I Feel Your Pain

Rich and I were having a conversation about body pain. He has occasional neck pain (from years of sleeping on his stomach with one arm behind his back). Rich’s head isn’t on straight. I’m kidding. But it’s true. His shoulder/neck have serious asymmetrical tension holding patterns. How is he not in pain every single day? I have no idea. 

How Rich hold's his head normally 

When I put his head up straight

I have back pain (from 

disk herniation(s) and arthritis). Walking to the bathroom in the middle of the night or when I first get up in the morning, I look and feel like an 80-year old woman. 

Rich was watching me do yoga one morning. 

Rich: You are really good about moving your body. 

 (I guess it's time to let him in on something in case he trips over me in the middle of the night on the way to the bathroom.)

Me: I wake up every morning with pain. I have no choice. 
Rich: Really? I never knew that? I’m surprised to learn this. 

Me: For the past 13 years, I haven’t gotten out of bed without pain at a level 6-8. 

It’s why I do yoga in bed and then I get on the 

floor do yoga. The pain level then goes down to a 2-3. I can live with that. 
Rich: No kidding? Really? 
Me: You see me do yoga every morning. That’s why. I couldn’t walk otherwise. 
Rich: You never complain. 
Me: Could you imagine if I complained about this every day for 10 years?
Rich: No, I guess not.
Me: Oh my gawd, who wants to listen to that? I don’t want to listen to myself complain about it. Part of me doesn’t want to speak that into existence day after day either. 
Rich: You can complain if you want. I don’t mind.
Me: Awe, you’re sweet. No, I don’t want you to have to listen to me complain about my aches and pains. I save my open complaining

for bigger things like the emotional pain that my soul has to confront: seeing kids taken from their parents at the border, POTUS 

mocking a sexual assault survivor and the millions of sexually harassed or assault survivors who feel dismissed and ridiculed by 

him or the GOP, or missing my son, the kids, and grandkids, or loss of dear friendships because of politics, pipe bombs being delivered to 14 national figureheads by the #MAGAbomber, growing Anti-Everyone in our country. 

Rich: Yeah, that does hurt you more. 
Me: So many people are dealing with much worse things like grief, cancer, fear of the future because of no health care, or job loss. I have it really good. 

The instability in my back is something I manage. I’m curious about it. Even though I wish I didn’t have to manage it, I don’t confront it.

I have tools (awareness, movement, stillness, and breathwork). I learned early on:

“A short practice that you do every day is

better than a long practice you keep putting off to tomorrow.” ~Kelly McGonigal Yoga For Pain Relief

I sleep with pillows to keep my hips level if I sleep on my side. If I sleep on my back, pillows are under my knees (this is the best way to sleep for me AND bonus I don’t get as many wrinkles). 

The biggest contributing factor for many spinal issues is that we don’t sit properly. If I sit on the couch, I am all propped up like the Queen of Sheba so I don’t slouch and tuck my tailbone under (which is the #1 reason people have lower back issues). Sitting on a tucked tailbone creates so much compression and tensegrity tension. If I eat out at a restaurant, my feet don’t touch the ground (I feel like Edith Ann). I have to sit with one or both legs crossed under me. When I drive, I have the heated seat on, keeping my lower back warm (even in Florida). If I drive long distances, I use a stretchy-jersey strap to keep my legs parallel so my legs don’t splay open causing SI joint issues. I also use an ice pack. When I take off the ice pack, a supply of new blood-flow rushes to that area. 

Just like brushing my teeth, there are a few things that I do daily: therapeutic breathing, gentle yoga asanas (poses) and restorative yoga. Moving and resting poses like Cat/cow, child’s pose, spinal balance, arch & flatten pelvic tilts, and breathwork. 

I move ONLY in my pain free range of motion; I don’t go for the stretch. I go to the soft edges of the discomfort. This is the important part: then I back out of the stretch or movement about 10-20%. I'm just hang out here and notice what is working and what's not working; what's moving and what is not moving that should.  

There is connective tissue called fascia (that’s wrapped around the muscle and individual muscle fibers).  If it’s tight, I feel it. When 

I move my body slowly, the fascia unwinds and relaxes. I have to be patient and observe.

My life often revolves around my own form of ‘occupational yoga’ to keep my back pain level low. It’s served me well. This is why I teach yoga therapy and meditation. I know what it’s like to be in pain (mentally and physically). I do all this so I don’t have to take any kind of medications. No more taking Ibprohen 600-800 or Tylenol. That just about killed my liver. I now have Eastern medical tools that are thousands of years old at my disposal. It works. 

Sometimes, there is an emotional link to the back pain. Often pain will manifest somewhere in my body. I notice when I’m feeling deep sadness or stress. Emotional sadness will show up in my chest and breathing patterns. The discomfort will then show up in my upper back (thoracic spine). If I’m feeling unsupported, it can often show up in even greater instability in my low back or left hip. Remember, our body is linked to our minds and spirits. We are not parts; that’s a very mechanical Western Medicine way of looking at things. 

"When you change your mind about stress, you change your body's response to stress." ~ Kelly McGonigal Yoga For Pain Relief

I can’t tell you how important it is to pandiculate 

each day (look at how your cats and dogs move each morning). They stretch out their bodies so naturally. The first thing Buddha does when he wakes up is stretch (full on up-dog and down-dog pose and low spinal balance-opposite arm and opposite leg stretching out). 

Down Dog Morning Stretch

Wake up and stretch and look sexy

Explore those edges of your heart and mind: notice if you are breathing deeply or two shallow when you move or rest, notice where you are holding all your tension, notice if you are moving dysfunctionally. Also, are you trying to take on too much, take on other people’s issues, etc? Are you taking too many strides when you need to rest? Or are you retreating (or hiding) to a safe place not doing anything in the way of self-care? All those choices will show up in our thoughts then eventually show up in our bodies. 

Sometimes I have fears. What will this back of mine feel like when I’m 70 or 80? Like that lyric in Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody: 

“Sends shivers down my spine, body’s aching all the time.”

Every now and then my back will go out. I could sneeze and it could go out. I step off a curb wrong, it could go out. If I bend over and twisted at the same time (putting my spine in too many movement planes), it could go out. 

I went to a museum a few months ago because my back went out. I had to have Rich push me around in a wheel chair. I didn’t feel like the Queen of Sheba that day. I spent 3-days on ice and doing slow restorative yoga to bring healing to my body. 

Wheel chair at the Museum

Sometimes for kicks and giggles, my knees get sassy too. I get a little testy with my body when they gang up on me. 

Me: C’mon, Body, work with me. Joints, you can’t all rebel on me at the same time! 
Body:  Yes we can! You're not 25 years old anymore. Deal with it, Kim. 

I’ve learned to be patient with this body I inhabit. We all have asymmetry in our bodies. We all have undiscovered tension patterns. We all have emotional thoughts that affect our bodies; most of us are unconscious about them. 

I meet my body every day where it is. I don’t compare one day from the next. I don’t even try to change it. I try to interact with it; Things get better moment-to-moment; and sometimes, things will get worse; and then it gets better again. 

Yoga isn’t a cure all. In fact, you can get hurt in yoga (just like you can get hurt doing Pilates or lifting weights)--especially if you “push too far into the pose and well past what is truly available in your body in the moment” I see that happen all the time with clients and students. They listen to their teacher's cues instead of listen to their body. They come to class or a session hurt or in pain because they ignored the basic fundamentals of ‘just moving in your pain free range of motion or moving with ease and breathe all at the same time.” 

Try telling a type A personality to slow down or move with ease and breathe. Try telling that to someone who is refusing to trust themselves to their bodies own intuitive wisdom. I see their setbacks all the time. Most of us want to be fixed now! Yet, we are not in control; our body has it’s own healing timetable; our body has more to teach us about ourselves THROUGH our aches and pains.

If your moving, sitting, breathing, sleeping, and eating patterns are dysfunctional, pain is going to show up. If you are eating poorly, pain is going to show up. If you are in an emotionally hard season of life, physical pain may show up. So be kind to yourself.  

We have to learn to be aware of how our body moves and breathes at rest and in motion. I play with all these factors every day; I’ve become more efficient. I’m always curious about what is revealed. I don't resist. Each day, I just show up and observe. That’s all. It’s fascinating.