My friend Gary Hisel always tags me in the funniest posts (ie.,beer yoga). Sometimes it’s thoughtful things; mostly, they are just funny. I just like that he thinks of me. Recently, he posted ’25 things people in Florida are tired of hearing.” He was especially curious about #19 I thought I’d give my version of it.
1. “Wow, you live in Florida? You must go to the beach every day!”
Nope, I wish. The actual open water ocean beach is only 20 mins away from me with lights, bridges, and tourist traffic. The ocean (St. Joseph Sound) is only 5 mins away by car, 10 mins by bike. I don’t take advantage of it as much as I should. But when I do, I’m so grateful and can’t get over that we live in Florida.
1. “Wow, you live in Florida? You must go to the beach every day!”
Nope, I wish. The actual open water ocean beach is only 20 mins away from me with lights, bridges, and tourist traffic. The ocean (St. Joseph Sound) is only 5 mins away by car, 10 mins by bike. I don’t take advantage of it as much as I should. But when I do, I’m so grateful and can’t get over that we live in Florida.
I wear flip-flops all year around. Unless it’s raining. And I haven't been in a swimsuit since 1990.
3. “Don’t you wonder what a real winter would be like?”
I remember what ‘real winters’ are like; it's why I moved. Winters in Florida are lovely. Favorite time of the year.
I remember what ‘real winters’ are like; it's why I moved. Winters in Florida are lovely. Favorite time of the year.
4. “Have you ever been bitten by a shark?”
Being the overshare-er that I am, you would have heard about it already. But I did see a shark at the foamy shore when we first moved to Florida in Vero Beach. I told Rich, “I just saw a shark fin near shore, in the foam. “ He didn’t believe me until we saw it jump out of the water 15 minutes later because it was on a hook, fighting for it’s life. The fisherman reeled it in eventually. The poor shark had to be exhausted. About 20 people stood around looking at it breathe on land. I started saying, softly, “Free Willy.” I did pet it and tell it to “hang in there, hopefully, they will set you free.” The fisherman eventually did. I wondered if he had survived after being out of the water for 15 minutes?
5. “Do you go to Disney World every weekend?”
Ha! No. Two words, “Orlando Traffic.” That is enough to take all the magic out of my desire to go every weekend.
Ha! No. Two words, “Orlando Traffic.” That is enough to take all the magic out of my desire to go every weekend.
When we got married, we took our honeymoon to Disney World with four kids (Rich thought it would be a nice way to start off our marriage as a new blended family.) I don't remember what it was about, but we got into a huge fight at Epcot. He took his kids and I took Kevin and we went our separate ways. It wasn’t really the smartest idea since I had no idea where our car was parked. Miraculously, we found each other (kids in tow) in the sea of people; we took it as a sign we were meant to be together.
This Christmas, Rich and I are going to Disney for the first time in 31 years by ourselves. I trust that it will be a magical time.
6. "If you're from Florida, Where do you go on vacations?"
I vacation in Florida. So many amazing coastal towns. I don't really have a need to go to Hawaii because I live in our own mainland Paradise. It always feels like we're on vacation. I do feel sorry for people who come down here for vacation and it's their last day. For us, it's just Thursday.
7. “How far is that from Miami?”
About four and a half hours. Five hours with a potty break.
8. “I thought Florida was only for retirees!”
When we first moved to Vero Beach, it was a retiree community (to me). But, I now live in Dunedin; it's close to Tampa in Pinellas County. It’s a vibrant area. Lot’s of diversity. I meet people of all demographic groups here. That’s what I love about it. We experience more vacationers than retirees in our area. But those that I do know who are retired, they are living their best lives.
8. “I thought Florida was only for retirees!”
When we first moved to Vero Beach, it was a retiree community (to me). But, I now live in Dunedin; it's close to Tampa in Pinellas County. It’s a vibrant area. Lot’s of diversity. I meet people of all demographic groups here. That’s what I love about it. We experience more vacationers than retirees in our area. But those that I do know who are retired, they are living their best lives.
9. “So, if you’re from Florida, where will you retire?”
We hope to remain here. See question #25.
We hope to remain here. See question #25.
10. “I thought you would have a better tan!”
You’ll never see me with a dark tan. Although it doesn’t take much for me to get some color. Compared to people up north, I probably look tan. If I go for a short walk, under 30 minutes, I don’t put on sunscreen. And I don’t lay out on the beach. If I go to the beach, I look like Jackie Onassis: large brim hat and sunglasses, and clothes head to toe (no socks). I had skin cancer in my 30s. I was told to be careful. My sun goddess worship days are over.
You’ll never see me with a dark tan. Although it doesn’t take much for me to get some color. Compared to people up north, I probably look tan. If I go for a short walk, under 30 minutes, I don’t put on sunscreen. And I don’t lay out on the beach. If I go to the beach, I look like Jackie Onassis: large brim hat and sunglasses, and clothes head to toe (no socks). I had skin cancer in my 30s. I was told to be careful. My sun goddess worship days are over.
See #10. Anything organic. I don’t put chemicals on my face or body.
12. “Is there a gator in your backyard?”
No, but I have seen otters as big as a baby seal in the pond. I’ve seen a small gator on a walk with a friend at a nature reserve once.
13. “What does alligator taste like?”
I ate gator once years ago. I wouldn’t eat them now or even get a gator skin handbag. From what I remember, it tasted like a chewy, fishy chicken flavor (depending on how it’s cooked).
14. “You must be an expert swimmer!”
I grew up with a pool in my backyard. I am an expert floater and doggy paddler. If I had to swim in the ocean, and it wasn’t too far from shore, and there wasn’t a rip tide current, and I didn’t panic from fear, I could probably swim well enough to live to tell about it.
15. “Were you ever a lifeguard?”
No. And I wouldn’t swim in ocean waters without a nearby lifeguard. Otherwise, I’m only walking in ankle or knee deep water.
16. “Oh, so you play beach volleyball, right?”
No, I’ll leave that to the young kids. I seem to bruise like a Georgia peach at my age.
17. “Have you seen a manatee?”
A few times. Once up close while out paddle-boarding. One of the manatees almost knocked my friend Randy into the water by bumping his board (I think on purpose). Randy had impressive balancing skills. I would have fallen in the water.
18. “Do you eat fish every day?”
I stopped eating fish after I watched the Plastic Ocean documentary. I'm happy to give it up to replenish and heal our ocean's ecosystem.
19. “Is it true that you should pee on a jellyfish sting?”
Ha! I have no idea? I recommend going to beaches with lifeguards. If they have a purple flag on the lifeguard station, stay out of the water; there may be dangerous sea creatures lurking. That said, if I knew it worked for sure, I'd totally do it.
20. “You only have palm trees, right?”
That’s what I thought too. But they have the coolest trees: banyans, oaks, elm, bamboo, shade trees. That reminds me, I need to go hug some trees soon.
21. “How often do you make fresh-squeezed orange juice?”
I only drink fresh orange juice if I go to the Fenway as a treat. Or, if my friend Denise lets me have a few of the fresh oranges hanging off her orange tree.
22. “What’s the difference between UF and FSU?”
I have no idea. I haven’t made the switch yet to watch Florida sports. If I had to pick one, I’d probably watch the Bolt Hockey team. Although, I could be persuaded to go to a Blue Jays or Phillies baseball game. The Blue Jays spring training is here in Dunedin. The Phillies are next door in Clearwater.
23. What about snakes?
“Why? Did you see one? Where? Wait, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.” Most of the time, I have to mentally pretend they don’t exist here. I know they do. I’m making progress on my snake phobia.
24. “What’s your plan for hurricane season?”
Road Trip!! West, North, or East depending on which direction it’s coming from. Do it early. The day the Governor announces it, get in the car within 2 hours and go. Otherwise, that night, there will be lines at the gas station. The next day, there will be no gas with sheriffs stationed out in front. Water bottles will be gone. We don’t drink from plastic water bottles anymore, so no worries there; we got a Berkey water filtration system (you could drink pond water from it). The Chief of Miami Dade told me if it’s a Cat 3 or above leave. But, Cat 1 or 2, the only issue will be power outages or flooding. I don’t do well in 90+degrees with no a/c. Too hot, and I’ll faint. So, for my health, we leave. Some people brave it out. Good for them. That won't be us.
25. “Why would you ever want to leave?”
We wouldn't, we love Florida more than we ever dreamed. But, I have been taking lots of advice about the future (with climate change in mind). I was told by a risk analyst that Florida is going to become a very dangerous place if we don’t get to zero emissions asap. Ocean rising in Florida will happen. Storms are getting stronger and more damaging. People will need to relocate. Higher prices elsewhere will be driven up because of mass migration. We live in a coastal town. I can’t imagine my beloved seaside town suffering from the effects of Global Warming. We have a tentative back up plan--stay as long as we are able.
“Why? Did you see one? Where? Wait, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.” Most of the time, I have to mentally pretend they don’t exist here. I know they do. I’m making progress on my snake phobia.
24. “What’s your plan for hurricane season?”
Road Trip!! West, North, or East depending on which direction it’s coming from. Do it early. The day the Governor announces it, get in the car within 2 hours and go. Otherwise, that night, there will be lines at the gas station. The next day, there will be no gas with sheriffs stationed out in front. Water bottles will be gone. We don’t drink from plastic water bottles anymore, so no worries there; we got a Berkey water filtration system (you could drink pond water from it). The Chief of Miami Dade told me if it’s a Cat 3 or above leave. But, Cat 1 or 2, the only issue will be power outages or flooding. I don’t do well in 90+degrees with no a/c. Too hot, and I’ll faint. So, for my health, we leave. Some people brave it out. Good for them. That won't be us.
25. “Why would you ever want to leave?”
We wouldn't, we love Florida more than we ever dreamed. But, I have been taking lots of advice about the future (with climate change in mind). I was told by a risk analyst that Florida is going to become a very dangerous place if we don’t get to zero emissions asap. Ocean rising in Florida will happen. Storms are getting stronger and more damaging. People will need to relocate. Higher prices elsewhere will be driven up because of mass migration. We live in a coastal town. I can’t imagine my beloved seaside town suffering from the effects of Global Warming. We have a tentative back up plan--stay as long as we are able.
If it's time to go, we are thinking Denver or Boulder CO. I hope we can live out our days in gratitude and peace here. I never take it for granted that we live in Paradise.
Lastly, I never get tired of people asking me about Florida. I hope they come visit and experience it themselves. 😎🌴🌞
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