Rich and I were having dinner
after a movie the other day. We started to reminisce about when we first met.
All of a sudden I gasped and said, “I totally forgot to mark the occasion and celebrate 30 years ago when we met. November 8th was the day we met. In my depression over the election, I totally forgot.”
I had prepared a blog this month post-election on Political Consciousness: How I was going to cope and behave the next four years under a Trump Presidency. I had spent the last few weeks after the election off social media so I could rejuvenate my spirit. The election leveled me. I was heavily invested. I need to spend time away from the boasting, berating, and blaming in the media. I turned off the TV and watched Netflix or sitcoms. I deactivated FB for weeks because I could hardly cope reading dear friends of mine who were terrified for their future (because they were marginalized minorities, LGBT, under resourced or under insured, undocumented immigrants, or religiously different then Christians). Personally, I needed to do a deep dive and try to understand this dense despondent energy within me.
All of a sudden I gasped and said, “I totally forgot to mark the occasion and celebrate 30 years ago when we met. November 8th was the day we met. In my depression over the election, I totally forgot.”
I had prepared a blog this month post-election on Political Consciousness: How I was going to cope and behave the next four years under a Trump Presidency. I had spent the last few weeks after the election off social media so I could rejuvenate my spirit. The election leveled me. I was heavily invested. I need to spend time away from the boasting, berating, and blaming in the media. I turned off the TV and watched Netflix or sitcoms. I deactivated FB for weeks because I could hardly cope reading dear friends of mine who were terrified for their future (because they were marginalized minorities, LGBT, under resourced or under insured, undocumented immigrants, or religiously different then Christians). Personally, I needed to do a deep dive and try to understand this dense despondent energy within me.
Reflecting back over the
15-month election season, I realized that I screwed up while having many
conversations with ardent Trump supporters. In many conversations I found my
reformist voice. In many conversations I wanted to scream. I was deeply
attached to the outcome. Attachment creates suffering. One thing I know for
sure, I don’t want to repeat any of this in four years (when Trump runs as an
incumbent). I have to figure out how to do better. How do I move forward
politically compassionate and conscious? (More on that in a later blog.)
It bugged me that the
election sideswiped me so much that I went weeks without remembering the day I
met the love of my life, my Prince Charming. For years, I had been waiting to
tell the ‘how we met’ story--to acknowledge the man who’s been my best friend
for 30 years.
We met at a bible study.
However, we saw each other without meeting 3 months earlier at a hot dog
stand.
My friend, Jean Werner and I
worked at the same real estate office in the summer of 1986. She needed to go
to the courthouse one day and asked if I would drive her. We did our courthouse
errand and then she wanted to get something to eat. She wanted me to specifically
stop at The Dog House. As we pulled into The Dog House parking lot, a thought
came to mind, “Wouldn’t it be cool if God
could give me a preview of the man I’m going to marry next?” Mind you, I
was a few weeks away from my divorce court date. But being 22-years old, my mind may as well have
been like a high school girl who took off her boyfriend’s ring and gave it back
so she could go out with the next boy. I know it wasn’t mature.
Jean was inside The Dog House
for 15 minutes getting her food. It was hot outside. I was hungry too and
feeling a bit irritated that I didn’t bring any money for myself. The first guy I see walking out of The Dog
House is a handsome guy in cut off shorts. As he walks to his car parked in
front of me, I thought, “I’m going to
marry that guy!”
I didn’t tell Jean when she
got back into the car my odd thoughts, “It
would be cool if God could give me a preview of the next man I was going to
marry” to “I’m going to marry that guy”-a total stranger in Waukegan IL.
Jean was happy she had her
food and ran into a friend-that’s what was taking her so long. “I saw Rich Brandt. Remember him? He’s the guy
I told you about who’s my pastor whose going through marital problems.” My
next thought, “Oh my gawd, I just lusted
after a pastor.”
What I didn’t know was Rich
saw Jean get into my car as he was leaving. A few days later he called Jean and
invited her to a bible study he and his twin brother were going to start. He
also asked about me. He told me after we started dating that he remembered
pausing to look at me in his rear-view mirror. He describes it like this: “time literally stood still when I saw your
face, and I thought, wow, that is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in
my life—a true, deep, all-encompassing beauty. It was dreamy. I was hoping to meet you somehow---especially once I saw that you were friends with Jean.”
Jean started to attend Rich
and Ralph’s bible study. A few times after that moment in The Dog House parking
lot in August of 1986, Jean also invited me to go to that bible study. I
declined.
After my divorce, I was a single mom not making much money yet in real estate. I literally had a car, a bike, and a stereo to my name. God knew I was going to get divorced because he gave me Kevin, who was a perfect, easy little boy. The only trouble I had was he was often sick (projectile throw up just before I went to work in the morning). His little body was going through something. My doctor wondered if he was affected by the divorce? I went through nine babysitters the first year as a single mom. I remember my lawyer telling me, “You may be emotionally ready to be divorced, but you’re not financially ready.”
After my divorce, I was a single mom not making much money yet in real estate. I literally had a car, a bike, and a stereo to my name. God knew I was going to get divorced because he gave me Kevin, who was a perfect, easy little boy. The only trouble I had was he was often sick (projectile throw up just before I went to work in the morning). His little body was going through something. My doctor wondered if he was affected by the divorce? I went through nine babysitters the first year as a single mom. I remember my lawyer telling me, “You may be emotionally ready to be divorced, but you’re not financially ready.”
I was living with my aunt in
affluent Lake Forrest IL. Of course, I felt like Liza Doolittle. I appreciated
the generosity of my Aunt Bunny and Uncle Scott. Even with their help, they
both knew I was in over my head. One night, after dinner, they sat me down and
recommended that I give Kevin back to his dad for full time custody. My income was solely by real estate commissions. I wanted to make a go of it. However, it takes time to build up a clientele. They
thought I should go to secretarial school. I knew they were right; I was
unprepared to raise Kevin as a single mom. My heart was anxious and torn. I
felt guilty that I was putting Kevin in stressful situations. How was I going to make it? Another thought
popped into my head again, “Call Jean. See
if you can go to that bible study she keeps inviting you to.” I did. I met
her there the next day.
I was in need of Christian
counsel and support. I made a promise to God when I got divorced that I would
never do anything drastic again without getting the wisdom of others.
When I went to the bible study, Rich’s twin, Ralph, was warm, friendly and curious; within 10-minutes he had my entire life story and my reason for coming to the bible study. Rich was quiet. His energy seemed weighed down as he listened. I appreciated what each person said as they spoke into my situation. Rich looked at me and said, “I just got divorced. I don’t have custody of my kids. It’s heartbreaking to be away from them. Whatever you have to do, don’t give up custody of your son. If you have to eat Macaroni & Cheese the rest of your life, don’t give up your son, Kevin.” That resonated with me thoroughly; I could do that. It gave me hope. It’s what I needed to hear. I was able to confidently let my aunt and uncle know I wasn’t giving Kevin back to Danny.
When I went to the bible study, Rich’s twin, Ralph, was warm, friendly and curious; within 10-minutes he had my entire life story and my reason for coming to the bible study. Rich was quiet. His energy seemed weighed down as he listened. I appreciated what each person said as they spoke into my situation. Rich looked at me and said, “I just got divorced. I don’t have custody of my kids. It’s heartbreaking to be away from them. Whatever you have to do, don’t give up custody of your son. If you have to eat Macaroni & Cheese the rest of your life, don’t give up your son, Kevin.” That resonated with me thoroughly; I could do that. It gave me hope. It’s what I needed to hear. I was able to confidently let my aunt and uncle know I wasn’t giving Kevin back to Danny.
I was poor as a church mouse
as a single mom. Our first apartment didn't have any furniture except a kitchen table and piled up folded blankets as a couch. But I was happiest I had ever been in my life. I had my little boy in my daily care. We ate
lots of Macaroni & Cheese.
As we left the bible study, I said to Jean, “I thought you said Rich was married?” Jean raised her eyebrows and smiled and teased me, “Ooooooh, you and Rich?” I said, “Don’t even think about it. That’s all I need, a depressed ex-pastor.”
Little did I know then, that wouldn’t be the last piece of life changing wisdom
that Rich would give to me. He became my best friend, counsel, and the love of
my life, husband, and a perfect stepfather to Kevin. We were blessed.
To finish the story, a couple of months after meeting at the bible study, Rich came over to my aunt’s house to get to know me. That was the night when we properly fell in love, on a moonlit walk with large snowflakes falling around us as if we were in a snow globe. A few weeks after that we had our first date and our first kiss in downtown Chicago.
I was head over heels for this kind, witty, spiritual, intelligent, and
gorgeous man. I loved him. I loved his three darling children. Prayers to God
went up in hopes that he’d love me back.
I can’t believe that 30 years
have gone by already. So much has happened since November 8, 1986. We’ve had
our ups and downs. But there have been more ups, thankfully. We’ve grown as
individuals and as a couple. Our differences are few. We are in alignment on
most everything like twin flames. Spiritually we’ve evolved. Love, laughter, respect
and appreciation draw us close. God has never given up on us since arranging us
together so many years ago. I’d be lost without Rich in my life. I’m not sure
what I did to deserve him? I’m grateful to God and the angels, and for a hungry
Jean Werner; and for whimsical thoughts that pop into my mind—perfectly timed serendipitous
moments. We know we were meant to be together.
Rich told me this quote recently that wholly sums up our 30 years together on the nature of love. ‘Even in human relationships, the perfection of love comes at the end of a long loving relationship, not at the beginning.’
