Dear Thomas

Dear Thomas,

You’ll get a bunch of graduation cards with money. You’ll spend it in no time at all (probably on a pizza or hot plate for your dorm). Instead, I thought I’d give you something else of considerable more value: words of wisdom and affirmation as you enter into your first year of college, and your first year on your own in life. 

I went into adulthood clueless. I wish I’d been more prepared for the nuances of life by a wise elder friend or relative; it’s probably why I appreciate sagacity to this day. (Yeah, look up that word, it may be on a test.)

Someone once told me ‘5 minutes Can Change The Rest Of  Your Life’ (for good or for bad):

You’re going to be FREE, finally. It’s going to feel amazing and probably overwhelming. You may be tempted to go crazy because your brain is trying to take it all in. Caution gets thrown to the wind. PAUSE. PAUSE. PAUSE. Do that a lot. That 5-minutes you took to observe your actions, and the actions of others, instead of reacting will make all the difference. It may save your life; it may save the life of another. That 5-minutes you choose to go to class or blow off your class will determine if you’re proud of yourself or kicking yourself later and putting extra stress on yourself. That 5-minutes you choose to ask for help may just give you the one answer you need for everything to make sense. That 5-minutes you took to put yourself out there to make a connection with a new friend, a new teacher or adviser, may just make life at school better (even easier or fun), or land you the next job. You may even meet the love of your life? 

Question your thoughts:

Don’t believe every thought that comes in your head. They are just thoughts. Those fearful thoughts, insecure thoughts, sad thoughts, angry thoughts, lustful thoughts, stressful thoughts, are just good feedback. Don’t get attached to them. Observe them. What are they telling you? Don’t act on them. Be curious. It’s your intuition. Maybe they are trying to tell you to get more sleep, or stop goofing off, or maybe take life in and have more fun? Your thoughts will tell you if you’re living in the past, present, or future.

We have this incredible internal ‘observation tower’ in our mind and spirit. It’s called consciousness. Scan it. From experience, I can tell you that if you believe those past or future thoughts, they will just circle around up in the sky of your mind endlessly. Those kinds of thoughts are problematic. Test it. It’s true. People who are suffering and miserable are living in the past or in the future. Past thoughts cause anger and hurt. Future thoughts cause anxiety and fear. Both cause us to stay stuck. So take a deep breath, get into the present moment; land the ‘thought’ plane safely. And then, move on. Many people falsely believe that their conditioned thoughts are who they are. Not true. What you do with those thoughts is who you are. Have fun with that. 

You will be the same person you are now in 5 years except for two things: the books you read and the people you hang around with:

I’ve found this to be so true in my life. I’ve only grown proportionally as a person by reading interesting books (quality magazines, online sources, trainings and workshops materials) and choosing good friends; friends who make me ‘level up’. I’ve had some friends in the past who were not good for me. They kept me complaining about my life, my husband, my kid, school, etc. There was a negative energy we were exchanging and believing. But those positive friends that were doing well, loved others, had a good outlook, had good character, they impressed the hell out of me. And even though I wasn’t always their age, or not at their maturity level, I hung out and learned how to grow up by surrounding myself with them. My marriage got better. School got better. My enthusiasm for career and life purpose got better. And thankfully, I’m not the same person I was 5 years ago.

Family (though flawed) will always care about you:  

Call them. Text them. Go home. They are your biggest cheerleaders. And they know you like a book. You can bullshit others and even yourself, but you can’t with your family. Ask for advice. Take it. And give back to them too. They have been there for you. As we mature, ALL our relationships will be about reciprocity. Your emotional tank will always be full if you both give and receive. If we always ‘take’ we’ll be spiritually as dry as a desert.

You are so friendly, thoughtful, kind, funny, and loving. Because you’re not a kid anymore, you have a lot of value and influence in this family. However, find that sweet balance of taking care of you, being you, and offering yourself. You are your own individual. It’s important to always have good boundaries.  But don’t be an island either; God also created us for community. 

Job, career, calling, or vocation: Do what you love:

What will make you love to get up out of bed each morning? Do that!

You are more than your identity as___________(fill in the blank):

This was one of the hardest things to comprehend. I was a mother and my identity was in actively mothering. I loved that role. However, when Kevin moved away, who was I? I was still a mom but my role had changed. But I had falsely put my entire identity in being that label. This is just one example of a dozen. I’m not a label: mom, wife, aunt, or daughter, yoga teacher, etc. I’ll only always be Kim the spirit (not Kim who is young or old, pretty or ugly, skinny or fat, smart or stupid, interesting or boring, etc.). I’m just me, with no label. It’s liberating. It’s NOT for anyone else to define me. Only I get to decide who I am and how I want to express myself as a human on this planet. 

Because you will graduate, have many jobs, titles, live many places, maybe even have many girlfriends (hopefully you’ll choose well and only have one wife), have kids, maybe some animals, etc., the ego mind will want to identify and keep you frozen in time. But life is transient. Allow it to unfold and hold on loosely. You’ve yet to even discover who you are. I’m almost 53 and I’m still amazed what changes and then shows up in me.

Don’t let life just happen to you:

You’re on a front end of an already great adventure that God has invited you into. Life will show up and mirror back to you what you’re thinking about. If life sucks, your thoughts have been sucky for a while. What are you attracting into your life? If life is great, it means you’ve done the work to fight against cynicism and distrust. Good for you. All our collective (many) thoughts will co-create the life we’ve been thinking about—that’s Quantum Physics at work. There are many many many possibilities to each experience. You’re in charge and more in control then you think. Don’t be passive. Set an intention. Where your thoughts go, the energy will flow. And at any given moment, you can change it. Again, don’t take my word for it. Test it. Notice how life shows up in other people. What are their thoughts like? Mostly, play with this magical experience called life. There is more to it after four years of college.

We can only meet God and heal in the present moment:

Whatever happens, there will be times when it will feel unbearable. You’ll have dark nights of the soul. You’ll be confused. You’ll probably be in your head believing your stressful thoughts. You’ll have set backs. It may feel like your world is ending or should end. You’ll think, “What the heck, I thought I was doing good?” It happens to all of us. You’ll take it personally (you may even feel tempted to blame God….He gets blamed for everything that doesn’t work or make sense.) Hang in there. Don’t be too hard on yourself (or God). 

I can tell you what has healed me: Get still and silent. Breathe. That is all you can do. The breath will bring you out of your head (and stressful thoughts) and into the present moment. And it’s in those quiet moments when your spirit will meet God’s Spirit. It will feel like peace. Get into the present moment where, actually, all is well deep in your soul. You can feel it even when your world feels tipped over. And it is from that place within that you’ll find courage again to move forward one moment at a time, one day at a time. Any longer, faster, and you’ll miss the blessing God is offering (which is this incredible ‘voiceless knowing’ that you are loved by Him). Return to that Love. Often. 

Trust me:

You’ve got a remarkable life ahead of you. I’m excited that I get to be up in you balcony watching and cheering you on.

It won’t be easy. But it will be worth it to lean in and engage fully at each juncture.

If I died tomorrow (and I will….but hopefully not like next day tomorrow…LOL), I’d want you to know that I adore you. I’ve been a big T-Man fan. I’ve delighted to see your Mega-Watt smile each time you were in my presence; it often made my day. I’ve enjoyed your sense of humor; I love laughing with you and at you. I’ve watched you be kind, thoughtful, loving, playful, and understanding towards others at many ages. It’s who you are, Thomas. I’m just one person in your orbit. A lot of people are going to come and go. Some will have more gravitational pull and hang out like the moon above. There are a lot of others out there who will need you to show up in their life and bless them (like you blessed me). Go find them. 

I wish you TONS of happiness my sweet, nephew. God is for you! Always! Mostly, I hope you'll be present in your mind, body, and spirit as often as possible. For that is where I've found my greatest contentment, awe, and joy: this Present Moment. Actually, there is no other moment other than the present moment NOW. Trippy, but true. Enjoying and dealing with one moment at a time will only add up to a fascinating lifetime. You may have many trips around the sun, but only once chance to do it well. Take it all in and have a blast! 

Remember you are never (truly) alone. God is here for you. I'm here for you, and so are others in your family. 

I love you, T. We all love you! ! 

~ Aunt Kim