‘You can observe a lot
by just watching.’ ~ Yogi Berra
537-9149 was my home phone number growing up. Everyone had
one or two rotary dial telephones. In the 70’s most homes had one that was an avocado
green desktop or wall phone with long curly cords. If you made a mistake
dialing a number, your poor tired index finger would have to start all over. I
can still hear the sound it made in my head. When the push button phones came
out, I thought we were rich.
All I need to know is in my handy dandy smartphone. I swipe,
and then I push a flat screen and I’m connected to everything. Zip zap, zadda. However,
this handy dandy cell phone has taken over my life. I have my whole world in
it: pictures, calendar, contacts, notes, email, and apps. I’ve had agony and
ecstasy moments looking though a large baggy purse that a small animal can fit
in trying to find my phone. I start to panic and say out loud or in my head
(depending on the company I’m in), “OMG or shit shit shit, I’ve lost my phone!”
Only to realize I didn’t dive deep enough fishing through my purse. I’ve
actually kissed my phone like a lost child, once I’ve realized it was right
next to me where I was sitting the whole time.
Back then in the day, I had memorized about a dozen phone
numbers. Nowadays, I only know two phone numbers by heart (and one of them is
my own). And back then, I was what you’d
call a ‘phone person.’ I enjoyed talking on the phone for hours. I’m not a
phone person now. I actually dislike talking on the phone. I’d rather text or
email. Hmm, what does that say about me?
I noticed a while back, while hanging out with my brother,
his wife, and Rich, that each of us was trying to out-Google or YouTube the
other for the answer to ‘Who Let the Dogs Out’. The three of us were all thumbs
on our smartphones. No big deal, everyone does it, right?
If we go out to dinner or are waiting in line, you’ll find
Rich or I each checking Facebook to see what’s the latest funny or serious post
‘so and so’ put out. If I’m not on my computer, I’m on my phone. The wintertime
is the worst because I’m not distracted by the call of nature and fun
opportunities.
I came across an article on Facebook about a 21-day
challenge to NOT use a mobile device in the presence of others. Reading the
article I recognized that my cellphone habit had taken over my life. Since I’m
always up for a challenge, I decided to personally take it. What could it hurt?
Day 1: Waiting for a client to arrive, I’ve often waited out
in the open in the area where others are still doing their workouts. Normally,
I’d take my cell phone and sit down and preoccupy myself for 10-15
minutes. I wasn’t watching the people
working out; I was just present, not engaged. I’m new to this space so I don’t
know them and they don’t know me. My cell phone is a perfectly acceptable place
to hide from my insecurity if nobody talks to me. So I forced myself to sit
there. Two minutes later, I retreated to my session room to pull out my cell
phone. The feeling of wondering what they might be thinking of me was too
intense.
Day 2: I was at the Chiropractic office. I caught myself
reaching for the phone while in the waiting room. I could be waiting for 30
appropriate minutes. That meant that I’d have to make eye contact with the
older man sitting there. I could read a magazine, but it’s the height of flu
season and everyone has been touching those magazines. Gross! Go ahead and mock
me, I don’t care! I have not gotten sick once this winter. So I look up at the
receptionist and make small talk. She engaged me until the phone rang. Then I
turned and started talking to the older man. He was very nice and didn’t sneeze
on me so we could be friends for 30 minutes.
Day 3: Post-op appointment at Northwest Surgical. I felt the urge to pull my phone out but
caught myself. In my mind, I patted
myself on the back for remembering my 21-day challenge. There were many people
in the waiting room but they were filling out forms, so no one to talk to.
Plenty of magazines, but we already covered that. Luckily they had a TV on. It
was Saturday and I wanted to Google the skin care infomercial that was playing
but I didn’t.
Day 4: Met up with some old high school friends at church
and lunch. I was tempted to want to take my phone out to Facebook that we were
all together, maybe even post a picture, but I didn’t.
Day 5: I was not around any people that day. So I could use
my phone freely. However, I was wondering if I was being rude to Fred for
pulling out my phone in his presence? I scratched his ears and belly and told
him not to tell anyone our little secret.
Day 6: At the spur of the moment, I was able to attend the 5
Broken Cameras movie screening an hour from home. I was thrilled to meet up
with old friends and new friends. In a way, for me, it was a historical moment.
The Oscar nominated movie was life changing and opened my eyes to the
Occupation in Palestine. I would have posted something about the visceral effect
the movie had on me, but I kept my phone in my purse. The best part was I got
to finally meet one of my new Muslim friends, Angie, who I had been corresponding
with on Facebook for months. I wanted to document the moment (like I’d normally
do). Luckily, Bentley, my old friend captured the moment for us. Afterwards,
Rich and I and Bentley went out for coffee with 7 of his male Palestine
friends. We had the best conversation about their personal experiences here in
our country and their homeland. Some
comments were funny; others were serious and heart breaking. They let me ask a
million questions. Okay, only about 6, but they were bold ones. Grateful for their
authenticity, I wanted to document the moment by taking out my camera and
asking them all to smile and say ‘Baklava’. Bentley didn’t pull out his camera
naturally, nor did Rich, so I had to let the moment go and hope we’d have
another opportunity to bridge build again in the future.
Day 7: Back to the Chiropractor, but the Algonquin office. I
was starting to get used to how I was feeling internally not having my phone in
hand in the presence of others. It wasn’t so bad. I wasn’t about to touch the
magazines, but half-tempted to read a few brochures. Luckily, he called my name
in 5 minutes.
Day 8: Met a friend for lunch. I was a few minutes early.
Again, old habit would have been to avoid stupid feeling by looking at
cellphone. Instead, I looked at the people in the restaurant. I played an old
people watching game in my head: I wonder what they do for a living? I wonder
if they are happy? The yoga teacher in me started to look at the way they were
sitting all collapsed at the chest and hunched in their shoulders. I started
one imaginary conversation in my head to one dear woman about her posture. That
kept me preoccupied until my friend arrived.
Day 10: If I am driving locally around town, I have been
leaving my phone at home more and more. The first week I noticed that as soon
as I wasn’t around people or I left their company, I was running at break-neck
speed to my car to get my phone fix. Like a person who lights up and takes that
first puff of their cigarette, I’d exhale as soon as my apps opened up.
Day 12: This was the hardest day of all. I went out to lunch
with Rich. He pulled out his phone, like I normally had done in the past too. I
was instantly furious. “Really, Dude, how rude can you be?” went though my
head. He was getting me up to speed on the latest Facebook social justice
debate thread we both participated in earlier. I noticed my breath got shallow.
I tried to look around at other people. I even think he may have caught my evil
eye but I gave a half smile like I was cool with it. I didn’t want to appear
all judgmental and bitchy. I mean, the guy was nice enough to take me out to
lunch. Be civil, I told myself. The anger I felt was a clue that my phone
addiction was real, and I resented others who also had this addiction. I needed
their help and wanted things to go back to way it used to be circa 2000. John Kabat-Zinn writes, “Awareness requires only that we pay attention and see things as they
are. Let everything become your teacher: your body, your attitudes, your mind,
your pain, other people, your mistakes, your successes, nature, all your
moments.” So since I didn’t have anything to occupy myself, when the
waitress came over to ask our drink order, I was so social I bet she was
expecting me to invite her to Thanksgiving. Being present when others are not
is difficult for me.
Day 14: I was at a large gathering on heart health for women.
It was very interesting. There were a few lulls in the event where I wanted to
pull out my phone. The lady right next to me pulled out her phone. She was half
talking to me, and half texting away like a 14-year old. There was that nasty
feeling of judgment in me again. Oh, that is not a nice feeling. I wanted to
whip out my phone and be just as unmannerly. But I caught my thoughts. I mean
this nice lady may be texting with her kids, or telling her lawyer to go ahead
and file the motion against her dead-beat husband who hasn’t been paying child
support for six months since they divorced. Yep, this is what I had to do to
talk my way through my own nasty thoughts.
Day 18: Our adult son, Kevin, joined us for dinner. As soon
as we said grace, he pulled his plate closer with one hand, and his cellphone
with his other. I wanted to give an audible sigh of disappointment, but I
didn’t. There are some battles that are not worth fighting over; besides, this
isn’t a battle between he and I, this is my internal battle. It’s about being
present with others and not using my phone as a crutch when I’m ignored,
insecure, bored, or even curious. We were not even halfway through dinner, and
both Rich and Kevin were showing each other car and comical videos on YouTube.
I just sat back and listened to them laugh and smiled.
Day 19: Met up with our neighbors to have dinner and listen
to the band. Everyone had his or her cellphone with them. At one point they
were pulling out their phones and sharing old wedding photos stored in their
phone. I wanted to pull my smartphone out too to show my wedding photos, but
didn’t. I was able to enjoy their company (and pictures) and be fully present.
You know how they say it takes 21-days to break a habit? I
realize that I may need a 12-Step Program. I still notice the anxiety when I
can’t reach for my phone around others. I still have the stupid feeling when
I’m somewhere where I don’t know anyone--which is funny because I don’t seem to
have that problem when I fly and can’t have my cellphone on for a couple of
hours. I talk to people around me if I’m in the mood. I’ll read a book or I’ll
watch a movie, maybe even sleep. I can do without my phone in the presence of
others for 2-4 hours without feeling disturbed in my spirit. Why is it so hard
to be without my phone while waiting for an appointment? I think I just need to
recondition my brain.
I remember the old days when we’d run home to listen to our
answering machines. Heck, I remember what it was like before there were
answering machines. It was a simple time. Now, in the company of others, we
listen to our voicemails as others sit within earshot. We text profusely as if
we have a secret that nobody else can see. If asked, “What’s the text?” we
become vague or glib. We zone out when the conversation becomes dull; YouTube
is far more exciting then spending time together. Instead of enjoying simple
moments and tuning into what’s REALLY going on inside of our hearts and minds,
me miss out on the transforming information we can learn from being fully
present.
A test to see if you are addicted to your phone:
*Ask if they know when the next Avengers movie or Downton Abby DVD will be released so you can use your phone without seeming rude. Perfectly acceptable to pull out your phone once they pull out theirs.
*Play Words With Friends while in the same room with your friend.
3) How many data minutes do you use a month:
*Not that many, wish you could sell your extra minutes
*You are the master of utilizing and surfing random wifi
*You'd sell your first born to pay off your monthly phone bill
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