Meditation In A Parked Car

I had the sweetest minute of bliss the other day. 
It wasn't chocolate or a few minutes of extra sleep. No, it happened when I pulled into a parking space at my least favorite grocery store in town. 

I had been running around for hours spending money on things I didn't want to spend money on. I was irritated. Instead of a grocery list in hand, I had a long list of disappointments in my head.

I turned off the car and just sat there. I didn't want to move. People were walking around in the parking lot doing their own thing. I didn't care. I gave no thought to anything. I sat with the radio and engine off. Time stopped. I stopped. The mental rushing around stopped. I noticed how my body felt: tired. I noticing my breath: it had been the first time that I paid any attention to it that day. 

In that moment, intuitively, I needed to just BE.
Sitting, existing, in silence, observing nothing and everything.  

That one minute was worth a month of therapy, a good nights sleep, or a pat on the back from a supportive friend. 

The daily act of meditation can be transformative spiritually, physically, and emotionally. You can actually retrain your brain to spiritually crave meditation. 

The benefit of daily practice is my 'conscious awareness muscle' is developing; I know when I'm 'off' sooner than later. Often, something unexplainable (maybe it's consciousness, maybe it's God?) gently nudges me to meditation. 

I don't get hung up on how long to meditate. Science has shown that meditating for 20-minutes 2x a day is optimal. I'm lazy. I only do 20-minutes once a day; I'd be an unhappy crazy person if I didn't. But even if I only mediated for 1-minute or 5-minutes (and I have) it's beneficial. Breath, stillness, awareness is all you need to meditate. It's the ultimate mobile device. 

After formal meditation is over, I try to do my best to live mindfully (using my 5 senses in the present moment). Some days Mindful Living is a walk-in-the park (literally, a walk in the park). Other days, poof, the day is over and I missed it because I was stuck in my head ruminating. 


But the other day, sitting in the grocery parking lot, feeling depleted and mildly depressed, after 1- minute, I knew everything was going to be alright. Nothing was wrong in THAT moment (except what I was believing in my head). I had everything I needed in that one moment of stillness. That 1-minute of BEING still, got me out of my head. The Here and Now enveloped me. Like I said, it was bliss. 

1-minute Parked Car Meditation: Try it, you may like it. 

#FeelTheBern

Rich and I have been following politics our entire 30 years together. We've watched nearly all the debates, primaries, and conventions of both political parties since 1988. We were strict Republicans up until 2008. So we have a pretty good understanding of the agendas on both sides.

This presidential election has been of particular interest because in all of our years of analyzing candidates, there has never been anyone quite like Bernie Sanders.

When Bernie first announced his candidacy, and we heard about his platform, we loved what he stood for but didn't think he had any realistic chance of winning. However, we hoped at least he'd create a conversation about issues that nobody else was addressing-issues that we too had concern and passion around.

One of the major concerns was the fact that the average salary for the working class has stayed the same since 1978. Meanwhile the average salary of CEO's went from 15x higher than the average worker, to 350x higher. So basically, our economy has been growing over the last 40 years, but the only people to benefit from it have been the wealthy. The unmitigated greed of the upper class was most dramatically seen in the total collapse of our economy in 2008 when corporate avarice nearly drove this country to bankruptcy. To make matters worse, it was the middle class who had to bail out Wall Street. The reason for this terrible inequity over the last 40 years is because of tax breaks, deregulation, and other legislation favoring corporate America and the wealthy since Reagan. Consequently the rich now (through campaign funding, Super Pacs, and lobbyists) control elections and legislation. And every presidential candidate in recent history has been apart of this marriage between money and government-both Democrats and Republicans. That's why the phenomenon of Bernie Sanders is so amazing, because he is the one exception. Not only does he refuse to take money from corporations or SuperPacs, but he is aggressively attacking this injustice and calling it what it is-an oligarchy.

(PAID FOR BY BERNIE 2016 -NOT THE BILLIONAIRES) 

Many of our other political concerns ( health care for all Americans, protecting Social Security Benefits, reducing college debt, raising the minimum wage, addressing climate change, regulating the food industry, providing immigration reform) will only be fixed if someone is bold enough to try and stop wealthy corporations from controlling every decision in Congress. Otherwise, it's more of the same!

Much to our surprise millions of other Americans feel the way we do (especially younger voters). For not  only were our initial hopes of Bernie changing the conversation realized, but now he unexpectedly is an extremely viable contender for the Democratic nomination. And all the polls show him beating Republican candidates in November by an even bigger margin than Hillary Clinton.

Our passion has been stirred up to such a degree that for the first time ever we made telephone calls for a presidential candidate, we have donated money, and we attended a huge rally of 9,000 people in Tampa FL where we got to see Bernie in person.

I know many people are afraid that his ideas are unrealistic or unaffordable. The truth is, he only wants to correct the unfairness that has developed in the last 40 years by making the wealthy pay their fair share, ending corporate subsidies and tax breaks for millionaires, and taxing Wall Street speculation. This alone will increase government revenues by a few trillion dollars. Taxes on the middle class will go up slightly (a few percentage points), but they will actually end up with more money in their pockets because they will no longer need to pay for health insurance under a public healthcare system.

The other concern non-Bernie supporters have is that he is a socialist--which for many Americans is a dirty word. It doesn't mean he is a communist, nor does it mean he opposes capitalism. He simply believes that the government should guarantee certain rights to its citizens. So in that sense, America has been socialist for a long time. Social security, medicare, unemployment benefits & a federal minimum wage are all forms of socialism. So are public services like parks, sanitation & the fire department (even tax many write offs, grants, or loans we get for buying a house or collage loans). And every tax break for corporations is also a form of socialism. All that is different about Bernie is that he wants the government to help the working class, and the poor, instead of the wealthy. He wants to call out a corrupted system that has no accountability.

Because of our Christian faith, we feel that helping the underprivileged is the priority, and are appalled at the rise of poverty in this country because a full-time worker is expected to live on less than $8 per hour.  That is absurd, greedy, and immoral! I also love how Bernie is willing to shine a light on the insurance and pharmaceutical industry that's crippling families financially with debt and high deductibles. We don't care if others do not feel the same way about these policy issues. However, we do feel an obligation to speak up for Bernie Sanders and what he stands for.

Lastly, yes, there is something idealistic about Bernie Sanders. His message is resonating with millions of people (of all ages, races, and religions).  Millions of people are not looking to give or receive handouts (sorry, Republicans, you have it ALL wrong if you think that about us). We are looking for RADICAL reform of outdated system. Bernie's sincere and has a vision for a country that is no longer in bed with Wall Street, and run by mere Washington puppets.  Part of his efforts include overturning Citizens United that buy elections through SuperPacs. Don't we all agree that the Koch brothers giving $900 million to their favored candidate contradicts the whole idea of democracy, where every one should have an equal say.  Bernie is he only candidate without a SuperPac.

I'm both an idealist and an optimist. If Bernie wins there is no way Congress will work with him. Perfect! Bernie wants to give the power back to the people. We The People will make phone calls to our congressmen and senators and demand change. We'll rise up and march on Washington and take back our country (without guns). It happened with woman's suffrage in the 20's, it happened with civil rights in the 60's, now it is our turn to insure this country's policies are fair for all of us, not just some of us.

THOSE PEOPLE

I’ve noticed something coming out of a lot of people’s mouth lately: “What’s up with THOSE people? You know, THOSE________(fill in the blank) people? Next comes the pejorative statement about them: "THOSE people are______________(fill in the blank)."  Have you heard yourself saying it? I’m guilty. Have you heard other people saying it? Notice while you’re at work, on the train, sitting at a restaurant, or on social media. I watch a lot of news. During the election year I’ve watched every Republican and Democrat debate and Town Hall. I say THOSE people at least once a day. 

We moved down to Florida. It’s dreamy in a many ways: weather, ocean, vast blue skies with puffy clouds, exotic birds and trees, glorious sunrises and sunsets, seaside restaurants, etc. Did I mention the beaches? But there is one thing that has been disheartening (more than snakes or hurricanes). It was something I didn’t experience growing up as a Northerner: trucks driving around with Confederate flags and distasteful bumper stickers, houses with Confederate flags in the windows as curtains. This has flipped on my ‘judgy’ switch. Something within my spirit is freaked out by it. It's like I live in another country. When they pass me by I think, “What the hell is wrong with THOSE people. Don’t they know it’s 2016? That flag is offensive. I could never be friends with anyone who believed that flag was just about Southern Pride but has forgotten the horrific, pain, and treasonous heritage that flag represents. Any white man or woman flying a Confederate flag must be ignorant, uneducated with a low emotional intelligence. We have nothing in common.” 

In my mind, I feel like that flag is an F-you to the men who died in the Civil War, to other people’s feelings, and to the history of human enslavement our country participated in. It’s a flag symbolizing rebellion, subjection, and bloodshed. The fact they still want to boldly fly or hang it tells me they don’t care what others think or feel. THOSE kind of people are not people I want to live near or be around. It’s a hostile negative energy that I don’t want anything to do with in 2016. We’ve come a long way in our troubled history. However, we still have a long way to go to heal long standing racial divides. Anyone with a Confederate flag hinders racial reconciliation. Rich and I are for equality and healing our racial divide. 

So there you have it, my Northern Bias. It’s not pretty. I’m not proud of it. And I have a lot of work to do on changing my intolerance to THOSE Confederate Flag flying people.

Human beings are innately tribal and think in terms of ‘in groups’ and ‘out groups.’ We’re born a certain race, a certain gender, a certain nationality, a certain religion, and a certain generation. Over time we choose to belong to other identity groups as well. So from a young age we start to think in terms of ‘Us –vs- Them.’ Some people never outgrow it, and never recognize their inherent bias. These conditioned biases have caused many divides and heartaches, wars, and economic profiteering, etc.  

There are many types of bias that we all suffer from, and most of them are unconscious. We have age bias, race bias, height & weight bias, sports team bias, hair & clothing bias, etc. However, the strongest bias we have is what is called ‘affinity bias’: which means we tend to like people who are like us, and dislike people who are unlike us. So ultimately, bias is just a form of egotism or self-centeredness. The saddest thing about all bias, is that it alters the way we see things. We do not see things objectively anymore. Instead we put a spin on things and distort reality.

 I came across a poem recently that summarizes this viewpoint beautifully:

“It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.” ~Terry Pratchett

To remedy this we must acquire self-awareness (recognize our bias) and the realization that we are part of ONE HUMAN RACE. We are all children of God, which makes us brothers and sisters, and members of the SAME TRIBE.

So I commit myself anew of trying to break out of the Us –vs- Them thinking, and judging ‘THOSE’ people. It’s one of the reasons my faith in Christ is so meaningful. Jesus not only taught us to question the Us vs Them thinking, he actually showed us how to over come it. He did this by associating freely and sharing meals with sinners and saints, rich and poor, educated and uneducated, Gentiles and Jews, men and women, the sick and healthy, etc. He shocked the religious leaders of his day because of his indiscriminate friendships with people who were considered to be in the ‘out group.’

 It’s something we will probably never get over.

All I know is I want to be more like Jesus in how I relate to others, and to catch myself when I think ‘THOSE People’. In the grand scheme of things, ‘THOSE people’ are God’s people, hence they are my people.

Ch-Ch-Changes

David Bowie died this month. He was 69-years old. We all felt older. I'm telling you, he was just 29-years old the other day. He was frozen in time in our minds. The following week, actor, Alan Rickman, and Glen Frey of the Eagles died of cancer too. I noticed on social media it personally disturbed many of us. For a split second the thought crosses our mind, are we next? Death is the great curtain call. And of course, cancer sucks and took them all too soon. At this age, do we all feel a bit closer to our own mortality when people we (sorta know) leave this mortal coil? 

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

(Turn and face the strange)

Ch-ch-changes

Just gonna have to be a different man (woman)

Time may change me

But I can't trace time

Death is strange and we have to face it. Music and movies allow us to go inside our minds and grapple with all sorts of unspoken, pensive emotions: loneliness, terror, love, rage, regret, time, uncertainty, possibility, beginning and endings. Death catches us off balance: Time marches forward whether we like it or not. And the mind wants to pull us backwards to fond attachments, avoiding whatever is inevitable.  

When David Bowie died, I think many of my friends, myself included, were forced to officially review the reluctant part of our brains that protects us from wrapping our intellect around our own passing. 

I think, if all goes well, I have at least 30 more years. But what if I only have 20 of 10 or 3 more years? Then I think about my parents who are in their 70's now. That totally freaks me out. The upside is it reminds me to text or Skype with them more. 

In life, someone is always going ahead of us, paving the way. People have modeled to me how to love, be a family, be a good citizen of earth. I've seen people show me how to face illness with strength and grace. I've known people who have died. But nobody talks about how they REALLY feel about this upcoming event. What's going on in their minds? I'm so curious. 

I want to ask my parents if they have an inner sandglass going on in their minds too? They are 20 years ahead of me. What does it feel like to be older?  I don't ask because I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. Are they scared? I know my mom is afraid to have a knee operation. But she's more afraid of the recovery pain. When I'm old, if you're younger than me and inquisitive, feel free to ask me about how I'm feeling about death. Let's talk about it. It's trippy stuff. 

Rich and I talk about death more and more (he talks about it way more than me). Whose going to go first? How many more years will we have left? How will it happen: accident, disaster, disease? Can we make a pact and go together? Will there be enough drugs around to make it painless? Will it happen quickly? Will we have time to say goodbye? I want to make a music video like David Bowie before I go. Will we be surrounded or alone? That's a lot of uncertainty for one's spirit to grasp while trying to go to sleep at night. Life, if anything, is full of impermanence and things we can't control. 

I'm still grieving Fred's sudden death. There is a breathless ache in my chest if I bring his sweet face to mind. I wonder if I will be like Alan Rickman (see meme) when it comes to holding on to that 'always' kind of love for Fred? If I think about Fred to long, I start to cry. I hold the memory only long enough before the tears fall. It's amazing how much humans want to avoid the depth of grief we're meant to process. The worst part: the house has a dullness to it. There is nothing more remarkable then the lighthearted, loving energy a dog brings to the home. I throw one extra ice cube (that previously would have been given to Fred) in the sink and say, "For Fred."

I'm in a bit of a funk. I need to listen to more music and watch more movies. Feeling is necessary, even when I kinda want to avoid it.  

  

FRED

I miss Fred. 

I’ve had a lot of dogs in my life. Wonderful dogs: Inca, Chief, Moses, Bear, (although it’s debatable that Bear was wonderful to others). But Fred, Fred was special. And I’m not going to apologize for my unending bias. I'm not going to feel bad for needing to get some of these memories posted before they fade away. I want to always remember Fred. 

Fred was only 9-years old when we had to say goodbye; 9 years wasn’t long enough. I feel greedy for wanting more time with him. 

Fred always had a sensitive tummy. From the time he was a puppy he had to be on vet formulated duck and potato food.  But he also had a sensitive soul. He taught me about ‘being responsible for the energy you bring to the room.’ If the emotional tone shifted and became negative, Fred let you know something was not right in his world.

He was sick for a while (projectile diarrhea and vomiting). PLE dangerously lowered his protein plasma. The vet suspected he also had lymphoma. When he stopped eating and the meds were not keeping him well, I knew his days were numbered. He didn’t want to play with his toys or go for walks anymore. I told myself he was saving his energy for healing and not to push him. 

I’m a dreamer and overly optimistic. However, I have a side of me that is realistic when it comes to facing difficult things like death. I don’t like it. But I have no choice, so I ‘deal’. Fred stopped eating again and was sick in the middle of the night (that was unusual for him). I didn’t know how to comfort him other than to softly reassure him it was going to be okay; pray; and lay my warm hand on his belly (like a human water-bottle).

I told myself that if he stopped eating, lost more weight, and his protein plasma numbers went down, he was trying to tell us something. I wasn’t going to be selfish and force more meds on him. I wasn’t going to keep him around a few more months so I could come to grips with losing Fred. PLE (Protein-losing enteropathies) is a disease that often shortens the life of Soft Coated Wheaten Terriers. Once they get the diagnosis, they only have a few months. It was time. Dogs have end of life rights too; Fred gets to decide. I honored him by being present with him until the end. I held him so close until I felt his heartbeat stop. His fur was soaked from my tears. I kept saying over and over again as his puppy spirit slipped away, “I love you, Fred. Thank you. I love you, Fred. Thank you.”

I keep looking around waiting for him to come over and engage with me: ask me for an ice cube because house rule is you give him one when you open the freezer; hop up onto my lap and lay his big head on my chest then slide down and rest his head on the chair arm while curled up on me; or come bolting down the stairs because he heard me open a slice of cheese or heard me peel a banana (he had bionic ears). 

Presently there is a burning ache in my chest; I know that grief will fade. I close my eyes and try to sense his presence now that he’s gone. I’m not sure if it’s a real felt-sense and he’s here in spirit; or if my mind has conditioned sensation memories that I can easily recall (like knowing what wind feels like on your face or lemon tastes like in your mouth)? I want to believe the whole Rainbow Bridge for our pets that have passed on. So I’m going with believing Fred's here in spirit. Rich and I were on a walk a few days after he passed. We looked up into the sky, and I kid you not, there was a cloud formation of Fred sitting with his front leg extended like he was putting his paw on your chest. Everyday, we never really understood why our dog sat on our lap and put his paws on us, as if he had a message to tell us. Message received: All Dogs Go To Heaven! 

  
I drove all the way to Iowa to get Fred from a Soft Coated Wheaten Terrier breeder. When I first saw Fred, he was sitting in an doggy-play pen. He was all by himself. He looked up at me as if to say, "What took you so long, I've been waiting for you." I had just fallen in love with a live-stuffed animal. I asked if I could pick him up. He MELTED onto my chest and shoulders like a sleeping baby. He was our 'Near-Puppy' his whole life. If he wasn't in our arms he was on our laps.  

 Fred would greet you like you just came home from war; he especially did this to Rich more than me since he traveled. But most anyone who came to our house got the official 'Wheaten Greetin'; it's what Wheaten's do. They want to connect by smelling your breath. It was often embarrassing that our dog appeared out of control. He was just unbridled joy. Fred's official Wheaten Greeting

Sometimes he looked like Gromit, sometimes a shorn sheep or a schnauzer (The Schnauzer Hair Cut), sometimes he looked like the Truffula Trees in the Dr. Seuss Lorax. Hair cuts came with a bandana around his neck and 2 days of ignoring me. Being a Soft Coated Wheaten Terrier, their fur is like hair. It gets matted easily. So if I went one or two weeks too long, he needed to be shaved. Most of the time we were going for the shaggy sheep dog look. 
                                  
                                   The many looks of Fred

  

Wheatens are high energy. They need to be walked daily to run off their excess energy.  Most of the time, Fred was like an old man. He'd plop down anywhere until something distracted him (usually a squirrel).

Fred had abandonment issues. I'm not sure where he got it? I think he just bonded with his human-pack and was lost without us. Occasionally, when he wasn't with us, he'd get depressed: diarrhea or vomiting his food. As soon as the 'pack was back' together, all was well in Fred's Universe. 

Part of Fred's perfect world was when his Alpha-Daddy returned home from travels. He'd spend the next few hours up on Rich's lap gazing into his eyes. I have hundreds of these kind of pictures. It was one of my favorite things Fred did. 

We couldn't take Fred with us all the time so we had to distract him like a 2-year old. When we'd go for a bike ride, or if we ran to the store, we'd say, "Go say goodbye, Fred." He'd run to the back window and watch us go. We'd wave and say, "We'll be right back!" If we were gone longer than 30 minutes or an hour, we'd put him in his crate (his safe cave), and gave him a Kong with a teaspoon of frozen peanut butter. This allowed us to get out the door without doggy depression. 

When Fred was a puppy, Rich would call Fred to jump up in his arms and carry him upstairs to bed.  As they were walking up the stairs Rich would tell him, "Say Goodnight, Fred." Fred would look over Rich's shoulder at me. This never got old for Rich.

Fred could tell time. We could set our watch to 4:00pm by Fred showing up at the pantry door to be fed. He had an inner Atomic Clock. He'd sit there until he got our attention. Then he'd look at you, then look at the pantry door, look at you, look at the pantry door, look at you, look at the pantry door. This dog knew how to use his body language to say what he wanted. 

Many dog owners have a doggie voice for their dog. While Fred was doing some of his favorite things, we imagined he was saying this in a happy voice "This is my favorite thing in the whole world! This is my favorite thing in the whole world. This is my favorite thing in the whole world!" Someday, if we get to be reunited, I'm going to ask him which thing was his favorite thing in the whole world. 

Walkie Dog--pole that clips to a bike so he could run/walk along side of the bike. I never had to pedal the first 100-yards. He would run like a horse coming out of the gate. 

Watching TV--we only watch TV at night. Fred too. He'd jump up on the bed or sofa (depending on which room we were in) and he'd watch TV like a person. He'd watched whole TV shows and movies. If a dog barked, he'd jump up and start barking at the TV. And every Thanksgiving, we'd record and watch the National Dog Show together. 

Hammock Time--Fred taught me to chill and do nothing and not feel guilty. He could lay on our hammock for hours and hours sleeping or watching the world go by.  

I'm sure one of the things that was not his favorite, but he indulged me, was dressing him up. He was always a good sport. I really should have created a Fred Calendar. 

Fred was a people dog. He loved people. Dog's, not so much. It wasn't for a lack of trying to socialize him. We had friends who had dogs. Fred just had very little interest in other dog's dogginess. He wanted to be with the people. We'd go to dog parks and he'd hang out with the doggy parents. There were very few dogs he'd play with for longer than 5 minutes. Our neighbors, the Jones family, had two furry-girls: Chessy and Emma. Occasionally, he'd run around in their back yard. But soon he'd get bored and go up on the porch by the people. My parent's dog, Wrigley, was the only dog he could play tug-o-war for hours when they were young dogs. Otherwise, he wanted to be with his people-tribe. These are some of his people: 

I want to say thank you to God too. In this lifetime, we are fortunate enough to have a few animals that can be domesticated. The privilege comes with a time stamp. We are only allowed a decade or two with our furry-babies. It’s a high price to pay to experience unconditional love this side of heaven.  And I want to say ‘Thank you’ to Fred by sharing just a few of our happy memories. And while I miss him so much, I am happy for him now that he's free to run and play with no limitations (illness or fences). 

Video Goodbye Fred