The Elephant In The Room

Rich bought me this elephant some years ago. We joke that whenever there is something that needs to be discussed, we'll say, "Can we talk about the Elephant in the room?" It's been a lighthearted thing we've mentioned when the conversation turns serious. 

As the 2020 presidential election approaches the Democrats are faced with a dilemma that is rather unique--there is a surplus of qualified candidates. Most of them have glowing credentials as well as a wealth of experience.  But one of them truly stands out – intelligent (Rhodes scholar), articulate, compassionate, deeply spiritual Christ-follower (an active member of the Episcopal Church), military vet (served in Afghanistan), speaks eight languages, plays classical piano, healthy (he is a runner), young (Millennial), and oh, one more thing: he is openly gay—and happily married at that. His name is Pete Buttigieg. 

So here is a good question for American voters: will the fact that someone is gay be enough reason to NOT vote for this outstanding, exceptionally gifted candidate? I know he’s a Democrat; I know Republicans are typically supposed to vote for Republicans because of issues like pro-life, military spending, and unregulated capitalism. But, if all things were equal, could Mayor Pete be considered a viable ‘Presidential’ candidate? I think Christians need to have this conversation. Because one day, they may have a Republican candidate who is openly gay or transgender. The times they are a changing.  

Also, maybe it’s time for a younger voice (Gen Z or Millennial) to be heard. Millennials and Gen Z make up 43% of the population. 

Rich and I come from an evangelical background where a gay lifestyle was clearly unacceptable by the vast majority of the church community back in the day.
That is changing (today slightly over half of evangelicals find it acceptable). But 45% are still against it, or undecided. Also, this is largely a generational issue. Older people find it less acceptable than younger people. But among all generations it is becoming more acceptable in recent years. I’m also curious how many in the church are more accepting of a gay lifestyle and gay marriage, but just keep silent? There is fear of speaking up or speaking out. Maybe you have gay friends and it doesn’t sit well with you anymore to abide by the ‘love the sinner but hate the sin’ dogma. It’s a struggle when your heart is compassionate, and the love that Jesus exhibited was so outrageous and dangerous (meaning he shattered social norms). 

For those who might still be opposed to homosexuality because they feel the Bible prohibits it, here are a few considerations that have changed our own thinking:

1) The word “homosexual” as we understand it today (as a sexual orientation) is not found in the Bible. The same-sex behavior that was prohibited in the Bible was a form of lustful abuse of sexual desire that often involved straight men having sex with young boys, with slaves, or engaging in a homosexual act while participating in pagan orgies, or to humiliate a defeated enemy (another words, it was just uncontrolled, self-centered, gratuitous sex). The Bible really never addresses the question of whether it is morally acceptable for two homosexually oriented individuals who willingly desire to be in a monogamous, loving relationship to be united in marriage.

2) The negative view of homosexuals in biblical times is also a product of a more primitive culture. People in ancient times had a very limited understanding of homosexuality. Just as views regarding women, slavery, and science, were pre-modern and restricted by the historical understanding of that time period. There are only the three passages that mention homosexuality in the New Testament and it is within reason to recognize that they are addressing homosexual behavior in a very limited scope (loveless self-gratification).

3) Love is clearly the overriding principle of all biblical commandments. Jesus made this clear in how he interpreted dietary laws, Sabbath laws, interactions with Gentiles, and even laws regarding adultery. This should be the overriding factor in how we treat the issues of sexual orientation and gender identity. Compassion is called for, not legalism.

4) We have many dear friends who are part of the LGBT community and a few things are crystal clear: they did not “choose” their sexual orientation or gender identity (any more than any of us have); they are good and loving people (many with a strong love for God); and they have every right to be the person God made them to be with full acceptance and affirmation. Yet, I see Christians every day doing the opposite in the name of Jesus. 

And might I add (for those Christians who are still convinced that homosexual behavior is wrong under all circumstances) if you voted for or support Donald Trump—a man who has slept with porn stars, Playboy models, and scores of other women; a man who lies, cheats, and bullies others daily; a man who says the most vile and vicious things about others; and a man who claims to be a Christian, but who believes he has no need to be forgiven by God. Then sorry, but you have lost the  moral high ground to say anything about a candidate’s behavior…period. 

I have great concern about what kind of ugliness is going to come out (from the religious right) because Mayor Pete is gay; people are so cruel when they fear others not like themselves; and when they impose religious tenets onto a secular society.

But it is my hope that having a gay man, with the integrity, brilliance, and kindness of Pete Buttigieg will give all Americans the opportunity to recognize that people from the LGBT community are worthy of full honor, respect and acceptance. You may not vote for him; I’m not sure if I’m going to vote for him yet. However, if I vote for him, it won’t be because he is gay; and if I don’t vote for him, it won’t be because he is gay. Either way, it will be because of who is he is as a human being—his capabilities, his character, and his policies. 

"Do you think the country is ready for a gay president?" asked Joy Behar

"Well, there is only one way to find out." Pete Buttigieg 

Homophobia and bigotry and racism are the kind of things all Christians should be standing up against. And if we dare, we should be having conversations about Mayor Pete’s worthiness as a credible presidential candidate regardless of his sexuality.   

In the past our ancestors did not respect women, people of color, Jews, etc., etc., etc. It is time for this generation to abandon heterosexism and judge people by the content of their character, the goodness in their heart, and their concern for others.  It is important for us to recognize that the way we view others who are different from us is strongly affected by bias. We are conditioned to think that our own tribe is superior (our race, our gender, our nationality, our religious tradition, our sexual orientation, etc.). We feel more comfortable when others look like us, talk like us, act like us and see the world the same way we do. Most bias is unconscious—we are completely unaware that our social conditioning has influenced how we view others. Therefore, it is hard for most of us to ever break out of it. One of the few things that can help us overcome bias is when we try to see what we have in common with each other by looking beyond the differences and allowing someone to shatter our stereotypes. For many people, being able to escape their bias occurs because of a close friend, a family member, a coworker, or a neighbor. I hope for thousands of people over the next presidential election cycle it occurs because of a truly honorable and worthy candidate—who just happens to be gay. Thank you Mayor Pete for being a wonderful human being, for having the courage to not let others define you, and for moving us beyond our prejudices as individuals and as a country; I truly will pray for you and your husband during this demanding and often confrontational campaign season.