Poop Happens

Woke up to Buddha crying. It was 5am. Rich was out of town for the night on business. I jumped up and got him out of his crate. I assumed he needed to go outside to go potty. 

I didn’t even get my shoes on before he shit something that resembled black tar, all over the new carpet. 

It smelled like death and diapers.

#$%*, @#$@, $%^&#*! “Oh poor baby, you okay?” @#$%!  “No, no, NO! Not there too! Not on the carpet!!” #@^*! 

There have been some recent coyote sightings in our area. I’ve been nervous about going outside in the dark. But now I have to; I have a sick dog. I’m in my pajamas. It’s eerie quiet out and spooky. Buddha is squirting gawd-knows-what in the dark grass. I’m on high alert. There is a man parked in his car on the side of the road. I hold my phone up like I’m talking to someone (I actually had 911 on speed dial).

Forty-five minutes later, Buddha was finished squirting. It was still dark.

I gagged my way through scooping up poop stained carpet. That took two hours on my hands and knees. Miraculously, it worked. Secret formula: wipe up all poop. Dawn dish soap scrub. Roll of paper towels to soak up damp carpet. Vinegar. Baking soda--yes, I was amused by the science project I was creating. Wait until it dries. Scrape up excess dried baking soda with a handy queen of hearts card onto a paper plate.  Vacuum. When daylight comes and the stores open, go to Bed Bath & Beyond. Don’t forget your coupon. Buy a hand held carpet cleaner. Steam the rest of anything that is attached to the carpet fibers. Pray it works.  

By mid-day, I took Buddha for a long walk because he was staring at me disapprovingly. I can’t take it when he looks all Morgan Freedman god-like, knowing all my weaknesses. I assumed he was hungry by his sideways glances at the pantry. I didn’t want to feed him because I wasn’t sure if he was still sick? And I was going to at least wait until my carpet dried. 

Sick dogs can be like sick kids. You gotta wait it out, intuitively, watching them carefully. Often what they have can pass in 24hrs.

It was a beautiful day here in Florida. I distracted Buddha on our walk. I was feeling calmer and more peaceful after my early morning poop-alarm. I just got done looking up to the heavens and saying out loud, “How does it get any better than this?” Buddha slowed down and stopped to puke yellow bile on the concrete. I'll be damn, it does get better. At least he didn't puke on my carpet!