Jeremiah was a bullfrog, was a good friend of mine. I never understood a single work he said, but I helped him to drink his wine. And he always had some mighty fine wine. ~Three Dog Night, Joy To the World.
I love that song. I don’t know why but I do. Maybe it’s because it has a quality of grace and celebration of friendship? Whoever Jeremiah was, his friend accepted him for being a bullfrog. The fact that they drink wine together and sing a blessing to the whole world makes it all the more better. I even want this song played at my funeral. Seriously!
I’ve been thinking a lot about friendship as I drove 1600 miles round trip from IL to NJ and back again. I just spent a celebration weekend with my dear friend, Pam Stoy. It was my birthday. Pam has always known how to make her friends feel loved. It’s a gift. She excels at domestic goddess-ness. Pam and I were neighbors for five years when I first got married in 1988. We were young and passionate; trying to figure out life as women. We took long walks and kicked stones as we pondered politics and our ever-changing plump thighs (which were hardly plumb back then. You don’t appreciate what we have when you’re young). We wondered why guys were clueless, and why people we loved didn’t ‘get us’ at times. We tried to solve the world’s problems over glasses of wine (and ice cream). Pam probably never understood a single word I said either. I was the bullfrog of the friendship.
When I was 22, someone posed the question: Who will come to your funeral, and what would they say about your character? I remember that stuck with me at such a young age. I didn’t think there would be many at my funeral, but I hoped they’d say nice things. I had hope that I would make a difference and leave a legacy of love behind. I remember I decided then that I would learn how to become a good friend. I have made my share of mistakes through the years in the friendship department. I know I've let people down and said things I shouldn't. I regret the impulsive arrogant boldness of my youth. But over all, I’d give myself high marks today. My friends know I love them and would give a kidney, take a hill, and even take a bullet if necessary. I’m as loyal as a Labrador. And at this stage, they also know that whatever they say, it's duly noted and may end up in a novel (the names will be changed to protect the guilty). Even when time passes or we don’t live or work in proximity to each other, it doesn’t take away my affection. Proverbs 17:17-A friend loves at all times.
Someone once said, “You’ll be the same person you are in five years except for the books you read and the people you hang around with.” I have to be honest, there were a few friends along the way I had to say goodbye to. I’m sure some said goodbye to me as well. However, I know that I wouldn’t be the person I am today without weaving the better parts of others into the fabric of my being-these sacred threads of friendship and experience.
Turning 47 this week has got me thinking about how far I’ve come. Truth be told, I've come a long way. And I've gotten this far because I was wise enough to surround myself with amazing friends of different backgrounds whom I could glean from.
Sometimes, not all the time, family lets you down. In my case, God knew that what I lacked in the family unconditional love department, He’d make up 100x with friendships that were lasting, accepting, and sincere. Blood may be thicker than water, but love is a choice-whether they are family or not. Much of the heartbreak in my life has been over family. My friends have seen me through the years as I’ve sought to figure out the complexity of life. They have seen me redline emotionally, swollen face by the ugly cry, unable to move past a problem for a season. And they have seen me pee my pants while laughing hysterically (something that happens the older we all get). They know my fears of germs, crossing bridges, snakes, and being alone when I'm old. My oddities and quirks seem amusing.
I’ve been known for my War & Peace length emails, so I will spare you. But I do want to share what has been passed on to me by a few of my companions. I’ll only mention a few friends. I wish I could mention everyone.
Deb is my Sisterchick who taught me to value myself. She is an outstanding mom. Deb mirrors God’s grace and acceptance to me no matter what stupid things I’ve done or said: past, present, or future. I’ve been given permission to be myself around her.
Peaches, Lisa, and Sandi have some history (dirt) on me. It’s fun to walk down memory lane with these crazy gals. When I’m around them, my spirit wants to dance on the table and party. And they know I would if given the chance. 
Kris taught me how to be a devoted wife. I was married 5 years when Kris came into my life to model commitment to marriage and going the distance. Just in the nick of time, thank God! There are very few women in the world who truly honor their husband through ups and downs with a sweet attitude.
Steve taught me to drink real wine, re-think my politics, and how to to laugh myself.
Steve’s sense of humor is unmatched. No matter how unpredictable life can be (like when his son developed leukemia and needed a bone marrow transplant), Steve finds humor in most things after the crying has passed--with God’s help. Karen has spoken truth to me when I didn’t want to hear it. We should all surround ourselves with people who will tell us when we’re ‘full of crap’ and need to take another look at a situation because God’s not finished with us yet.
Whatever Patti puts her mind to, she does with excellence. The creative side of me resonates with her creative side. Patti has a keen eye and an even sharper perspective on life that others don’t often see or appreciate.
Bohemian Jessie is an intuitive empathic. She loves those that are broken and forgotten in life. Because she loves Jesus, that simple truth motivates Jessie to give herself to others and the One who loves her completely. Bonnie is my biggest cheerleader. I can see Bonnie’s pom-poms from wherever I’m sitting up in the balcony. Bonnie taught me how to be a better encourager. Kimmie is bawdy, sassy, and has more compassion and justice in her soul than anyone I know. She aches for those who are under-resourced and marginalized. If she could, Kimmie would smack injustice upside the head. I want to stand up and march right along side of her.
Once in a while, when I need to open up, I’ll say, “If you really knew me, you’d know _______________________________.” It’s a great icebreaker. I don’t do shallow very well. Talking about the weather and my latest ailment bore me too. I want to know EVERYTHING about you, and I want you to know me too. Isn’t that what life is about anyway? Don’t we all want to be known? It takes risk and intention to be the 'authentic-true-you' with those God brings into your life.
When I met Susie, I liked her instantly. Her laugh and hospitality were contagious. I could walk into her house and she’d give me a room, the car, and tell me to make myself comfortable. That meant I had refrigerator rights. I have a standing invitation to come and be family. Our conversations go deep quickly. That kind of intimacy can create fear. I told Susie within weeks of us becoming fast friends, “I am going to disappoint you, let’s just get that out of the way now. In fact, we’ll both disappoint each other.” And we have had one or two fleeting puzzling moments. But that honestly has only made us closer because we didn't retreat, we talk and then moved on. Susie has taught me to be real and raw and how not to hide your hurts. Life is too short to pretend.
Friendship is about genuine trust, chemistry, and camaraderie. We give our hearts to another in hopes that they will ‘Get Us’ and want to stick around and do life together from time to time. It’s about ‘give and take’ as we invest in each other. I’m thankful for those who will remain my ‘life-long relationships’, and for how they have transformed me. My friends have seen me through my darkest hours and my brightest days. Ecclesiastes 4:9-11 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friends can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
I’m here today because of my friends. I look forward to many more years of drinking glasses of wine and singing at the top of my lungs, ‘Joy to the World’.
