“The body is fearfully and
wonderfully made.” --Psalm 139:14
I’ll talk about the “fearful”
stuff first: menopause.
I was in a training in Denver
last month called, Yoga For The Change: PMS to Menopause. It was a class I need
for my continuing education towards my yoga 500hrs certification. I thought it was perfect
timing since I am officially in menopause, and well, life, as I know it, has
changed. Drastically!
The class was very helpful. However, all the women who were peri-menopause and menopause scared the crap out of
anyone who wasn’t in their 40’s. 'Brace yourself, it's coming!' we insisted. I will never forget the look on their horrified young faces of the girls in their 20's and 30's.
The first 9 months after my
hysterectomy I was fine. No unbearable night sweats or hot flashes. I was
convinced that I controlled that with diet and exercise. Yay me! I got this!
Then, when I
came home from a two-week vacation I was more tired then ever. What the heck? I
was in Hawaii. I didn’t feel I had the right to complain. But, when I sat with
the feeling, it wouldn’t go away. My body was begging me to rest. I couldn’t
read a book to save my life. I’m in a book club and I’ve basically faked my way
through it since November by reading the first and last paragraph of every
chapter. If it takes longer than 10 minutes to concentrate, I can’t do it. I
can’t even read a magazine. I felt like I was suddenly ADD. Facebook has been
an escape for me the past four months. There is no concentrating on any one
thing. I can be like a bee pollenating FB posts. I can rest my tired eyes by
watching a random videos of puppies playing with pigmy hippos. Some days it is so bad I think I can see fog in my
mind when I close my eyes.
A year earlier, when I had my post-op hysterectomy appointment, I asked my doctor about this fearful thing called ‘menopause weight gain’. She said, “Yeah, it’s a bummer. You’re going to have to eat 1200 calories a day THE REST OF YOUR LIFE to lose weight and then maintain the weight loss. If she would have been a male doctor, I would have thought, “no uterus, no opinion.” But she is a respected GYN who also was menopausal and thin.
At first, 1200 calories felt like a death sentence to me. I left her office and bought a whole Sara Lee Cheesecake (which by the way is my ultimate default food when I feel utterly depressed and hopeless). When I finally put down the fork, slapped myself upside the head for being stupid, I thought, “pull it together, Kim. You can do this.” I’m usually not hungry in the morning (save 500 calories right there); and I love to workout. It’s all math (so I thought).
I was able to sustain that
for about 6 months. By the time I got to Hawaii, I was exhausted and my hair
was falling out. I felt like someone let all the air out of my happy balloon.
Then the mother of all
horrible things started happening in November—seemingly overnight. I started
gaining weight quickly. My face started looking like a puffer fish and my
abdomen became barrel-like. I was doing my best not to be damning to myself,
but my self-esteem was teetering. “Breathe, Kim. Breathe. You’ll feel better
tomorrow.” I didn’t. I was breathing heavier while walking up the stairs. My
joints were more inflamed. I needed to work out more but I had less energy. I’d
have a smile on my face but I was not happy. Every morning I was asking God to
help me “pull it together.” I’d start out good but was ravenously hungry. And, by the end of the day, I was craving sugar like a meth-addict, and occasionally sneaking off in secret to Starbucks to get 3 vanilla bean scones and a
small ice tea with sugar. Who is this alien person taking over my body and my
mind?
And then to top it off, our
Chicago winter of 2014 was unrelentingly cold. When I wasn’t teaching a yoga class or
working with a client, I was upstairs in my bedroom under the electric blanket.
There was 3-week period over
the course of 4 winter months where I was lamenting having to go gray (because of
allergic reaction to the dye). So 10lbs of my weight, I own. I emotionally ate it. Then I
got myself together and was doing everything I could think to help me get more
energy. Digging deep and trying to step up, I started juicing more and eating less.
The problem was I was running
up a down escalator.
One day, Rich said to me,
“You know, you’ve been trying to think of what’s wrong with you, trying to do
everything you can think of to help yourself lose weight and get more energy like
going to Pilates classes, ionic foot bath detoxing, juicing, or eating less,
taking naps to feel better. The one thing you’ve never mentioned was maybe this
is all due to having been surgically induced into menopause.”
Two things floored me: 1st,
the man with no uterus may be onto something; 2nd, why didn’t I
think of that?
I thought menopause was going
to be about my emotions being out of control. They weren’t. I wasn’t crying or
depressed (I know what depression looks like and this was NOT depression). I
wasn’t a crazy raving maniac who wanted to rip someone’s head off if they
looked at me the wrong way (that was my PMS 20’s). It’s been years since I’ve
yelled, “SHUT THE HELL UP, I HATE YOU” because I felt hormonally demonically possessed.
Recently, I just felt like
flat pop. For some women it is lack of sleep. I’ve been sleeping way less since I
turned 44 so that didn’t register in my mind. For some women it’s hot flashes
or night sweats. Those was rare and mild and didn’t bother me. For others it is
lack of libido. Since my kids and grandkids may read this someday, I won’t say
any more about that. Your welcome! J
The bottom line is every woman is different how she experiences the ‘change of life.’ The good news is
there is hope.
Remember that fearfully and
wonderfully made psalm?
Now for the wonderful stuff:
Get your hormonal panel done! Let me say that again. If your mind or body is
behaving badly (okay, better put, different), no matter what your age, get your
hormonal panel done. RUN, DON’T WALK!!
I had a saliva hormonal panel
done and it showed the true story of why I was physically expanding
exponentially and tired. I wasn’t a bad or lazy person. I wasn’t crazy. I was just
uninformed of the real physiological story. My symptoms are my body’s way of trying to get my
attention. Your hormones are the TRUE barometers of your health. It’s not too
terribly expense and worth every penny. We have been condition to do all sorts of things that may be damaging to our bodies without a hormonal panel: calorie restriction and intense workouts.
Why doctors DON’T suggest
this easy test, I have no idea. (Don’t even get me started.) It will show if
you are estrogen dominant in your 20’s, 30’s, and 40’s--which helps you know if
you are set up for disease such as cancers because estrogen makes things grow
(good things like blood vessels, but bad things too, like cancer).
The wonderful thing about all
hormones is they are synthesized from Cholesterol. From Cholesterol two
umbrella hormones: DHEA and Progesterone. Under the DHEA umbrellas is
Testosterone and Estrogen. DHEA has to do with mind, sleep, sex drive.
Testosterone has to do with muscle mass, sex drive, ‘your get up and go’.
Estrogen makes things grow like blood vessels. But it also other things like
cancer. Under the Progesterone Umbrella is Cortisol and Aldosterone.
Progesterone is our protection hormone. It offsets harmful effects of estrogen.
Cortisol helps with sleep, anti-inflammation, metabolism of cholesterol,
carbohydrate sugar, and immune function. That is sort of the gist. I didn’t go
to medical school, so talk to your doctor for more information.
My hormonal test panel came
back showing that my body was behaving very badly.
My progesterone was
dangerously low…in fact…terrible low. If normal is a range between 200-400, my
Pg/e2 was 29. I was unprotected.
My adrenals were in need of
repair because of being in an insulin resistant (constant stress state). I’m pre-diabetic (good to know). I have NO,
NONE, NODDA, ZIP fat burning capacity. That is why I was gaining weight so easily. I
was only burning sugar carbohydrates. My metabolism was tanked. Ladies, does this sound like you too?
I was shocked. I told
my doctor that I teach yoga and have no serious stress. I have a pretty calm and relaxed life that I’ve
created for myself. He said that even though my mind is in
the present, my body is acting like it did 30 years ago when it was in a
stressed out state. It defaults to that state because it was never fully
repaired. Our bodies never forget. It will take a few years to rehabilitate and
heal my adrenals.
The other red flag was I was
high in testosterone and really low in estrogen. So my body’s hormones are going the
wrong way. Low estrogen will contribute
to weight gain too. And just because my testosterone was high didn’t mean I wanted
to rip off my husband’s cloths. There was too much hormonal imbalance in other areas for high testosterone to work in my favor. ;-)
The wonderful news is I will start
feeling better within days or weeks. I felt like Steve Martin in the movie, The
Jerk when the new phone books arrived. For me it was “My bio-identical hormones arrived, my bio-identical hormones arrived!!!” I’m on adrenal supplements, and specific exercise
to heal and rebalance my hormones and a strict diet: No sugar (duh), gluten free only, no grains,
no fruit (for now), no cows milk, and get this, NO EXERCISE. I can only walk
30-60 minutes a day. What?? No Pilates or Flow Yoga classes, no biking, etc. My
doctor told me to ‘trust’ him.
It’s all so counter-intuitive
to not feel compelled to work out like a maniac. In the past working out like a crazy women is the only way I lost weight (hmm, should have known my hormones back then). But I’ll do what my doctor tells me. If he told me
I had to rest in bed all spring and summer I’d do it. I intuitively knew the last 4 months is not how I'm suppose to feel. I just didn't know what to do. There is no reason to
feel as whacked out as I have felt. And if my body wants to heal (which is what
I tell others all the time), then I’ll do my part.
My doctor, Dr. Sean Patterson
wrote a book called the Pre-Diet Plan.
He says our culture is all
jacked up. There are things we need to do BEFORE we diet to TRULY heal our
bodies and lose weight.
*Don’t eat in the car while
driving.
*Don’t eat while using phone,
watching TV, or using the computer.
*Eat like a European: slowly.
Take 15-30 minutes to eat by yourself, 1
hour to eat with company or family.
All those things we do are messing with our hormonal balance (men too).
You know those Pubic Service (PSA) Announcements? That is what this really is all about. We talk about hormones but in ways that are vague. Doctors recommend that you
should get a mammograms and pap smears. Ask (demand if you have to) for a hormone panel. Don't personalize this. Be your own advocate.
We are fearfully and
wonderfully made.
Know your 'inner and outer' bodies.
There is information you can have that will balance you out.
The body wants to heal.
