HOLY COW

 I’ve wanted to do something for a long time. I’m not looking for permission. I am looking for support. To do what I want to do will take more then will power and determination. 

No, I’m not going to write a book (just yet) or jump out of a plane, run a marathon, or even declare that I will lose 40lbs over the next year. What I want to do is bigger than my ever-expanding hips. 

I want to become a Vegan--not a store-bought fake-meat vegan; not the kind that can eat Oreos because they are vegan (good to know in a pinch!). I want to be a Plant Based Vegan. That means it will take overcoming conscious and subconscious conditioned cultural values, customs, and traditions. 

For most people, food is an addiction. “Hi, my name is Kim. And I eat too much of the wrong kinds of food for me!” 

It’s counter cultural to be vegan. Have you ever tried it? It's hard!  If the whole world were vegan, then it would be easy. It's also not for everyone.

I’ve had some starts and stops on the way to veganism: a few days here, a few weeks there. I’ve got a dozen vegan cookbooks. I’ve watched the vegan animal documentaries. I follow all the best vegan Facebook pages. I’ve had a secret Vegan Pinterest board for three years. I’ve found the two best vegan restaurants in West Palm Beach (maybe in all of Florida). They are SOOOO good; it almost makes me want to move there. And last but not least, I have Rich’s support.

Rich likes eating vegan too. I KNOW, shocker, huh???? My meat and potatoes guy, who never ate veggies until we got married, has made some damn good vegan dishes. We both feel so much better and have a ton of energy when we do eat vegan. My digestion is always like, “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Deep down, I think my body is really craving healing and repair, not a cheeseburger.

I’ve always marveled at anyone who was able to sustain a vegan or vegetarian lifestyle for years or decades. Paul McCartney once said, "If slaughterhouses had glass walls everyone would be vegetarian." I used to think they had something unique or special that I didn’t have. Maybe they have the true, ‘Just say NO’ gene? I do find occasionally I can eat vegan. Then there is an epic brunch we’re invited to, or Kevin comes home for a visit and wants a sushi dinner, and I cave. I don’t say anything because I haven’t figured out how to manage the social norm, the unsolicited rolling of the eyes, or the protein push back.

When I go home to Chicago, I want a Portillos Italian beef and Lou Malnati’s sausage, mushroom and onion pizza with my brother. If I’m in Arizona, I want steak, beer-brats, or chili made by my dad. These are all food attachments because of the memories stored in the limbic system of my brain. They have a strong and profound affect on the release of dopamine and serotonin (happy chemicals). And much like a recovering drug addict going back to their old stomping grounds, or an alcoholic going back to the bar they once frequent, we all default back to what’s easy and what makes us socially acceptable.

However, I can’t stop seeing family or friends. And I can’t stop eating. And I can’t deny that devouring a juicy beer-brat or eating a slice of Lou’s pizza is my version of meat epicurean’s heaven.  And, frankly, I’m not sure how I’ll live without Brie cheese and liver mousse pate? That would have been my last dying meal.

So what’s a recovering carnivore to do? I don’t know? I’m working on that. I think by putting it out there, I’m asking for others who know me to not make it more difficult. And if you are on that path too, speak up and let’s support each other.

There are unwavering Vegans who can be over the top, much like a street corner Christian Evangelist. Seriously, I think they do it from good intentions. Their effort to be vocal also comes from a place of conviction. I’ve learned there is so much shocking data the average American or Earthling doesn’t know—the dangerous crisis to sustain our food source or our fragile environment; or the benefits for our long term health. If you want to know, ask. We could even have a thought provoking conversation about it. 

  

There's witty carnivores who shame too. I see the anti-vegan memes all the time. Which tend to keep me underground and emotionally defenseless; I mean, how can you argue with someone who has a lifetime love for bacon but not pigs? 

Really, I don’t want to be a Vegan Zealot. I also don’t want to be shamed or experience guilt by my carnivore friends and family. And I doubt we'd have good odds in Vegas after trying to lose weight for the 100th time in 30 years. For those of you who will want to mock us to our face or behind our backs, (you know who you are), don't knock it until you try it. They're a lot of subconscious reasons for why people give in to diets or health programs (most of them have to do with self-esteem and fears of disappointing people in their respective tribe). So be curious. Be happy. And if you can’t do that, I dare say, mind your own business and pass me the salad. ;-) 

This is what it looks like when people around you are genuinely supportive:

“Hey, how’s it going on your pursuit to eat healthy and eat humane?”

“Let’s go to this restaurant because you can at least eat Vegetarian.”

“I’d love to try a new vegan dish. Please have us over soon.”
“How can I support you around the holidays or at events?”
(BTW-you don’t have to cook for us. We will bring our own stuff to remove any burden.)”

I’m not sure if I’m capable of always being Vegan? If I could be 80% more humane and healthy with my food choices, at this point, I’d feel more spiritually and eco responsible. Of course, a crisis can tip the strongest Vegan or Paleo or No-Carb person off their plan.  The more I meditate and pray, or watch the latest documentaries, and read books, the more I'll feel grounded and confident. 

Some days there are no restaurants with vegan choices. I mean, NONE, NADA! Unless I ask for plain beans or rice. So I’ll eat vegetarian. If I’m served meat as a guest in someone’s house or at my dad’s, I will graciously eat those one or two meals with thanksgiving (much like the American Indians did with their meat feasts). But then speak up for myself about my food preferences. Presently, I’m intuitively Vegan but practically Omnivore. I'm giving myself a year to fully transition. And I'm okay with saying I'm Vegan-ish in some situations outside of my control. 

The why: There is an unspoken place in my spirit that aligns with this choice to eat Plant Based Vegan. I love the practice of Ahimsa as defined: all living beings have the spark of the divine spiritual energy; therefore, to hurt another being is to hurt oneself. There is also the treating your body as a temple as instructed from the bible and many religious texts. When it comes to food, I’ve not been my true self. I’ve been too gluttonous and self-sabotaging with my food choices (including too much sugar and processed foods). I’ve been eating out of fear and eating mindlessly. I’d like to change that.

When Fred died, it leveled me. He was such an incredible sentient being. The unconditional love he offered was more than I deserved. I swear he could look deep into my soul. I felt it. I’m grateful for the time we got to spend with our Guardian of Being. I want to be as kind to other creatures as Fred was towards me. The cow or pig or lamb has as much value as Fred.

The ask: Encourage me to do what’s right ‘for me’, and honor me with your support. I shall do the same for you.