Jesus Loves Me This I Know

Happy Easter!

I thought I’d share the story of how Jesus came to be my Savior.

I always had a thing for God as a child. I liked reading my children's bible. I liked going to church. We grew up a Catholic: I liked the smell of the church, I like to kneel and genuflect, I like to pray, I like to sing, I liked taking holy communion. I did not like confessing my sins. That meant I was in trouble (again). 

I was teaching aerobics in 1980 at a health club. One of my clients, JoAnn Ripp asked me if I would teach her my class. She was going to start a ‘Christian’ aerobics class with Kim Singletary (Mike Singletary’s wife) at Willow Creek Community Church in South Barrington. Willow Creek was a newer seeker-sensitive, non-denominational church. I agreed but wondered how the heck could you do an aerobics class to Ava Maria and Hymns. At the time, the music I used was Michael Jackson, Donna Summers, or Blondie.

JoAnn showed up with a stack of Christian albums: Keith Green, Amy Grant. The upbeat songs surprised me.

Out of nowhere, without even knowing why, I said, “What’s all this Born Again stuff?” We sat down on the carpet and she explained to me the Gospel. To this day, I don’t remember what she said or what it all initially meant. They were just words to me.

As fate would have it, that night, Willow Creek was celebrating something (I think their 5^th Anniversary). JoAnn said, “If I can get you there tonight, would you be willing to come to this event at Willow?” Getting me out of the house, to a religious event, without my parents freaking out, was going to be difficult. However, she got Nancy Plank, the wife of Chicago Bears, Doug Plank to pick me up in her sporty convertible. I also knew Nancy since she was a member at the health club where I worked. It was a perfect connection. It was a perfect night.

I can remember where I sat, up front and close to the stage. The room was large, no obvious religious symbols, and the vibe was electric. Before anything even started I noticed one thing that struck me and altered the course of my life; everyone in the room looked joyful and at ease. I thought, “I don’t know what these people have but I want it.” I had never experienced the pure happiness of people gladly being together. I realized we were created to live in community large and small (at least that is what my innate intuition told me). I was at peace and I had a deep need to belong to something safe and jubilant. The contrast with my home and personal life couldn’t have been more obvious.

I would have considered myself a happy person by nature. But by the time I was 17, my life was complicated and stressful.

My home life was filled with lots of spoken and unspoken tension and strife. I was always on my parents Shit-List. My grades were reflective of what was going on in my heart. However, nobody asked deeper, compassionate questions to why I was distracted and struggling. I was just told I was lazy, stupid, and I’d never amount to much. I was already having sex and madly in love (as all promiscuous 17 year olds are at that age). I was full of insecurities, jealousies, and fears. I was a social butterfly and Pollyanna on the outside, but James Dean on the inside. 

God speaks to us in different ways. He knows what we need. God used music to get my attention and show me the love and forgiveness of Jesus through music. That night, there was no sermon or homily. The music was alive. The people were alive. There was even an Elvis impersonator on stage. Laughter filled the room. Oh I needed to laugh. I could feel the vibration of joy in my being (now, granted, I could have felt the same thing if I went to a Grateful Dead concert).  However, the musical message wasn’t about rebelling or tuning out. It was about this remarkable, intentional love of God—for me! 

God loved me. That was mind blowing because I didn’t think anyone really loved me. At times, when hurt or angry, I could be pretty unlovable. Later that night, by myself in my car, I remember crying (heaving sobs) of repentance for my sins. I knew I was a sinner. I had been told that I was bad most of my life in one-way or another. But this was different. This was an invitation to let go of what I was carrying: my shame, my guilt, and my fears. I felt spiritually cradled in my Heavenly Fathers arms as he held me, and listened, and understood every stupid, wrong, sinful thing I did up until that point.

Only God knew how much my epically flawed self needed to feel protected. Repenting is easy when you feel safe.  I had never been so purified by unburdening my heart. From that time on, Jesus, the kind and gentle forgiver of my sins, became my Savior and Lord. I don’t know how to do life without God. 

Yes there was the hell issue back then. I also didn’t want to go to hell. But over the years, hell became less and less an issue of fear for me. My religious training was Jesus came to this earth to show us who God is incarnate—to show us love and grace. He came to heal the broken hearted, give sight to the blind, and restore the crushed with forgiveness. The mysteries are countless. I don’t have all the answers. In fact, I could even be entirely wrong (I hope I’m not.) However, I have faith in a good and gracious Creator of the universe. I believe that no matter where you live, who you are, or who you worship, God loves you!

I live life way different then I did when I first became a Christian. I’m learning how to live in the present moment. I do less fearful praying and more praising. I imagine that God is way more compassionate then many of the messages and conditioned dogma I grew up learning. Some legalistic religious ideologies I have shed. Some internal faith beliefs will never leave me. I have faith that I will one day see my Lord face to face. I will bow down at his feet. Then a kind hand will reach down. I will be lifted up to my feet, embraced, and once again, invited to walk along side of him throughout eternity.