The only thing I can write about this month is the Coronavirus. Covid 19 is here.
As I write, this is the beginning. Not the middle. It’s certainly not the end. As of March 29th, there are 2,112 deaths (according to the CDC website).
I saw this coming. Back in January, I remember telling Rich over the phone while he was out of town, “Something is happening in Wuhan China. They just shut down and quarantined 23 million people because of a virus. They are building two hospitals in 10 days.” My Spidey senses were on alert. I was going to watch this story.
The Chinese doctor who was the whistle blower, the man who told the world about the Covid19 story, sent a warning over the WeChat messaging app advising fellow med school grads to wear protective clothing to avoid infection because several patients from a local seafood market exhibited symptoms similar to SARS. Li Wenliang was 34 years old; he succumbed to this horrific respiratory disease on Feb 7th.
I have a friend from my Tibetan Terrier group who works for a Chinese airline. They were making dramatic changes in staff and cancelations. She was vacationing in the area. All of China shut down. Soon it spread to North Korea and Japan. Michelle wrote about it. We watched and worried if she’d get home or would they be delayed and quarantined.
Then the virus hopped over to Italy. That’s when I knew the gig was up. There was no denying this virus was not contained. Life as we knew it was going to change. Just like it changed Italy overnight.
Our country was slow to respond with testing and quarantine. We are Americans; we value our freedom and rights (sometimes at our own peril). The leadership in our government was minimizing Covid 19 and contradicting lead infectious disease scientists with an alternative narrative. Soon, Covid 19 was in Washington State. We were seeing a cruise liner with thousands of passengers stranded off CA circling out at sea. They had 21 confirmed coronavirus cases on the ship; but it was out to sea, right?
Then, the first Covid 19 death happened in our country at a nursing home in Washington State. The government told us all not to worry; soon it will be all over-in April when it gets warmer out; only seniors and people with compromised immune systems could contract the virus and die . But that has proven false and misleading. Over time, the coronavirus spread all over America.
I saw this coming. Back in January, I remember telling Rich over the phone while he was out of town, “Something is happening in Wuhan China. They just shut down and quarantined 23 million people because of a virus. They are building two hospitals in 10 days.” My Spidey senses were on alert. I was going to watch this story.
The Chinese doctor who was the whistle blower, the man who told the world about the Covid19 story, sent a warning over the WeChat messaging app advising fellow med school grads to wear protective clothing to avoid infection because several patients from a local seafood market exhibited symptoms similar to SARS. Li Wenliang was 34 years old; he succumbed to this horrific respiratory disease on Feb 7th.
I have a friend from my Tibetan Terrier group who works for a Chinese airline. They were making dramatic changes in staff and cancelations. She was vacationing in the area. All of China shut down. Soon it spread to North Korea and Japan. Michelle wrote about it. We watched and worried if she’d get home or would they be delayed and quarantined.
Then the virus hopped over to Italy. That’s when I knew the gig was up. There was no denying this virus was not contained. Life as we knew it was going to change. Just like it changed Italy overnight.
Our country was slow to respond with testing and quarantine. We are Americans; we value our freedom and rights (sometimes at our own peril). The leadership in our government was minimizing Covid 19 and contradicting lead infectious disease scientists with an alternative narrative. Soon, Covid 19 was in Washington State. We were seeing a cruise liner with thousands of passengers stranded off CA circling out at sea. They had 21 confirmed coronavirus cases on the ship; but it was out to sea, right?
Then, the first Covid 19 death happened in our country at a nursing home in Washington State. The government told us all not to worry; soon it will be all over-in April when it gets warmer out; only seniors and people with compromised immune systems could contract the virus and die . But that has proven false and misleading. Over time, the coronavirus spread all over America.
There is no vaccine or cure if you contract the virus and your immune system doesn’t have the strength to fight it. This Covid19 isn’t your normal flu. It’s a new virus. Our bodies have not been exposed to it before. It kicks grown men's asses. We don't have the antibodies yet to fight it.
There are not enough ventilators to meet the respiratory demand if this spreads throughout our nation’s hospitals. The only upside is that children are spared; however, they can be carriers. It’s spreading like wild fire because you can unknowingly contract the virus before symptoms appear. That’s’ why they ask people to self-quarantine for two weeks.
The first few months when it was happening outside America, I don’t think most people were even paying attention. Certainly, nobody expected that our economy or the sports world would shut down overnight. People took notice when Tom and Rita Hanks tested positive for Coronavirus in Australia. All of a sudden we knew someone we cared about who had the Coronavirus. This all happened on the same day.
Trump got Dr. Anthony Fauci, the head of the NIH, who advised 6 other presidents on HIV/AIDS, and other pathogenesis and treatments, to head up the Vice President’s Coronavirus Team. He picked the right person. I could write a whole blog about Trump’s actions during this time and my reactions to it. But, I’ll let history lay it out for all to see, Trump’s own words, Tweets, and actions. Future generation can decide for themselves. Personally, we’ve been through the Mueller Report, Impeachment Trial, and now this; those things were a walk-in-the-park. His leadership is frightening to me. I don't like the games he plays with America’s governors who are critical of the the administrations free enterprise response when they are in desperate need of help. People have died and will die. It's unforgiveable.
Thankfully, we have Dr. Fauci (he contradicts Trump often with the scientific facts). Fauci is at least giving us the factual representation of the coming pandemic; he’s not concerned with the Stock Market; he’s concerned with saving lives, bracing hospitals, and informing Americans of the seriousness of this pandemic. Even while Trump minimized the threat early on, Fauci got the administration to enact a country wide voluntary 15 day Shelter-In-Place to flatten the curve of the spread of the virus. And as of tonight, March 29th, the President said that the National advisory to Shelter-At-Home has been "extended to April 30th. And that if we don't do mitigation, there will be millions of deaths. And WITH mitigation, it could be 100,000 to 200,000 deaths." That is beyond anything our hearts can comprehend. But it's coming and it's grim news.
Social distancing was put in place; stand 6 feet apart. People were told to wash their hands (which boggles the mind that people were not already doing that). There was a run on toilet paper (as some feared that they would have to stay inside in quarantine with their families.
I’ve never loved Kevin so much for buying me a toilet seat attachment bidet for Christmas!
Now the Covid 19 virus is in NYC; it’s truly a war zone. I watch the confirmed cases go up daily, along with the number of deaths. But those numbers are not even accurate. They are two weeks behind. And we are months behind in testing to know the true scope of where the virus is in our country, and how many Americans are infected.
New York, once again is, in effect, a viral ground zero. The Governors of America are pleading daily with the Trump administration for help (financial relief, ventilators, PPE-personal protection equipment, and government oversight with the Defense Production Act). Nurses and doctors are posting moving pleas on social media for equipment daily. They are reporting what is happening since no reporters are allowed inside.
I am grateful to Gov. Cuomo for his daily pandemic briefings; they are concise and thorough and full of empathy and boldness. I appreciate his leadership for ‘such a time as this.’ He is America’s governor right now. Chicago, Detroit, NJ, and soon Florida will be in dire need as new hot spots. Florida Governor, Ron DeSantis, has refused to shut down Florida and didn’t close beaches until after spring break. Florida has an enormous senior population. In two or three weeks of this blog post, here in Paradise, there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. The death toll will be hard to comprehend in the months to come. The hospitals will bear a great burden it’s never seen before (even through past hurricanes).
New York, once again is, in effect, a viral ground zero. The Governors of America are pleading daily with the Trump administration for help (financial relief, ventilators, PPE-personal protection equipment, and government oversight with the Defense Production Act). Nurses and doctors are posting moving pleas on social media for equipment daily. They are reporting what is happening since no reporters are allowed inside.
I am grateful to Gov. Cuomo for his daily pandemic briefings; they are concise and thorough and full of empathy and boldness. I appreciate his leadership for ‘such a time as this.’ He is America’s governor right now. Chicago, Detroit, NJ, and soon Florida will be in dire need as new hot spots. Florida Governor, Ron DeSantis, has refused to shut down Florida and didn’t close beaches until after spring break. Florida has an enormous senior population. In two or three weeks of this blog post, here in Paradise, there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. The death toll will be hard to comprehend in the months to come. The hospitals will bear a great burden it’s never seen before (even through past hurricanes).
Something that is not being talked about right now, is additional disasters are looming with hurricane, tornado, and fire season coming; we have no plans for displaced infected people. And then there are the people who are in need of medical assistance such as diabetes, cancer, heart attack or stroke, and car accidents. There is not enough medical supplies, medicine, staff, or beds to help all those in compromising medical distress. People are going to die-lots of them. Over the next year, people we may know or people we care about are going to die. I’m already seeing people I know whose friends have died. It’s already heart wrenching watching the news and I don’t know these people; just their stories.
My dear friend, Roo, is in the hospital right now. He is a double transplant (heart and lung recipient). At first they thought he may have Covid19 because of his sudden pneumonia. He’s hanging on with a prayer and ventilator intervention. The part that is distressing for us all is to witness Erika, his sweet heart and wife, unable to be there with him because they can’t visit the hospital. She can’t hold his hand, pray over him, kiss his cheek, or keep him warm and comfortable. Their girls are missing their daddy and wish they could visit. This is a painful reality that none of us want to experience. People we love and adore will be left alone in a hospital during the pandemic; many will die alone.
I have a host of feelings that range from shock, sadness, rage, and personal fears that keep me vigilant and processing my feelings in the moment; it’s all I can do. There is no controlling this virus.
There is no blood sacrifice that I can paint over my door. Like the 10 Plagues brought on by Pharaoh’s resistance to bow to God and free the Israelites; I wonder if the Coronavirus will come to my door or pass on by? Will it take anyone in our family? Will it take me? Will this be my last year on earth? Will I be able to survive it with my lung struggles?
I’ve got respiratory issues from past bouts of pneumonia and bronchitis. For weeks, my lungs have felt heavy when I take a deep breath; and a dry cough comes out of nowhere. Are my lungs dealing with something? Or am I just feeling the weight and concern of humanity as we wait and watch together?
My biggest frustration is that we are not learning from history. People are still not taking seriously the importance of social distancing. They are putting themselves and others in harms way. At this point, it’s basic math and science, people. The sooner we all stop complaining and follow the rules, the sooner this will all go away and we can get back to a new normal.
Besides death and suffering with this disease, we have all been leveled economically. As of March 16th, consumerism stopped. My yoga therapy and coaching practice came to a stop. Everything Rich had in the hopper for RDR came to a halt. Like so many companies, universities, and schools are all trying to get on line to connect and continue business virtually. Zoom, Skype, and Google are really making out right now. Many smaller businesses or retail stores are out of luck until the virus goes away due to herd immunity or a vaccination (that’s a year or 18 months away). My brother and sister-in-law lost their jobs within days of each other. Over 3 million people became unemployed within one week.
Kevin drives a truck all over America. All the restaurants at the truck stops are closed. He was planning to get off the road after 3 long years. But, now this will keep him busy. America needs our truck drivers to keep food and medical supply lines open. I worry that he’s not getting a hot meal each night; eating Spaghetti O's or tuna in a can and crackers off the shelf. That's not very healthy. The good news, he’s an expert at social distancing; so being a truck driver may be to his advantage. (If I can just get him to stop vaping, I wouldn’t worry as much.) I feel so much gratitude to Kevin and other truck drivers. As well as others who are on the front lines making sure our country survives. They are heroes.
I’m wondering how much this virus has put us all in a reactive response state of fight, flight, freeze, or faint? Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs are physiological(food, water, warmth, sleep, sex, rest), safety(security, employment, healthy, property, protection), belonging(friends, lovers, family), esteem(respect, confidence, achievement), and self-actualization(morality, creativity, problem solving, lack of prejudice, acceptance of facts).
I have moments of going up and down the Hierarchy list--from feeling emotional and scared to problem solving and having a weird acceptance of it all. I’ve talked over worst-case scenarios with Rich. If we get the virus, die, or someone we love gets the virus, that is the worst case scenario. Period. Everything else after that is just the regular old impermanence of life; we all avoid that reality. When we get close to it, we feel pretty scared deep down. Will I experience PTSD from this? Or will I experience PTG (Post Traumatic Growth)?
My grandmother, Margaret Melley, was born in 1912. She lived to be 96 years old. I had dozens of conversations over the years about what it was like to grow up losing a father as a little girl, living though the Great Depression, WWII, and then losing her husband as a single mother if three. She told me stories: how she stood in bread and coffee lines, how they sewed and mended socks, how they only got an orange for Christmas and it was the best gift ever. She had an appreciation for all she had come through, and all her mother had to go through alone without a husband too. I would ask her how she dealt with all the hardships. She would always tell me without any drama in her words and a shrug of her shoulders, “It was all we knew. We just accepted it. What are you going to do?”
During this very difficult time, with many unknowns in our future, I hear my grandma in my head. She is keeping me balanced and brave. I realize that I come from a long line of strong women who have endured heartbreak and loss. WE all come from a long line of survivors; our ancestors have sustained awful trials and passed on their strong DNA. They are all inside of us right now. We are here because of them.
I am doing a lot of breath work each day to increase my lung strength. I’m eating healthy and not eating out-not even delivery. I may just become a skinny vegan after all. Rich and I are taking gratitude walks daily; sharing what we are thankful for all along our 3-mile walk-social distancing from everyone. Our friend Bruce has a mantra that we are adopting: "All I have is this moment. All I need is this moment. I am wrapped in God's love in this moment. May I be a refuge to those in need in this moment."
When 9/11 happened, initially it was localized in NYC, DC and PA. We were in shock and scared. We all immediately grieved as a country; we shared stories and hugged one another. Soon, we knew who killed Americans and our soldiers went off to war, thousands of miles away to defeat a known enemy in Afghanistan and then Iraq.
This time we can’t come together; we have to stay away from each other or risk infecting or killing someone with Covid19. This isn’t a national holiday; it’s an emergency of epic proportions. But we are all in this together as we stay away from each other.
My day in the sun as a “germaphobe” has finally arrived. Let the light shine bright and disinfect the hell out of everything. My new mantra is “Give me bleach or give me death.” You could eat off my floors now. I’m finding time to settle into my introverted self without feeling guilty or the responsibility to be anywhere. I can be at home in my PJ’s all day. C’mon, that’s pretty cool, isn’t it?
I’ve been getting up and meditating every day for about 10-20 minutes (sometimes Buddha joins us). I’ve been making every meal (since Rich is working non-stop to try to resurrect his 20 year training business and transition to virtual training). Even though we have financial concerns along with others, I’m oddly content and happy.
 |
| Buddha joins me for meditation |
Life has slowed down. I realize the only thing that is truly important: LOVE. I can’t control anything that is happening to us personally or to those I love or care about, or to my country. My only job right now is to reach out and stay connected to family and friends. I’m making time to call people. I'm using Zoom conversations or technology like Marco Polo (which is so fun). I put off so many conversations. Now, I have the time. We are doing our best to listen and comfort one another; laughing at the absurdity and pausing for the seriousness of it all. How does it get any better than that? I don’t know. But I look forward to how God and the Universe shows up and expresses itself fully-just as it’s supposed to be.
 |
| Talking to my friend on Marco Polo |
In the meantime, I’ll do my best to realize that what is happening is “all we know.” I’ll do my best to not fantasize and indulge about life as it should be-that will only keep me stuck in mental anguish and deplete my spiritual, emotional, and physical reserves.
We all want to feel connected during this forced global separation. We all want to belong. Let’s make sure everyone knows that they matter. Don’t let anyone feel alone during this time. Don’t wait for people to call you. Life is fragile and enduring. What we may realize now is that we are all truly interconnected. What affects one person affects us all.
 |
| A gift left on my doorstep from Lyric and Holly as we social distance. |
The world is on a massive time out. The smog is clearing up in cities. There is less pollution. We are using less plastic and coal. I’m curious if we’ve actually procured a little more time to save our planet. I’m hoping we’ll learn some things; and a new generation of innovators will step up. People will be forced to eat less-certainly different. Maybe we’ll realize that we don’t need all those latte’s or shoes or clothes or cars. Maybe we’ll do with less when we get on the other side of this? And for the love of soapsuds, people will wash their damn hands more.
I know The Greatest Generation was altered after the depression and WWII. They lived with a different appreciation and set of values. Maybe our values for ‘things’ will diminish? Hopefully, we won’t come out of solitude, like gluttons, and eat and buy everything in sight because we were a spoiled generation that never wants to go without again? The Greatest Generation was frugal and lived simply. We shall see. Personally, I’m hoping it’s a global reset of greater consciousness. We all need to save our plant, our relationships, and our hungry, exhausted souls.
PS-People of earth, stop eating bats too. Thank you on behalf of everyone.
“And the people stayed home. And read books, and listened, and rested, and exercised, and made art, and played games, and learned new ways of being, and were still. And listened more deeply. Some meditated, some prayed, some danced. Some met their shadows. And the people began to think differently.
"And the people healed. And, in the absence of people living in ignorant, dangerous, mindless, and heartless ways, the earth began to heal.
"And when the danger passed, and the people joined together again, they grieved their losses, and made new choices, and dreamed new images, and created new ways to live and heal the earth fully, as they had been healed." ~Kitty O'Meara (Kathleen O Meara, a writer from the late Victorian period during a pandemic (1839-1888)
I know The Greatest Generation was altered after the depression and WWII. They lived with a different appreciation and set of values. Maybe our values for ‘things’ will diminish? Hopefully, we won’t come out of solitude, like gluttons, and eat and buy everything in sight because we were a spoiled generation that never wants to go without again? The Greatest Generation was frugal and lived simply. We shall see. Personally, I’m hoping it’s a global reset of greater consciousness. We all need to save our plant, our relationships, and our hungry, exhausted souls.
PS-People of earth, stop eating bats too. Thank you on behalf of everyone.
“And the people stayed home. And read books, and listened, and rested, and exercised, and made art, and played games, and learned new ways of being, and were still. And listened more deeply. Some meditated, some prayed, some danced. Some met their shadows. And the people began to think differently.
"And the people healed. And, in the absence of people living in ignorant, dangerous, mindless, and heartless ways, the earth began to heal.
"And when the danger passed, and the people joined together again, they grieved their losses, and made new choices, and dreamed new images, and created new ways to live and heal the earth fully, as they had been healed." ~Kitty O'Meara (Kathleen O Meara, a writer from the late Victorian period during a pandemic (1839-1888)
