Irma

It's been a crazy few weeks: 

Los Angeles and the Pacific West coast are on fire.

Houston was ravaged by hurricane Harvey a few weeks ago. 

Irma was a nasty and unpredictable Cat 5, then Cat 4, then Cat 2 storm. 

She took up the entire state of Florida. Irma couldn't decide where she was going to land. 

When we left, it was predicted that she would head up the East Coast (hitting South Florida and Vero Beach). 

Listening to all the meteorologists was like listening to Nate Silver talking about the election; probabilities makes for interesting reality TV. 

However, they were off enough to make a difference for many unprepared on the West Coast. 

A historical 6 million people evacuated Florida the week of September 5th (there are only two or three ways out of Florida). 

I-75 and I-95 were at a standstill for hours. A baby was born in traffic. Vehicles were stalled on the side of the road because they ran out of gas. The best in others came out; so did the worst. Irma arrived on Florida's coast September 10th. 

I felt guilty knowing many of my friends were staying behind.  

Weather makes us all humble. I'm reflecting on a few things:

1) I don't live in the moment as much as I think I do. I have WAY more fear and future thinking going on. I had anxiety before we left Florida. I was like a coked-out Camp Director trying to prepare our house, our dog, and our journey out of the state (maybe for the last time?). Rich was calm but down played the possible 'what if's'. This pissed me off; I felt like I had to do all the mental work of worrying and planning. The least he could do was worry with me, right? It was an ugly 24 hours. I only had 3 hours of sleep before we left. Once we were on the road, I was fine. 

2) If you live in a place that rains, you also live in a place that will flood. Hurricanes will happen if you’re near the ocean. A few people tease us, or ask why we live in Florida? One answer: It's Paradise 51 weeks out of the year. We may have to go through this exodus again (maybe every year because of climate change). Some will stay. Once, I sat on a plane ride with the Chief of Fire and Rescue of Miami. We talked about hurricanes. She told me if a Cat 3 or above is heading towards Florida, "Leave. Get out early. Don't look back." If it's a Cat 1 or 2 we'll probably ride it out with friends. We've decided we'll go (as long as it's possible and within our means). We are blessed. Family and friends have offered sanctuary out of state. Plus, it gives us a great opportunity to go home to IL or visit people we miss.

3) I'm a wuss. I don't say that to judge myself harshly. It's an honest fact. I got out of Dodge early because of traffic and supplies running out. I never want to live in a shelter with others. I'd rather live in a hotel or my car-too many people overwhelm me. I had the luxury of leaving because, thankfully, Rich had training in Ohio and Delaware. That humbles me too.

4) I appreciate distractions: My dog. Facebook. Instagram. The news. Music on a long trip to Ohio. It's amazing how long I'm able to distract myself when the stress meter is off the charts. I noticed my entire mid-back was locked up. I had to do yoga to unwind and relax every day-even in the hotels. I also apologize for the ridiculous amount of videos and photos I posted of Buddha. His ability to sleep for 9 hours a day in a car was calming. Plus he's cute.

5) Back to that living in the moment thing. I get why the Buddha and Jesus talk about 'take no thought for tomorrow', or 'suffering comes from our thoughts.' I've noticed that I'd really like to do a better job of present moment living; in fact, I crave it. I'll have to slow things down (my brain) be more disciplined or mindful to take captive these stressful thoughts. I often wonder what it would FEEL like to be truly in the moment for a WHOLE day--like children or puppies. 

6) I'm surprised how much I can live without. I was ruthless in what I left behind and what I took with me: 

1 medium suitcase of clothes

1 thick yoga mat (not even my favorite mat)

1 bin of keepsake gifts (most from Kevin or my grandmother)

2 framed pictures: A colorful cross that Kevin made in Kindergarten and a Chagall that was my grandmother's. 

2 bins filled with photos (I didn't have time to scan them). Actually, I never realized I should until this last hurricane. These are like my Crown Jewels of England. 

This is a lot of stuff to take compared to others in hurricanes. If I lost everything and never went back to my house, I'd be okay with that. I'm grateful I get to go back. So many are rebuilding; they are brave souls. What made it easy to let go (even mentally)? I think it's because of seeing so many (in Houston or the Caribbean) lose it all. Why not me too? As long as we live in Florida, it will happen again. Next time I hope to leave with just 1 suitcase and 1 bin of keepsakes. The dog and husband can come along too. 

The Universe Had My Back

I don’t want to get all Woo Woo, but I think the Universe had my back last week. 

We had been planning a trip to Chicago for three months. It had been two years since I moved to Florida and went back home for a visit. (Rich has gone back several times for business.) I was thrilled and couldn’t wait to see everyone. Yet, I observed trying to plan out an agenda that I had more anxiety over my return than excitement.

I have always had a trace of social anxiety. I never fully noticed it, or understood it, until I moved away. Unless a party or event was held at my house, I wanted to bail out of going. Many times I did (especially when it came to large family gatherings). It's crazy because I love a good party. But I like being the hostess more because it kept me distracted from those reticent fears. I’ve learned that my need to feel accepted by everyone often set me up for social anxiety: Who will talk to me? Will someone not talk to me because they feel disappointed in me again? Will I have to do all the talking? Why is everyone talking all at once? I can't concentrate. Belonging is a big issue. Will anyone take my picture because they want to include me? Will they post the worst picture of me looking fat or rolling my eyes? With the advent of tagging pictures in Facebook, my social anxiety amplified. Even with people I love spending time with, I have fears—in some ways, the greatest fears. It’s easier for me to be around strangers. Do you feel that way too? 

You’d never know it; I seem quite extroverted.  Secretly, I’d wish that I came down with the bubonic plague just so I’d have a legit excuse to not go to a party or holiday. Somewhere deep down, there was this irrational part of me that has always felt profoundly rejected or misunderstood (even by people I think like me or know me). I bought into those limited-beliefs. Prayer and Meditation has helped me to notice my insecurities without being too hard on myself. I recognize when those social fears bubble up. I take a few stabilizing breaths. I question my stressful thoughts. I notice when I'm projecting onto others. It’s freeing to honor my fears and have a better relationship with my feelings. I do a much better job of getting out of my head nowadays.

Yet, as the trip to Chicago got closer, I was feeling mild panic. How am I going to see all the people I missed? I have to balance family time and friend time. Watching the news, I sorta thought that Donald Trump was going to get us in a nuclear war with North Korea. On the upside, I’d be off the hook and wouldn’t have to disappoint anyone or feel these anxious feelings anymore.

A few weeks before my trip, this brilliant thought came to me: Only schedule time with those that have kept in touch with you 3x via phone or email (Facebook didn’t count). That narrowed down whom I’d have to see.  I instantly felt lighter. I thanked God for the inspiration and finally started putting together an agenda.

The day we flew to Chicago, I surrendered all outcomes of this trip. I did what I needed to do to give myself boundaries to help with my social anxiety.

I put out an initial Facebook apology that I couldn’t see everyone the day we left (because, I haven’t fully recovered from my people-pleasing addiction).  

I entered into this week in Chicago like it was the last trip I’d ever take. I got on the plane and put my headphones on, jammed to the music, and started to color in my coloring book (I mean meditate). Nothing in my sprit was fearful. It was the most peaceful flight I ever took. 

We truly enjoyed seeing old friends and family. Even got to see a rare eclipse with my brother. I also was grateful for simple things I missed: Midwestern trees, wild flowers, red cardinals, and cooler weather. It felt great to walk barefoot in the soft grass without fire ants biting me. Vegan Lou Malnati’s Pizza, yes, we made it happen. And when did Route 90 get completed?

Watching Eclipse with at Mike's house

I was fully present with everyone. I let go of all expectations of others. Our trip was full of grace and synchronicity. I felt the most at ease with others and within myself than I ever have. Things just came together (and even had a few happy surprises and conversations).

Rich and I kept saying to each other, “This has been the most unique trip.” It was as if God was using the intricate woven, matrix Universe to create all these positive experiences for us to relish. It felt personal. It was all happening ‘for us’ and not just to us. Boundaries, surrender, and present moment living made all this difference. 

I'll Think About It Tomorrow

This has never happened in the 7 years I've been writing a monthly blog. 

I was editing a finished blog when all of a sudden, a invisible, psychotic Pac Man started to erase word after word, left to right, line after line, paragraph after paragraph. I thought the delete button was jammed. It wasn't. I hit every other button on my keyboard, from Save to Alt Delete. My computer may have a malware of some kind or other. I ran to the kitchen, like there was a fire, to tell Rich that my blog was erasing all by itself. He was cutting up an onion for dinner. Rich stood there blinking at me with tears in his eyes. He was not going to be able to put out any digital MAC flames for me; time is of the essence. I went back in my office and felt like crying looking at a blank computer screen. It was gone!  

Since it's the weekend, I realized I was not going to get to the computer store before my end of the month deadline to post my blog. I thought about trying to re-write it. That only made me feel like I had dementia because I couldn't remember what I wrote 10 minutes ago. Clearly, I was in shock. 

When I feel overwhelmed, I do a few things: meditate, take a nap, eat a cookie, or do some yoga. Since it was too late in the day to nap, I did some yoga and breath work. 

There's not much you can do in the moment when your computer is crashing. Feeling like I had lost my first draft of Gone With The Wind, I walked to my yoga mat and practically collapsed into Child's Pose. Head down to the mat, body folded in half, and arms along side of my body. It wasn't a full-on yoga session, but it was yoga. INSTANTLY, I felt my entire being exhale. I was in the moment and not resisting 'What Is'. 

I was slightly impressed that I didn't turn into a total drama queen by ruining the evening because something didn't go my way. Progress! I lost a blog; it's not the end of the world. 

The Scarlet O'Hara in me knew I'd have to think about my blog (and my computer) tomorrow. Dinner was ready. Rich made my favorite vegan chili recipe. It was DELISH. 

Life happens. The End. 

Gotcha Day

~ GOTCHA DAY ~

1 YEAR AGO TODAY, WE GOT OUR BUDDHA

Buddha is a Tibetan Terrier. However, he's not a terrier. They were given the English terrier name by European travelers because they resemble known terrier breeds. 

When I tell people that he's stubborn and pretty much does things in his own way, they say, "Oh that's the terrier in him." Actually, his Tibetan name is  Tsang Apso for the breed. Tsang (sang) from the province. Apso (app so) roughly translates shaggy or bearded dog. Bred in the Lamaist monasteries nearly 2,000 years ago to be temple dog, family companions, herding, and alert dogs from the 'Lost Valley' that became isolated as the result of an earthquake around 1300. Tsang Apso were holy dogs and given as good luck tokens that would carry peace and prosperity to their monasteries. They were never sold but only given as gifts. Blessed by the monks as well as the nomadic shepherd, these dogs have developed a remarkable tuning with humans. Often called 'little people' due to their loving nature and human expressions. They are exceptionally brave. Some may say they have a rebel spirit because of their high intelligence. 

Buddha has a strong DNA link to his original Tsang Apso nature. He's all of those qualities and more. 


Buddha has not been an easy dog like Fred (it's probably not even fair to compare the two of them), but we were amazed from the start how vastly different they were in nature and personality. 


Buddha was always moving, searching, climbing, tugging, barking and biting. His bark is worse than his bite. It's loud, ear piercing pitchy, and demanding. He didn't have an off switch. He wasn't naturally puppy affectionate. Some Tibetans don't like to be touched until they form their bond on their own terms (I learned that later). I lived for 9:30pm when I could pick up our little exhausted puppy and cuddle him for 30 minutes until he had to go outside before bedtime. Our bodies were scratched and scarred. He had food resource guarding issues like that of a starved wolf pup. 

And like all new dog owners who puppy proof their house, we had to clear off and put away everything up to 3-feet high.  I cried a lot those first few months. I was completely beside myself how to relate to, and keep up with, Buddha. Cuteness was the only thing he had going for him those first 6 months. 

But then he was neutered. Overnight he became affectionate and cuddly. He finally came to us instead of the other way around. He'd sit next to us and eventually climb up onto our laps instead of the end tables. We started to believe he actually liked us as his humans. 

                                                                    

I am his person. He thinks he's Kevin Costner and I'm Whitney Houston. I'm not gonna lie, I kinda dig the fact that he searches me out and runs to me first when I walk in the door. I'm his 'charge'. His job is to guard and stay near me. Including when I go to the bathroom. I'll often have to tell him, 'It's okay,  I'm good, or I'm right here, You can relax." 





Sometimes Buddha will forget he's on duty and will go hang with Rich. We're grateful that he's equally affectionate. 

Buddha at my feet while I wash dishes. 

As a true Tsang Apso Tibetan, he is a loyal companion. If we are in the kitchen, he sits at our feet while we cook or clean. We have to be careful to step over or around him. He's not going anywhere. We've gotten good about looking down before taking hot things off the stove. It's become endearing. 

There is NO faking or tricking Buddha. If you don't have a treat, he's not going to drop the ball or rope. He'd make a great poker player. If you have a treat, he will pull a rabbit out of his hat and recite the alphabet (in his doggy voice). Otherwise, forget it. No treat, no dropping it. It's a lot like dealing with a teenager. 

I had a song for Fred when we went walking everyday. So I made up a song for Buddha when we go to the doggy park: "We're going to go to the doggy park. We're going to go to the doggy park. We're going to go to the doggy park. We're going to go to the doggy park. We're gonna run and jump and wrestle and play, with all your furry pals today. The doggy park is where it's at, because Buddha boy love that. We're gonna go to the doggy park. We're gonna go to the doggy park." 

We sing the song so he knows he's going to the doggy park. Nothing gets his little butt shimmying out the door faster. He even lets us put his car seat harness on with no fuss. 

 We spend a lot of time at the doggy park here in town. It's a great place for Buddha to run off his high octane energy. He starts off so fluffy and ends up looking like the dog from the black lagoon. He always finds the ONLY muddy hole. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Which means we do a lot of baths.

For the last year, we've had a few hiccups with Buddha with his strong alert guard dog nature. He isn't happy with people coming to the house. Out in public he was lurching at cars, bikes, and people that walked by. It was a danger to himself and us. We called in a local dog trainer, Rick Bailey from LoveDogs, who works with reactive dogs. He is able to see that Buddha isn't being aggressive; he's just making all the decisions. We haven't solved all the problems yet. Buddha still reacts and incessantly barks when people come over. But there are small improvements. We are enjoying going to the farmers markets. Buddha is curious and calm. Rick helped Buddha to be more social out in public. This is a huge progress. 

Buddha is pretty predictable at 14months old. He is predominately verbal. However, often he will sit like a statue and stare at you to read his mind. There are three choices: Feed me. Take me out to poop. Play with me. We run through the list to try to figure out what he's asking. We get up to do his bidding. He will run or herd you in one of three directions: Food bowl, Back door, or Toy basket. 

Our life has been forever changed by this 20-lbs of 'in the moment' Tibetan singularity (depending on what he wants or needs). We each serve the other in ways that are time consuming and sacrificing. He does his job. We do ours. We're still figuring it all out. Rich and I both confess that we wish our life with Buddha was easier. But we wouldn't trade our furry little monk-dog teacher for the world. 

Florida...It Never Gets Old

Still can't believe we moved to Florida. 

A Year and a half in Florida. Mornings facing east.

I'm Buddha, this is my neighborhood.

Everyday, this view changes. 

This never gets old. 

 

The river rose in the 2004 hurricane. Hope it doesn't happen again. 

Walks around the hood. 

A Hooky-hoo.  ;-) 

Exotic flowers everywhere. 

My new favorite picture. Morning at the ocean

PSA: The More You Know

Omg, I've got to stop watching environmental and health Netflix Documentaries. They are turning me into a freak; I sound like an alarmist, tree-hugging hippy-freak. Actually, I keep my mouth shut more often then I should; I know people don’t want to hear it; A look comes over their face and message is received loud and clear, “Don’t tell me how bad my bacon or diet soda is, thank you very much!” 

I watched my first food health and environment documentary, “Food Inc.”, in 2008 (pre-Netflixs) with my sister-in-law, Patti. We went to the theater and had moments where we gasped out loud because of the information that was presented about humane and inhumane farming. Patti committed herself to only eating humanely treated animals. Then I watched “An Inconvenient Truth” about the environment. It was an alarm documentary that was disregarded as only a fire drill. 

I’ve since watched these informative documentaries multiple times:

·       Earthlings

·       Cowspiracy

·       What the Health

·       Forks Over Knives

·       Before The Flood 

·       Food Matters

·       Hungry For Change

 ·     The Plastic Ocean

All these documentaries have a few things in common: they bring to light what’s been done in darkness to our oceans, in slaughterhouses, and on Capitol Hill--that involve profits for big corporations in exchange for big donations.

These truth-telling documentaries are about saving our health, our water, our food supply, and our environment that are all in perilous and imminent danger. The planet will survive, some species will survive, but it’s unlikely that humans in the next century will, if we don’t heed the warnings in these documentaries.

I’ve always been curious and intuitively aligned with the right way to eat or live in unity with biology and nature. However, I suck at pulling it off. I was addicted to cheese, like others are addicted to smoking or heroin. I’ve always admired those who are early adopters to recycling or whole food plant-based eating. It took my 10-year old neighbor to guilt me into recycling while in my forties (although, he had no idea he was doing that). It’s interesting how we can go blindly through life and miss daily opportunities to collaborate with our environment and each other on a higher conscious level. Humans are the only species that doesn’t live consistently in harmony with nature.

I’m a work in progress. But I'm teachable. I’m learning slowly how to do better in my own personal eco-world. I need these documentaries to help intellectually undo decades of conditioning and emotional attachments to food. I see the greater good; I suppose we all do. “The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.” I’d like to have meaningful conversations with like-minded people who are also searching for harmony in their body, in their world, and in their life. It’s hard to be challenged to do better: stop using plastic (to save our oceans); stop eating meat (for too many reasons to list); to care about all species and not just ourselves; to be good stewards of the earth. It’s even harder when our own government throws away decades of EPA legislation and reneges on funding (because military money spent on the MOABs are more important).

I watch most of these documentaries with Rich. We have never watched them from start to finish. We pause them a dozen times in shock. Most people don’t know what’s happening (just like us before we watched). I want to shout from the rooftops that we are being ‘duped’ by the people who are meant to protect us--the medical and pharmaceutical associations, and our own government. We are not just being duped; we’re being betrayed! The government has been colluding with dozens and dozens of lobbyist who persuade the lawmakers to look the other way and write loose laws to protect their profits. The American Heart Association, the American Diabetes Association, The American Cancer Society, etc., all are sponsored in the tens of millions of dollars from big corporations (e.g., Big Agra, Big Pharma, the Beef, Poultry and Dairy Associations, etc.) that are killing people. Obviously, this is a conflict of interest.

Watch some of these documentaries and you’ll be profoundly affected. (It may take a while to overcome years of conditioning and emotional attachments to beliefs or food and lifestyle choices, but you’re changed. Forever.) 

The neglect or concern for our planet is somewhat of a reflection of the neglect or concern for our health. When we choose to be apathetic about the treatment of animals, the environment, or our health (in spite of momentary good intentions), things start to degrade and problems will arise. This has played out in my own life. Knowledge is power. I get inspired by informed doctors and scientists, and people who have changed and make changes. The good news is when we start eating healthy, within weeks or months we can get off medications: diabetes, high blood pressure, cholesterol meds. What if we all got inspired to clean up our diets (at our own pace of course), and then commit to cleaning up the planet? I always say that the ‘body wants to heal.’ I believe our planet wants that too. You know who knows this? Children. Nature is always trying to get our attention.

Just like the body, nature will put up with much abuse. But her main desire is to rejuvenate and sustain us. We can’t be naïve to think that we aren’t apart of the equation to restore balance and health to our suffering planet and our bodies. We can reverse heart disease, lower our blood pressure, our insulin levels and the risk of cancer by the choices we make, we can also choose to restore the planet. Both healings begin one person at a time, and one choice at a time…and then somehow finding the resolve to keep making those choices.