vegan, insecurity around others, ignorance, and cultural food addictions just to name a few. But the hardest, most perplexing part has been my frustration with weight loss as a vegan. Why am I eating so well but not really losing weight? Why isn't my liver healing faster? 

I didn't have the answers yet. But my intention was to find out two things: How do I heal my liver? How do I loose the stubborn weight I've gained in the last 5 years since becoming post-menopausal. 

I was ready to get honest about a few things too. I had great stories and excuses for why I emotionally ate. But those stories are in my head, in the past, and don't serve me anymore. Dwelling on the past losses, disappointments, and diet misinformation is what got me to this place. It was time to stop pretending I was okay physically   when I really wasn't. 

Rich and I are always wondering why aren't we the skinny vegans you see at Whole Foods or in the yoga videos. Compared to the average person whose daily diet includes an Egg McMuffin for breakfast, to our oatmeal with flaxseed and banana, to their cheeseburger and fries for lunch, to our ginormous salad with beans, to their meat topped pizza with a coke for dinner, to our flatbread with water. Dammit, I even gave up drinking alcohol. Why do we weigh about the same weight as meat eaters?  Rich and I eat really well. Or so we thought. 

So what's a middle aged, post-menopausal vegan girl with liver disease to do? I needed more answers from doctors who were also eating the same way. I needed plant based medical experience and more education. I love my local doctor; she's a vegetarian. But she's young (child-bearing years) and is as thin as a rail. What does she know about shame, cellulite, or spandex? When my last liver ultrasound came back unchanged, I was desperate. I don't want to have a stroke, heart attack, or cancer. 

NC Black Mountains

I signed up for the Engine 2 Medical Immersion in North Carolina. I went a few weeks ago. It was life changing. And I'd highly recommend it for anyone who is actively pursuing health change, but needs more knowledge about lifestyle and behavior change, support, with some scientific resources and medical consultations. 

Two of the top doctors who are Plant-Based legends were at the immersion: Dr. Caldwell Esselstyn and Dr. Michael Klaper. (If you ever saw Forks Over Knives or What The Health or Cowspiracy it was those two amazing doctors.) I got to have one-on-one personal medical consultations with them. I'm so grateful that I did. What they both said will forever alter my health. They explained why I wasn't healing my liver fully and how I could lose weight safely and permanently. 

Let me first share about the immersion, and then tell you what the doctors said. 

We are unplugged in NC in the Black Mountains. It was gorgeous. We had beautiful 75 degree weather for the entire week. The Medical Immersion is hosted by Rip Esselstyn of Engine 2 books, also in Forks Over Knives documentary - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9LMezWH5DA 

Rip left being a firefighter and became a Healthy Plant Advocate and the creator of the no oil Engine 2 products (hummus, cereals, pizza crusts, etc) that are at Whole Foods. He too is a respected leader in the plant-based vegan world. He was joined at the immersion by his entire family, parents and siblings. We got to watch up close and personal his family live what they teach. They were all so joyful, approachable, and desire to serve. 

Rip Esselstyn

I was one of the first to arrive at the immersion (of course). I was just sitting there looking at my phone. A man walks over, puts out his hand and says, "You're here. Welcome." It was Rip. I must have looked hungry after getting up at 3 am to take two flights. All I had was a banana. He said, "Go down there to the dining room. They still have the staff lunch set out. Go eat. I'll see you soon." For the rest of the week, I watched Rip be a servant to everyone. I watched him light up when his wife and kids entered the room. I saw the passion and sense of mission he had to help 75 people become educated about 'true' healing plant based eating to reverse disease and gain quality of life. I've been to about 25 conferences in my life with all the yoga trainings and other jobs I've had. I've never been to one so engaging, supportive, intentional, and behaviorally transforming. 

We were up by 6am to get our biometrics (weight, blood pressure, and lipid panel). Because what you eat, the fat will show up in your blood and stay in your blood for hours (see Game Changers movie coming out this fall for more on that subject). We were encouraged to move throughout the event. You could go hiking, do yoga, amp it up with a HIIT class, or swim or walk, or break out into spontaneous dance with Jane Esselstyn. I hiked (in the forest with snakes and bears). I also took wonderful, gentle, restorative yoga classes 2x a day. After moving, we ate. Each meal we sat at a different table and met new people and heard their stories why they were there: they wanted to prevent the disease of cancer or diabetes that runs in their family, they had open heart surgery and were now on tons of meds or statin drugs. They had cancer, or their son committed suicided and they needed to take back their own health. Some men were sent by their wives; some knew they needed to be there or else they would die soon. Some were like me: vegans who had a health issue, knew about heathy eating, but were off enough in their trajectory they were missing the mark. We laughed. We got choked up and cried. We were a tribe of plant eaters who made friends over potatoes, lentil burgers, steamed greens, and all the fruit and veggies you wanted to eat. 

Me finishing the hike-Big dang deal! 

lentil burgers, hummus, salad

polenta, sweet potato, walnut sauce, tomato,  basil pesto, balsamic reduction 

I made fast friends with a woman named, Shari, from the Miami area. As the Universe would have it, I asked her if she happened to know the only lawyers in Miami Florida we were friends with. She did. She actually loved them dearly and worked with them both. That was a fun connection. And we both sat upfront (of course) for all the medical and nutritional lectures and were on the same page about everything being discussed. It was so wonderful to have a new like-minded friend. My roommate was so sweet too. But she was there with her brother and sister-in-law, so I was kinda on my own. I'm glad I met Shari from the beginning. We had a blast. 

My Florida yang to my yin, Shari

So let me get super honest. You know those selfies you see of me, ever wonder why I don't show my entire body? I don't have to tell you; you already know. I've had so much shame. Some days, I can't believe I look the way I do. What has happened in the last 5 years has shocked me. And I know what it's like when I see someone whose gained weight. It's the first thing you notice. But this week in NC something shifted for me. I'm not afraid anymore to be real. I know why I gained that weight. I know how to FINALLY take it off and keep it off. 

Not a selfie - Rip & Shari & Me 

And, I'd like to be even more real (for a purpose)  moving forward. So here goes: I was 190.8lbs when I started the medical immersion. A week later, I lost 6.4lbs. And returning home, I lost a total of 10lbs. I lost 10lbs in two weeks! Now, if you know me, you know that this is nothing short of a miracle. In the past, I would lose a 1/2-lb after a week of working out like a fanatic and eating perfect. I didn't do that in NC. I took it easy at the immersion on purpose; I put myself in a relaxed, open mindset. I was there to learn. I was there to get medical facts and the truth. I ate so much plant based food--especially fruit. There was no way after eating all that food and fruit did I think I was going to lose weight. How did this happen? 

Actually it was just science and the healing benefits of eating ONLY plant strong, no oil, nutritionally dense meals. 

There are billion dollar industries like the big pharma, insurance, diet, fast food, etc., that don't even need to exist according to Dr. Caldwell Esselstyn. 

If you are unable to reverse your cardiovascular or kidney disease, lower your blood pressure, reverse your diabetes, lose weight, get off allergy meds, reverse erectile disfunction, and keep your risk of cancer low (by avoiding meat based protein and dairy), then eating this way is an option. It may truly be the only option. It was for me. Most importantly, it's working and I am seeing my health consistently getting better.

I want to share what Dr. Esselstyn and Dr. Klaper said to me in my private consultations. In a lot of ways, they both said the same things. Dr. Caldwell Esselstyn was the velvet hammer. Dr. Klaper was like meeting the plant Pope. 

Dr. Caldwell Esselstyn

Dr. Michael Klaper

Throughout the entire medical immersion, they reinforced with nutritional data the benefits of eating whole food plant based no oil, no processed vegan 'frankenfoods' or baked goods (crackers, breads, cookies, etc). Why? Because they all have oil. Oil is damaging to the endothelium cells in the lining of our arteries, and puts us at risk for cardiovascular disease. Even those Beyond Burgers and Impossible Burgers that are delicious and a great transition vegan food, they are full of fat and soy protein isolates. All week long, the doctors reminded us to increase our greens (to heal our arteries) eat only plant-strong meals, and absolutely 100% no oil. 

Dr E: Hi Kim. Tell me your situation.
Me: Blah blah blah... I can't heal my liver and lose weight. 
Dr E: How long have you been eating 100% plant based no oil? 
Me: Um, I do really well. I eat 95% at home. You know, the occasional flat bread or tortilla will have oil. And when I'm out of town or eating out with my husband or friends, I'd say I was about 80-85%. 
Dr E: How long have you been 100%? 
Me: Um, if you put it that way, I guess, never. 
Dr E: So then, you're NOT treating your disease. 
Me: *Sitting in shock at the obvious* 
Dr E: Kim, you have to be 100% if you ever want to heal your liver. You can't have any oil and no baked goods. 
Me: *Sitting there feeling like he knew I ate Whole Foods Vegan Chocolate Chip cookies once a week as a reward for existing on this planet.* 
Dr E: Your only going to heal your liver when you heal your endothelium cells in the lining of your arteries, which brings healthy blood flow to your liver. That is when you'll lose the weight. 
Me: It's difficult because we travel and socialize and eat out a lot as empty nesters. That's where I get in trouble, I think. I mean, I eat healthy. But there is oil in things I eat. 
Dr E: Nobody is putting a gun to your head. 
Me: I know. 
Dr E: Why would you ever want to injure your endothelium cells? 
Me: *I basically got a crash course on the science of repairing my endothelium cell an hour earlier.*  
Me: I don't want to do that.  I just don't know how to sustain eating this way when I eat out or travel. Eating at home will be easy. My husband is super supportive and wants to eat this way too for his own health. 
Dr E: *Looking at me as if my life depended on it* 
Dr E: When you are out, you tell them, "I'm deathly allergic to oil. I'm under the care of a doctor from the Cleveland Clinic, I can't have oil." 
Me: That sounds great. I have always envied your patients who get to be in your studies. 
Dr E: It is great. And you're going to lose the weight and feel better in no time at all. This is not going to be a problem for you. Just stay 100%. 
Me: Okay, I will. Thank you so much, Dr. Esselstyn. I came to this immersion to learn from you and to have you tell me the truth. I need to hear this from you. 
Dr E: *Big smile Shakes my hand* 

That was one of the most lightening bolt conversations about my health I have ever had. I knew from seeing Dr. Esselstyn's research he doesn't mess around with his patients by coddling them. I'll never forget that conversation as long as I live.  

Dr Klaper was a little different in tone. But his truth was the same. I have a non-sexual fangirl crush on Dr. Klaper. He's so smart and adorable. I was sorta giddy in his presence.  

First I gave him my health profile. 

Dr K: So, this liver disease and weight loss issue problem is not a problem. 
Me: Really? *Shocked* 
Dr K: Sure. This is a blip on the screen.You know what you need to do now. Eat more green and yellow vegetables. 
Dr K: *pulls up a picture of organs and liver on his laptop* 
Dr K: See that? *pointing to the liver and intestines* 
Me: Yes. 
Dr K: Look how close your liver is to your intestines (where you get all your nutrition). Your liver has been in distress for years. Oil and bakery, flour products will do that. 
Me: *shit, he knows I eat Whole Food vegan cookies too.* 
Dr K: The blood runs through here (intestines), right to your liver. If you don't cheat, in fact, you can't cheat, you'll be fine. 
Me: Really? *Mild state of shock* 
Dr K: Sure *with the biggest smile on his face*
Me: Yeah, but, how do I sustain this? I've never been able to sustain a diet for longer than 6 months.
Me: Wait a minute. Well, I guess I've been vegan for 2-1/2 years. So there's that. 
Dr K: It's the food. Welcome to Camp Stop Kidding yourself. You don't ever have to diet again. This is what your body was created to eat. 
Me: Your right. I intuitively know that. 
Dr K: You're going to lose the weight. Your liver is going to be fine in no time at all. 
Me: *In tears because he just gave me the hope I came to hear.* 
Me: May I ask you one last question?
Dr K: Sure *same bright smile* 
Me: I'm not hungry in the morning, ever. My husband wants to eat when he wakes up. Do I have to force myself to eat when I'm not hungry just so I eat enough calories as a vegan. 
Dr K: * Still smiling because he probably has answered this question a thousand times before.* 
Dr K: No, you can fast for as long as you like until you're hungry. Eat when you're hungry. Don't eat if you're not hungry. Humans have been doing that for hundreds of thousands of years. Even lions don't eat meat 3x a day. 
Me: Good point. 
Dr K: Intermittent fasting is good. Just do what your body is telling you to do. It's that simple. 
Me: Sounds good. 
Dr K: * parting words* 
Dr K: 100%. No Oil. No cheating. Walk every day that you can too. 
Me: Got it. Thank you, Dr Klaper. May I give you a hug? You gave me so much hope. 
Dr K: Sure    
Me: *Blushing* 

How many times have you gone to the doctor, you told them your problem and they gave you a Rx? 
This has been my experience. Doctors don't want to offend people. They know they have food addiction issues. But they don't help them with those kinds of addictions. They take the path of least resistance and they give out pills. Stop handing out pills! All they have to do is tell people the truth; tell them to exercise, eat more vegetables, and don't come back. Dr. Esselstyn says it's unconscionable and immoral that doctors break their hippocratic oath by only treating symptoms and not the real problem: the food and the behavior. 

Yes, what Rich and I are now doing is pretty radical. But as far as I'm concerned, it's Welcome to Camp Stop Kidding Yourself. I can do this, because I'm pretty radical too, and can be disciplined when I need to be. That said, I will need your help, friends. When we are together, you eat what you want to eat. Enjoy. Stop saying sorry when your house smells like bacon or pork. Stop saying sorry when you want to eat a steak in front of me. I don't care. Well, I do care for your endothelium cells now and your arteries. But I've been in your shoes; I used to love those foods too; I know how hard it is to give it up; and I know how much you love food (meat/cheese) and hate eating veggies. 

However, I'll need some grace when we eat out together. You'll have to listen to me over and over be a PITA (pain in the ass) with the chef or server telling them, "I'm under doctors orders, I can't have any oil in my food." Please support me and don't judge. Otherwise, I can't eat out with you. Some places will be accommodating. Some places, I won't ever have to say anything. And, there may be times when there will be nothing for me to eat. That's okay. I won't starve. Don't feel bad for me. I'll get better at bringing something for me to eat, like a big apple. I'm not there for the food anymore. I'm there for the company. For now, eating this way just seems right for me. I want to focus on a sustainable health span vs typical life span. My new motto is "nothing tastes as good as healthy feels."

Happy Feet

When we moved to Florida we told ourselves with our 'one and only life' we're going to 'live in the moment' and enjoy it. 

Eckhart Tolle says, if you don't create new experiences or conversations, you'll constantly talk about the past (people or situations).  Our conditioned brain defaults back to old thinking patterns and stories unless we make new observations in the present. Sometimes, all we have in common are those old stories with friends, family, or partners. Do you ever feel stagnant or dull in your spirit? Do you project that on to others? We can easily stay stuck in the past--always trying to recreate the 'good times.' 

There is a whole inner and outer world out there to engage and explore. So, let's SALSA! Eat it or Dance it or both! 

We started taking salsa dance lessons. (Honest, it wasn't my idea; but I think I've dropped enough hints over 30 years, that it telepathically dropped into Rich's subconscious. Although, NOT as dramatic as Ben Stiller's salsa dance moves in Along Came Polly.) 

Rich got us Beginners Salsa Dancing lessons at Simone Salsa in Tampa; a real professional teacher at a real professional dance studio. I was completely impressed. This will force us to get out of our comfort zone and be completely in the present moment! 

Simone is a wonderful teacher. Rich is a drummer with absolutely no sense of dancing rhythm (hard to believe, but it's true.) I've never danced Salsa, so I'm excited to learn from her. We go once a week; but you can go as many times as you like during the week to practice; they just want you to practice and have fun. And on Friday nights, they have open salsa dance night (that's like an extra built-in date night). There will probably be salsa and chips before or afterwards. 

What I like about dancing, besides looking into my hunky husband's eyes, is that it forces us to get into our bodies. We'll both have to notice those judgy thoughts of insecurity and incompetence for a while. Practice. Practice. Practice. I'll be forced to let Rich lead;  he'll be forced to let go and finally shake his hips. But we'll be making new memories and new neural pathways. It will be fun to learn together in the moment. "Life is the Dancer and you are the Dance." Eckhart Tolle. 

  

New Kid On The Block

When I left Chicago after 52 years, I did a goodbye tour. I said goodbye to all my favorite places. I said goodbye to all my favorite friends. My sister-in-law, Patti, and I got together at a bistro; it was my goodbye dinner with her. Over the decades, we spent many lunch and dinners together and marathon phone calls. We grew up together as adults. She knew my good, bad, and ugly and loved me. And vice versa.

One of the last things she said to me after we hugged goodbye, as I was walking to my car, "Good luck making friends." My first thought was I've never had a hard time making friends. I was blessed throughout my lifetime with incredible friends; I considered my sister-in-law one of them. The story I told myself in my head was she was cursing me for leaving. But she wasn't. She knew something I was naive about: as we get older, as our life ebbs and flows, as we move or transition, it's harder and harder to make good friends. My sister-in-law is famous for a few things: her chocolate chip cookies, being direct and being right. She was so right. And it crushed me when I moved to Florida.

My first few years in Vero Beach, I only made a few friends. But they had busy, important lives. They had longer established friendship circles that I didn't fit in with. I felt suffocatingly lonely. When I'd go to a coffee shop I'd look for someone my age (Vero is an older demographic). I'd pray she would look my way so we could make a connection and have a conversation. I was pathetic. Vero Beach was a lovely town, but I just didn't feel like I belonged. I didn't feel known. It was a conservative (religiously and politically) town. But it wasn't for lack of trying. I put myself out there all the time.

Sometimes I wanted to put an ad in the newspaper: Looking for close friends: Must be a compassionate, nice person. Must love and care about your flawed kids, husband, partner, friends. Must not have too much drama in your life. If you do, you must be actively working on your own stuff. I'll work on mine, you work on yours. Must be spiritual but not religious. Must be solution oriented. Must lift up women. Must not be a mean gossiping bitch. If you can't say something to someone else's face, don't tell me about it. If you need support trying to figure out how to resolve a conflict, I'll listen. But then let's move forward. Must have integrity. Must be open to learn and be curious about others and new ideas. Must not monopolize the conversation all the time; we take turns doing that. Must like to read, grow, and be self-reflective (not every day, just in general). If you like the Housewives of Orange County, I'm probably not the person you want to talk about with that; I don't watch soap operas anymore. But do love to binge-watch Netflix. Must return a text message or PMs in an appropriate amount of time (24 hours). If you don't return the text, the story I tell myself is you're not really interested in being friends; I know you have that phone with you 24/7. Speaking of phone, must stay off phone while out to lunch unless you're taking a picture to post on Instagram, or your kids, partner, or your doctor may call. Put the phone away; pretend it's 1980; Otherwise, I'm secretly judging you; I want to be friends with someone my age, not a Millennial. Must always let me drive (I have PTSD from a past accident. You don't want me as a passenger; trust me). Must accept mild germaphobes. And lastly, must be an animal lover. Must allow me to talk about my dog like he was my kid.  

Too much? I heard my sister-in-law in my head, "Good luck making friends." 

Since my vocation is one where I work with clients one-on-one, I don't meet a lot of people at a conventional job. And I don't go to church anymore; for a million reasons; but that's another blog. I don't drink anymore because I'm healing my liver and kidneys (not from drinking, but from too much fat in my diet---cheese particularly); so partying at a bar is out.
I'd go to a yoga studio or Orange Theory but the women were in and out; no real chit chatting. So, my opportunities were limited. While I loved that I moved to Florida, I thought I may have made a terrible mistake leaving the best friends I ever had back home in Chicago.

When we decided to move to Dunedin, I was excited. Everything about this new town seemed intuitively right. I told Rich that my job the first year was to figure out a way to make friends and become a part of the community-become known.

I started with volunteering at the local Dunedin Fine Arts Center. It was a lovely, safe entry into my community. Art people are funky cool and so nice. I got to know some wonderful people and I really enjoyed volunteering for this vibrant art center. And I started taking art classes there. That was nice too; but artists are really focused on their art. I kept waiting for someone to say, "Want to do lunch?" I was playing it safe. Waiting for others to take the lead--trying to figure out my place in this super interesting, established art community.

I had to be more proactive. I turned to Facebook. I 'liked' a few local Dunedin FB groups to see what was happening in the community; seemed like a lot was happening. But there were not real friendship opportunities there. I decided to start my own local Dunedin women's FB group: Dunedin Women's Share & Connect. The share part was online in our group (sharing positive life stuff). The connect part was when we got together off of social media and hung out in person. And since we live in such a polarized country, we could not talk about religion or politics. We had to just meet each other where we were as women; suspend our bias long enough to see someone for who they were as a person. Overnight, our group went from 1 to 25 women. Soon we had 200. And as of last week, we had 300 women in our group.

DWSC was for women who lived in our community, and wanted to make local connections with other women around town. It was like a Meet-Up group within a private Facebook group. So if I wanted to go to a movie or sushi, I'd put out to our DWSC group, "Going to see this movie_______at 6pm on Thursday. Who wants to join me?" If someone wanted to go bike riding or kayaking, they would put out an invitation for a day and time, and women would show up. There were many women in the group who have lived in Dunedin for years. Others, like me, were Newbies; desperate to make friends.

Once a month, I would host a breakfast. 25-30 women would show up. DWSC collects food for the local Dunedin food pantry. They are the most generous women I've ever met. When the holidays came around, many women offered up their homes to join them for a holiday meal. If someone had a birthday, they bravely asked others to join them at a wine bar. There is vulnerability for all of us as we put ourselves out there. The women showed up to cheer and celebrate that person. If there is a parade in town (and there is just about every month), they put it on the group to meet up at the parades. If they want to do a day at the beach, they bring their chairs and sunscreen and relax together.

Not everyone participates or stays in the group; too many rules, too many women, they aren't ready, too many commitments to join in, fearful of women, or don't feel the vibe or have a real need. But each woman who joins, gets to dip their feet in the water to see if the group is for them or not. And they get to make it what they want by creating their own like-minded meet ups within the group. There are a few book clubs within the group. An entrepreneur group for all the DWSC women who have their own businesses. I don't come up with all the meet up ideas; I don't go to all the events or meet ups. It's an organic group that has a life of it's own now.

This was beyond humbling to see our group grow so quickly. And we had our share of growing pains.  I've had to say yes, no, or maybe when issues or problems popped up. Some times an agenda changed. Sometimes someone was mean or gossipy and they had to be removed. Rules had to be put in place; I felt so responsible to protect the women of our large group. That didn't always go over well. This tapped into my deepest fears around women when faced with push back, rejection, and gossip. But I was always met with overwhelming support and understanding behind the scenes too. I knew I wasn't going to make everyone happy as our group grew. I couldn't control what people might be saying about me; that killed me. But I always knew the intention of my heart and why I started the group: I wanted to build a community of women who were supportive, like-minded, fun, fearless, loving, understanding, active, interesting, and kind. Some have left the group; many have stayed. I put 3 new admins in place and updated guidelines to resolve the many questions and problems that pop up and took time away from living life. I don't make leading decisions all by myself anymore; I just give occasional input and vet all the Newbies. I'm grateful to those that have been patient with me through those growing pains.

We just celebrated DWSC 1-year anniversary over the weekend. I'd share some pictures of all our many events: movie nights, parades, beach days, wine nights, vegan lunches, etc. But, "what happens in DWSC stays in DWSC"--especially because women were trying to get jobs or wanted privacy; I have to honor that. I wish I could share their beautiful faces and tell you all the cool stories about their unique lives. But I'd be breaking one of my own rules.

Each woman has a remarkable, thoughtful story; their own version of triumph and even tragedy. It draws us closers in our sharing. We've all moved past: How long have you lived here? and Where did you grow up? Conversations are going deeper as we open ourselves up to vulnerability, caring, and connection. It's fun to run into each other at festivals, parades, art galleries, and the grocery store. Each of us long to belong and feel known on some level in our community. It's been a thrill to grow and learn with them. And I can say, I truly feel known and at home here in Dunedin.

If you ever have to move to a new location. I highly recommend starting a private Facebook group. I think about the quote from Georgia O'Keeffe: Nobody sees a flower--really--it's so small--we haven't time--and to see takes time, like to have a friend takes time. I think that's really what my sister-in-law meant. xoxo