Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man. ~Benjamin Franklin
Dear Future Kim,
I just wanted to give you a heads up in 2011 so you can move forward and not go backwards. Note to Self: You did pretty well in 2010, but I’d like to point out some things so you don’t fall on your ass and break your coccyx again. That’s right, I said, coccyx. You know what that is now that you’ve passed your first semester of Anatomy (with flying colors I might add). Keep up the good work. I know you like the subject matter, but what concerns me is you’ve gotten locked into ‘striving’ again. You’ve gotten away from mindful-living since school started. Remember where ambition got you before? Exhausted, with your waking prayer being, “Help me Jesus!” Getting A’s, means you won’t have a life. However, if you stay organized, you can get B’s (which is acceptable to your ego). That way you can continue to enjoy BEING without losing your self while going back to school in 2011. Teaching yoga classes for others and hitting the books will make you crazy if you don’t carve out time to do your own yoga practice, meditate, pray, and surround yourself with people who really ‘get you’. Don’t give away all your precious energy. So in between doing downward dog and remembering the bony landmark of the tibia tuberosity and the occipital protuberance, make sure to dial down some of your expectations of yourself and others so you can take pleasure in life
Honor your body’s natural rhythms this winter. Bears hibernate for a reason. Slow down and stay warm. Take naps when you can (don’t feel guilty). Sip warm drinks, watch funny movies, and make sure to do creative things that use the right side of your brain. That will keep you in the present moment and from worrying about next week’s tests. If you hang out in the left side of your brain too much, you’ll be drained in no time at all.
How about in 2011, you cut back on the red meat Ms. Carnivore? In fact, cut out about 500 calories each day. Turing to baloney sandwiches on Wonder Bread when other people ignore, misjudge, or disappoint is really stupid. I mean Freakin Stupid!! In 2011, it’s time to DEAL with your dependence to all things processed. Last year your goal was to get in shape for the spring. This year’s goal for 2011 is to get in shape so the TSA don’t talk about you after you go through the scanner. As your internal self, I personally think you sabotage your weight because you don’t believe you can keep it off permanently. Look into that. Don’t worry, the answers and help will come. You intuitively KNOW what’s best for you and want to do it. Just make space for honoring all your experiences and emotions then let them go! You only have this present moment, be good to yourself!
Don’t let 2011 pass without enjoying all of those friendships that bless you in your spare time. There are also people you don’t really enjoy being around anymore because of how little they care about you. If I made a pie chart, I’d say that you spend about 15% or your mental energy trying to win these people’s approval. I know you think you are a nice person and everyone should like you-they don’t! And just because you do A, doesn’t mean it’s going to get you B. Stop waiting for relationships that are complicated to magically change into a Disney Movie. Have you ever had a cartoon blue bird land on your shoulder and start singing? NO! Get over it Pollyanna! Accept those parts of your life that may always be complex. If it changes, great! If it doesn’t, move on! Remember when you were a kid after a storm? You’d hop on your bike and try to chase after the rainbow? Some things can never be reached, so let go of false hope. In your heart of hearts you know where you tried. Accept things as they are, not what you want them to be.
Also, remember, nothing is ENTIERLY your fault. You’ve been doing better with that, but you have a ways to go. Stop taking on all the responsibility for other people’s behavior or attitudes. Take a deep breath, smile, and walk away. Oh and Kim, it’s okay to walk away, not call, not text, not show up, etc. Those who want to do life with you will invite you to sit at the table. Those who don’t really want to do life with you are not losing sleep over making things better with you. So don’t lose sleep over them. You’re a big girl; you can handle it more than you think. Remember that everyone has their ‘own issues’ that they’re dealing with just like you. There are always two sides of every coin. Let go of what can’t be fixed by one person alone. Own your own stuff, not others. This need for people’s approval, doesn’t serve you. Actually, it bugs the crap out of me when you do this. Relationships should never be one-sided. Give your heart and soul to those who dig having you around and appreciate what you bring to their world.
In the meantime, expand your world more so your heart doesn’t get small. You have a passion for the under resourced, social justice, diversity (even religious diversity), and peace. Yeah, you’re probably the most idealistic person I know, so find a pocket of life where you can find more ways to express this passion. You’re not the only one who wants more peace and sanity. You get into these enthusiastic conversations with others where you’re practically levitating. It’s because you have all this zeal and energy that you need to let out. God has placed it in your heart for a reason, so go discover where you can make a difference this year. Take some risks. Let’s see if by May of 2011 you can plug in somewhere.
You and Rich are on a different path then many of your Evangelical Christian friends. I think God has done that for a purpose that’s yet to unfold before your eyes. Don’t panic. You’re outside the Christian bubble you once lived in. You fret that it makes others question your faith in Christ, loyalty to the church, or whether you are a spiritual heathen. It’s okay that you don’t agree with all of Wayne Grudem Systematic Theology and find yourself more in alignment with Brian McLaren. Trust me, you are rock solid when it comes to Christ, but everything else has been questioned. You are glad for the shift within. Don’t doubt the deeper good of why this has happened. And for the love of Peter, stop worrying about how to defend these changes. Continue forward with Act 10: 34-35 “I see very clearly that God doesn’t show partiality. In every nation he accepts those who fear him and do what is right.” Continue to have an open mind and an open heart. All God is asking you to do is “recklessly Love” others who are seekers and those who are not seeking. They are all the same to Him.
Something else you may need to know: Home is where the heart is. You’ve seen friends lose their homes. They have been devastated and broken by it. I don’t blame them. How does one give up their home? It happens for so many reasons. This is not an easy economy and things that you thought were an investment (like real estate) are worthless now. It is NOT the end of the world. Keep a loose grip on ‘stuff’ and an even looser grip on all those American Dreams. Instead, keep a firm grip on things that are Eternal--things that really last. You have an awesome husband and a Fred the wonder dog. What else do you need? Remind yourself of that; in case the time comes when, like millions of other Americans, you have to let go of a place that you ‘think’ is your real home. Don’t be attached to anything. If you have the answer already settled in your mind, it won’t shake your foundation should the day come when you have to move. Continue to be grateful for all you have, because you have SOOOOOOO much!
Have fun in 2011! Meet your friends for lunch, and meet your husband for lunch. I guess that proves lunch is your favorite meal of the day. Enjoy! Start getting a business plan in place too. Create a vision. Things are ramping up with your massage and yoga therapy. Also, face it, you’re getting older: peri-menopause is full on and is starting to mess with your head. Start reading up on it. You were pretty tripped up on all your stops and starts from month to month. Don’t become one of the irrational women whose husbands need to cut a wide path around them because they are going through the ‘change’. Oh and don’t freak out in the spring if you lose all your hair. You’ll probably blow-your-coat again so go buy some cute hats. Problem solved! Continue to be a kid at heart. Go to the parades (I dare you to go to a gay one); discover new things—you have a Prius so you can go anywhere for pennies, make those mindful moments happen: sitting under trees and marvel at stillness, watch the squirrels carry their nuts. Make friends with every new puppy you can meet. Dance like a fool, sing like you’ve been gifted a voice (ignore that everyone knows you we not), laugh until you pee in your pants, and love from a pure place that is your true self. Keep writing even though it makes others wonder what planet you’re from, or fear you’ll write something that paints them in a bad light. Just write your own truth. Be real and be vulnerable. Sometimes you’ll write something that matters and other times it will be pitiful dribble from the heart of a fool. And remember what Kevin says, “Do what makes you happy, Mom.” Okay, Kev, I’m on it! And lastly, if you do nothing else, BREATHE and stay present!
All the best in 2011 as things unfold moment by moment,
Past Kim
