I had a teacher who once shared several reasons why people don't heal. I was riveted in this lecture. It was a 'light bulb' moment for me. I think it was compelling because I could honestly see some of these points in myself at different times in my life--times when I was stuck and sabotaged my own health. Besides recommitting myself to my own personal healing and well-being, I determined right there in that moment that I only wanted to work with people who want to heal in my private practice. I don't want to waste anyone's time or money. I exclusively work with women in my practice. But roadblocks to healing isn't gender specific; we can all have healing obstacles.
Healing obstacles:
1) Complacence
Maybe we started going to a health club, yoga class, or taking walks in the neighborhood, or getting massages because we know our body needs it. But after a few months, we yield to those uncaring voices inside our mind, "I just forgot to exercise. I don't want to get up any earlier. I don't care anymore about what I look or feel like. It cost too much. This is too hard to commit to week after week. I can start working out next week or in the spring time." Often there is an underlying seed of fear that needs to be rooted out. A resistance or unwillingness to change can hold us back. When there is complacence, we give up too soon and ignore our own self care. We begin to settle into unhealthy patterns, addictions, or behaviors that cause us to withdraw. This domino effect happens quickly. Soon we will be canceling appointments because we give up on ourselves instead of exploring the deeper hurt or pain. We make a habit of excuses about time or money when really we have a learned behavior of complacence.
2) Resentment
If we listen carefully, we can hear ourselves blaming others for our present feelings and situation. It's one thing to feel something, it's another to hold onto it for days and days, weeks, months, or years. The judgment we hold on to about those who have hurt us will affect our health (big time). When we resent others that anger simmers deep in our tissues (issues are stored in our tissues). Resentment will prevent you from healing until it's acknowledged for its destructive power over your mind, body, and spirit.
3) Loss of Hope
I've been there. Lam 3:20-21 'I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The unfailing love of the Lord never ends.' When we are depressed we can become stuck in our victimization. The tapes in our head play over and over. We despair and feel lost. It's natural to feel hopeless from time to time when the pain of loss is great. However, if we stay there too long without shining a light into the darkness we will not heal.
4) Secondary Gain
This was the hardest one to be honest about for me personally. If we don't feel well, we don't have to be intimate with our spouse, our family, or our friends. We keep people at a distance: "I have a headache tonight." "I can't come to the party." We unconsciously gain something in the short term like empathy, help from others, a badge of honor, getting out of housework or social functions, a little space, longer workman's comp or unemployment. Deep down we are settling for less then our best life when we protect ourselves with a secondary gain. When that happens, healing stops.
5) Wrong Therapeutic Approach or Person
Sometimes the therapeutic approach is wrong for the condition. A person may need instead a Chiropractor, Lomi Lomi, a Physical Therapist, Counseling, or all of the above. Yet, all of those may be outside of the your present practitioner's healing scope of practice. There may be personality or belief differences, or communication difficulties that make it hard for you to receive treatment from this person. It may be time to ask around for some referrals. If you don't like what you are experiencing on a relational level with your holistic therapist, your body won't like it either. Commit to your healing pathway by being your own advocate and trusting your inner voice.
~Kim Brandt
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