The Gospel According To the NRA

With the recent horrific shootings at the grade school in Newtown, a lot of attention has been focused on the NRA and gun control. There is wide agreement that a tipping point has happened with the extreme kinds of weapons that are used in today’s mass killings. People are calling for a fair conversation on gun regulations. 

Knowing that many Christians support gun ownership, I thought it might be fun to consider how the gospels could be re-worded with a pro-gun twist. Please know that I do this in a good-natured way. I respect those who have a different opinion (even if I disagree).

It’s my personal belief that it’s quite a stretch to understand Jesus teaching as being supportive of guns or aggression in anyway. In fact, it’s pretty clear that He teaches non-retaliation under all circumstances, and demonstrated that in his own life. However, I do agree that the Second Amendment guarantees the Right to Bear Arms for the purpose of protecting ones home, property, or hunting—but my point is you won’t find that right in the teachings of Jesus. If he did the Gospels might look quite different--I call what follows ‘The Gospel According To the NRA’.

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Jesus was walking along the shore and saw two brothers fishing. Jesus called out to them, “Come, be my disciples, and I will show you how to form your own association to stand up for your constitutional rights (you can even distribute membership cards and put bumper stickers on your donkey that say how much you hate anyone who disagrees with you. You can form lobbies and petition your Roman Senators.” So the brothers traded in their fishing nets for handguns and followed him.

One day Jesus went up on a mountainside, and sat down. His disciples came to him and he began to teach. “Blessed are those that don’t back down for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are the assertive for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those that use guns (of course only to keep the peace), for they will be called the children of God. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you, because of me; and you decide to fight back and not take it anymore. You have heard it was said, ‘an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth’. But I tell you, resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, slap them back. If they come at you with a gun, make sure you have a bigger gun. You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, arm yourself against your enemy and payback those that persecute you. Your heavenly Father may be perfect, but hey, you’re only human. And don’t forget the Golden Rule, ‘Do unto others before they do unto you!’

One day Jesus sent messengers to a Samaritan village to get things ready for him; but the people there did not welcome him. When his disciples James and John saw this they asked, “Lord, do you want us to call fire down from heaven to destroy them?” Jesus turn to them and said, “Good idea, let’s send in the Drones.”

Jesus said to the crowds, “Of course you should worry about your life, food and shelter. If you don’t take care of yourself, who will defend you? Consider how the wolves travel in packs and fight for their food. It’s survival of the fittest, plane and simple. So seek first your constitutional rights and none of these things will be taken away from you.”

The disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who then is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” Jesus called a little child who he placed among them and said, “Don’t be like this child who is ignorant and unsuspecting and trusting. The greatest is the strongest with the biggest weapons, army, and defense budget. Who ever looks out for number one will be first. Because we all know, that nice guys finish last.”

Then Jesus prayed this prayer, “Oh Father, Lord of heaven and earth, thank you for hiding the truth from the tree huggers, the pacifists, the do-gooders, the bleeding hearts, the environmentalist, the politically correct, and the peacemakers, and revealed them to the powerful and well armed hardliners. Yes, Father, it pleased you to give me the corner on the truth on how the world should be run. My Father has given me authority over everything. That gives you my followers ‘The God Card’. If you call yourself Christians you have the same authority to be right whenever you open your mouth. And if that doesn’t work, remember that might, makes right!

Jesus continued, “Come to me all of you who are afraid and burdened by mass murders and I will give you a new way to frame your thinking. I will give you the power of the 2^nd Amendment. Forget my yoke. Take up your own arms and come to a shooting range and I will teach you how to defend yourself. Because humility and gentleness don’t work in the real world; and this is how you will find rest for your fearful souls.”

The night of Jesus arrest an armed mob approached. His disciples said, “Lord, should we strike with our swords?” And Jesus said, “What, you didn’t bring guns? We’re Israelis for crying out loud!” Then Jesus turned to Matthew and commanded, “Quick, behind that bush, there is a bag of semi-automatic weapons fully loaded. Do you think I came unprepared? I’m the Son of God--I knew this was coming! Peter and Andrew, you take that rock. James and John, you pass out extra magazines of ammo. Then Peter shot off the right ear of one of the servants of the high priest. And Jesus said, “Nice shot, Peter! Target practice paid off!” Jesus and the disciples proceeded to wipe out the opposing forces in the name of self-defense. Granted, Jesus never went to the cross that night to save souls. But he proved that guns were the best way to deal with bad guys and save lives. Otherwise, all the good guys would end up dead. The End.

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Can you see how absurd this would be?

Remember I’m not advocating doing away with the 2^nd Amendment. I’m just saying, you won’t find those rights of defending ones self with a gun (or any kind of weapon) in the gospels. It may be the American way, but it’s not Jesus way. I’m just trying to point out in jest that Jesus way and the NRA way are completely opposite. Thank God Jesus showed us that the power of love is greater than the power of force. It should give us pause. 

I’m always surprised (after each mass murder) how often Christians defend taking up (more) arms and their right to amassing large military weapons because it’s their constitutional right. They hunker down and think there is a fear the government is going to take away your guns to protect yourselves. The government is not going to take away your 2nd Amendment. Calm down! Is there a lot of hypocrisy in the government and elsewhere about guns? Yes, but that doesn't make killing people with guns okay. It's just an indication of the madness we've reached as a culture. 

Yes, I know the hundreds and hundreds of arguments for self-defense, protection, etc. 

 I want it duly noted that I'd like to see the downsize the over production of military weapons for gun enthusiasts; kind of like how we reduced nuclear arms the 1980's and may have prevented world war III. I believe the only place for those kinds of weapons is in the hands of trained police officers, our soldiers, or CIA or FBI. There are many like myself who would like to see an open conversation with the NRA take place. I'm sure many parents who lost their children in schools, theaters, and malls would like to see the NRA give an inch or two in this day and age (especially with mental health issues on the rise). It would be nice if the NRA would take some responsibility instead of always defending it's dogma. Can the NRA be 'entirely' right and the rest of the world wrong? Have we gotten bigger than our britches? We may look back in history and wonder if there was more we could have done.

If we call ourselves Christians lets not fool ourselves into thinking that Jesus condones gun rights. His teachings were antithetical to such a mentality. Instead, we should be moving towards Jesus ideals as much as possible if we want to see positive change in this country.

I think of the example of Martin Luther Kind Jr who proved that this can work. Imagine if the Black Panthers had their way in fighting for their civil rights with guns, instead of Martin Luther King with his message of non-violence. The night Martin Luther King Jr was assassinated, Robert Kennedy was speaking to a black audience and tried to calm the crowd by reminding them that he also had a member of his family killed by a white man. And he said, "What we need in the United States is not division; what we need in the Untied States is not hatred; what we need in the Untied States is not violence and lawlessness, but is love, wisdom, and compassion toward one another."

Back in the 60's, all blacks had a legitimate right to stand up for justice, but the ends don't justify the means. And today 2012-2013, we have a right to demand a more safe and civilized world. The truth is we just lack the courage and the moral strength of a Martin Luther King or Ghandi to bring about change. It's just easier to pick up a gun and stand our ground.

Say CHEESE!! (Vegan cheese)

I know that I’ve done a lot of crazy things in my lifetime: The time I homeschooled Kevin. There was my puffy paint gym-shoe period in the 80’s. The time I talked Rich into moving to CA for a year. The time I went to one of those wild Club Meds where people paint their bodies and strangers rub suntan oil on your naked butt. That was the 80’s too. But if I was a betting person, I bet that most of you will say that this next thing that I’m doing is the craziest. I’m going Vegan. Or I should say, Rich and I are going Vegan-ish.

I’ve had to give up a lot of things in my life that were hard: The closing of Border’s Book Store and the Baker’s Square. These losses sent me into a mild depression every time I drove through town. I realize that having an attachment to anything will give you mild depression if it’s taken away. Unless you feel compelled or convicted, having to give up your attachment to one’s desires, biases, thoughts and feelings can make change impossible.

This isn’t my first rodeo in trying to go Vegan. I've got 4 or 5 books I've bought but never finished. I’ve tried before and failed by the end of the day. I've had moments where I've wrestled back and forth between Vegan and Vegetarian and Caveman style living or just forgetting about the whole damn thing. See picture: true story! I had all sorts of excuses. The biggest was my attachment to all things dairy. I love cheese above any other food item on the planet. Did you ever see that Christmas Dairy Federation commercial promoting cheese? On Christmas morning, the little girl is running to the living room with anticipation to see what Santa left her. The room was filled with every imaginable desired gift including a car. The dad said, “Wow, those must have been some cookies. She said, “I didn’t leave him cookies. I left him cheese.” Well played, Madison Avenue. If I had a last meal, it was gonna be cheese and crackers with pate’.

There are many reasons people go Vegan. One of them is my body doesn’t do well with cheese. I’ve struggle with inflammation in my joints (especially my hips). I know I’m addicted to cheese. There are good reasons why it may be hard for me to give up cheese. 80% of the protein in cow’s milk contains ‘casein proteins’. These casein molecules are digested then release tiny opiate molecules called casomorphins. The addicting power of cheese may be due to the fact that when they process and remove the water, lactose, and whey proteins, the casein is concentrated—a compound that has about one-tenth of the opiate strength of morphine. Anyone who has seen me around a block of cheese knows that druggie dairy look of pure happiness in my eyes. 'Gimme another hit, I mean wedge of cheese.' Little did we know that I was trippin?

In all seriousness, the real reason we are going Vegan is a few years ago I saw the movie Food Inc. with my sister-in-law, Patti. I was gasping out loud in the theater when I learned that they gas tomatoes to ripen them. I had no idea how deceived I had been by advertising and how tainted my food and water sources were.

After seeing the movie I made some small changes. I supported all local farmers whenever I could for the sake of sustainability to the environment--and to sock it The Man (Monsanto) for screwing over the average farmer. It was a start, but not enough. My sister-in-law went a step farther and would not buy or eat any meat that wasn’t butchered humanely. I envied her and wished I had that kind of dedication. If we'd have her over for a cookout, I had to make sure it was the right kind of chicken that was slaughtered with care. If not, she didn’t mind, she brought her own meat to the party.

Recently Rich and I saw the movie The Earthlings. I watched it with Fred on my lap the whole time. He kept looking up when the cows or pigs cried out. His ears were moving forward and back as if he was trying to understand it along with us. I was bawling when it was over. It was the tipping point movie. It educated my brain on how we just are so thoughtless when it comes to animals in our culture. Sure we like our dogs and cats; they are the chosen ones, a superior species entitled to special rights. Hmmm, where have I seen or read about that kind of thinking in history? We choose and select species just like race and give them hierarchal standing. What’s that about? If Food Inc. didn’t put me over the edge about how insane it is to eat ‘mass produced’ meat or fish in this day and age, The Earthlings movie did.

Now let me pause here to make a statement that may or may not matter. I don’t have anything against hunters or gatherers. Let’s take the American Indians as an example. They hunted for their food. They shared it with their entire tribe. Most impressive was how grateful (indebted) they felt for the animal lives that were offered up so they could eat and survive. There was a sense of honor and respect with each hunting season. This is a far cry from the blatant corralled cruelty and torture of millions of chemically altered animals that spend their entire life in misery. How have we gotten so far from such an attitude of reverence and thanksgiving?

My grandmother told me stories where her mother raised free-range chickens in her backyard (in the suburbs of Chicago). They used the eggs as they came out. They didn’t set up shop to force their chickens to birth eggs daily for the whole neighborhood. When it was time, they killed it and stretched it into many many meals. But we no longer live in those times do we? We want our meals with meat or meat by-products 3x a day, and we want it now—with a large order of fries, please.

Let be honest, look down at your belly or your thighs. We’ve paid for our overconsumption with our health. I’m not at the natural God-given weight God created me to be. Why? Because I was sold a bill of goods by savvy advertising people who knew how to manipulate my Limbic system. Look at how sad we all were the day Hostess died; I lit a candle.

Now, I understand that what we eat or don’t eat is all very personal and emotional. I’m not here to judge you. I'm mad at myself for my own lack of self-control. Really, I judge rich Lobbyists in Washington and the Mad Men on Madison Ave who have duped us for the last 60 years.  The people who have made it hard for poor people to get healthy because they drove up the price of healthy food and subsidize cheap grain to lower the cost of unhealthy food.

One thing I’d like to be clear about as we lean into this Vegan way of connecting to the world around us: I’m not on a crusade to change others. These are my own convictions and others need to decide for themselves. It’s a bit like politics I suppose—I’m willing to dialogue and express my opinions, but want to respect everyone’s freedom of choice. So I promise I won’t become one of ‘those people’. I’m not going to tell you eating meat is murder or throw red paint on your leather jacket. I have no desire to become legalistic about being Vegan. I was once a legalistic Christian and that was an affront to the Kingdom of God and people who knew me. We know that we can make others feel uncomfortable or feel guilty just by passing on the meat, or cheesy vegetable dish. I actually found myself saying to Kevin almost instinctively, “Moooooo!” as he was giving me grief for being Vegan. So being defensive is something I’ll have to keep in check too.

Rich and I have talked about how we can hopefully do Vegan well, while at the same time recognizing we are still flawed human beings. Meaning, we are not going to be perfect Vegans. We know we have a brain that is wired with defaults patterns of eating when under stress. That may be difficult to overcome at times, but we will do our very best. Luckily, sugar is Vegan. And I’m not going to be the Vegan Police. I hope you won’t do that to me either. You may be tempted to say ‘Ah ha, isn’t there a hint of honey in that granola bar you’re eating. Did you know that?’ Probably not because I didn’t put on my glasses to read it!! If we occasionally consume something that is less than Vegan we will not be plagued with guilt, but simply rest content that we are trying to be conscientious and do our part. Being Vegan-ish is a bit like driving a Prius. It still uses gas, but far less then a regular car. It’s our meager attempt to be kinder to God’s creation. 

We talked to Dave our local nutrition expert at the health food store in town. He said, "You may even find that being Vegan doesn't suit what your body needs after awhile. Honor that. Eat what your body needs not what you want." Great advice. 

 So I’m certain there are going to be times when I pick up something to eat because I’m starving and there is nothing Vegan to eat except limp lettuce. In those Vegan-ish moments we’ve decided that we will be Vegetarian. That way we won’t end up saying, ‘being Vegan is too hard’ and give up; we won’t throw the Vegan Baby out of the veggie bathwater. If we are invited over to someone’s home, we’ll eat what is put in front of us (especially if they don’t know us well).  We’ll eat it with gratitude and thank God for the hands that prepared it (and maybe the animal who gave it’s life). I want to be able to socialize still. It’s about relationship to all the Earthlings. Those that know us well will eventually see we’re serious and prepare something with veggies or grain in it. Try not to spaz or over-think it friends. When in doubt, Pinterest has great ideas. If nothing else, Oreos are Vegan. Who knew??

Ghandi said, ‘You must be the change you want to see in the world’. I’d like to see the end of mass factory torturing of animals. On so many levels, it's hurting us too. I’d like to see our water supply and oceans healed. I’d like to see Washington work to serve the greater good instead of the almighty dollar. I’d like to see compassion rise up in our hearts for all the living Earthlings on this planet great and small. I want to change some things about me personally too (like giving up addictions) and that is why I’m going Vegan-ish.

Lastly, I would just like to add that for those who believe in God, I think this a moral issue as well with room for interpretation and lots of room for grace. I do believe God permits us to occasionally eat animals for our sustenance, but this doesn’t excuse cruelty to animals under any circumstances. Yay God!!! He was probably Vegan-ish too.

Exodus 23:12a
“Six days you shall do your work, and on the seventh day you shall rest, that your ox and your donkey may rest.” (NKJV)

Proverbs 12:10
“Whoever is righteous has regard for the life of his beast, but the mercy of the wicked is cruel.” (ESV)

Deuteronomy 25:4
“You shall not muzzle an ox when it is treading out the grain.” (ESV)

 *A special thanks to Madison (Kevin's girlfriend) whose been living with us for the last 2 months. She is a vegetarian and has inspired us with her dedication of years of not eating meat. She has shown tremendous strength in a house of carnivores. And she never once judged. Thanks for showing us how to do it well. 

Very Pinteresting

Pinterest has changed my life. Transformed it for the better like Jesus, yoga, meditation, and vacations . Pinterest is a visual learners salvation! It is the woman’s version of porn or fantasy football. I wish I had Pinterest when I was younger. Nobody taught me how to ‘enjoy’ housekeeping or planning meals. I would have been less of a slob, possibly a better cook, and by now would have tried all 101 ways to use coconut oil or vinegar. For the first time in my life I’m slowly learning how to be organized. I actually get a euphoric high off of order and space now. 

I have very little imagination when it comes to clothes. However, I bet if I had more money I’d have more imagination. If I go shopping, I look at what perfect size-0  mannequins are wearing then pray the seamstress made one of those outfits in my sizes. Pinterest has done the work for me. I scan the pinned pictures of clothes ideas. I note, “I’d look great in that hat, that sweater, and that purse. And thanks to Pinterest, I can tie a scarf 20 different ways now. As for the boots, not sure if they would fit over my calves, but I can dream!”

Even though I love to have company over, I break out in people pleasing-hives if I think too long about what to make that will satisfy my guests. I haven’t had to take a Benadryl since I started pinning everyone’s foodie ideas onto my Pinterest boards. If you know me well, you know that I am all about the food. I like crappy junk food, foods that will put you into a sugar coma, and I like healthy food too. Pinterest has everything for my split food personalities. Can’t you see me bringing these little deviled eggs for Easter? 

We have a little 1920’s bungalow house with lots of personality (but little closet space). Rich has his spaces and I have mine. However, I usually tell him where to go in those spaces. If Rich goes out of town, upon arrival back home he rarely notices  something has been rearranged, thrown out, or sold because it hasn’t been used in a year. His closet is under the stairs. One day, he’s going to come home it will look like this: My new office. Don’t feel so sorry for the guy. He has his own office in the house that he shares with his prized 10 piece drum set (that I refuse to dust). 

 

I was born in the wrong decade. Even though I was a typical child of the 70’s and hippies were still fashionable until Nixon left office. My personality of peace, love, and rock and roll were better suited for the 60’s. I would have marched on Washington, smoked lots of pot, ran away from home and joined a commune. I’m not kidding; those just were not my options in the 70’s. Pinterest speaks to the peace-loving activist in me.

There are Pinterest moments when I see an activist pin and I’m wishing someone would tell me when the buses are leaving for D.C. Some things never change when it comes to corruption, hunger, war, or discrimination. You think we’d learn by now. However, I’ve changed and will continue to speak up and out!  There will come a day when Rich or Kevin will need bail money for me. 

When it comes to ingenuity, Pinterest has everything: all the latest ideas. I just marvel at the brilliance of others. Some of the ideas are so simple. Most of the time I wish I would have thought of that. 

I love my husband, but once in a while I wish I could get married again. If I were younger, I’d get divorced and remarried (to him of course) just so I could force myself to lose weight to fit into a gorgeous Pinterest wedding dress. I’d spend hours pinning and planning wedding ideas for the special day. What is wrong with me?? Pinterest does this to your brain late at night when you can’t sleep and the man of your dreams is snoring. 

Pinterest reminds you never to forget. 

                                    Do I really have to explain why I want one of these?

                    I’m easily amused. Some days we all just need more fabulous in our lives! 

Just because I want to dress like I have style, or have strangers open my organized cabinets and think I’m an exceptional human being doesn’t mean I’m unhappy or obsessed. I’m very content.  

I accept and appreciate when Pinterest can 'reasonably' enrich my life and the lives of others. It's all very Pinteresting! I've learned that a well placed draped hammock can make the world a better place. 

If you’ve been on Pinterest long enough, there are different scenarios when women just nod and smile in the presence of other women. Women used to keep the Pinterest secret ideas to themselves (much like 50 Shades of Gray before everyone started blabbing). No words are necessary. Now the gig is up. Word is out! Our mothers had Good Housekeeping and Women’s Day. We have Pinterest. Thank you Jesus!!!