I Picked A Bad Week To Quit Drinking

"I picked a bad week to quit drinking."

This month, it's been 8 years since I've started writing a monthly blog. I have two rough draft blogs that I've been taking notes: one on the Ending Child Separation at the border, and one on the LGBTQ community and my first Pride Parade. However, the world has gotten a little too intense. Almost 3000 children are separated from their mommies and daddies since April 2018. I can't even comprehend that! SCOTUS upheld the Muslim Ban. Justice Kennedy is retiring next month. I still can't believe that Anthony Bourdain committed suicide. Each day, there is a fire hose of news that is life altering for many. I watch it. I wonder. I'm troubled by many things this month. I feel stalled out. My words seem flat. Every time I sat down to write, Buddha came over and sat ON me. I always stop and put down my laptop; he helps get me into the 'real' moment. My words can wait. The more I thought about it, maybe Buddha was trying to tell me something. Don't write. Do my words even matter in the grand scheme of things? There will be other days and other months to pour out my heart--to share why I'm upset, happy, or hopeful. But I couldn't let this anniversary month pass without sharing something. Here are random pictures from the last 6 months. They won't mean much to anyone. Each one has a story. They mean a lot to me.  

I was quiet but I was not blind. ~ Jane Austin 

What??? He's always watching me.

Sunset are incredible where we live.

Biking along the ocean.

Dog Days of Summer w/Buddha

My Familia 

He looks good in a Cadillac (rental) 😉

Two of my favorite humans-Andy Judge & Rich

Sunset Tucson AZ 

100+ year old Saguaro Cactus

Brother Rich, his usual stance when talking to me! 😂

Andy Judge showing us where he leaves water for  Migrants w/ Humane Borders 

Ellen & Thomas (SIL & Nephew) AZ 2018

Granddaughter Aliya-May2018 AZ

Grandson Tyler-May2018 AZ

Grandson AJ-May2018 AZ

Buddha happy to be outside. 

Detained Immigrant Bands

Stop what you're doing mom and just BE with me. 

End Child Separation Rally June 2018

End Child Separation Rally

Vegan hot spot: Cider Press Cafe, St. Pete.

Um, I can't get any writing done with you on my lap.

Abstract poppy flowers

Sure, I'll pose just this once. 

Says it all

Yep! 

Chilling with my favorite Buddha

Riding the Pinellas Trail with Tamara on Pedegos

A tired, muddy dog is a happy dog. 

Before the Eagles Concert

No Swimming No Surfing

Beach hair, don't care

Happy 2nd Birthday to me! 

Purple Tree-Kelly's Boom Chica Boom 

The Space Between Us All-Sterling Gallery Beatles Show

Bro, Ellen, and Rich in Orlando

Siblings doing sibling things

Prayers before the Peace March 

Love this tree at the Highland Festival April 2018

Spent hours at the Newseum Washington D.C. 

Sign Sign everywhere a sign...March 2018.

March for Our Lives Washington D.C. 2018

Washington D.C. 

Bird of a feather flock together. 

Gravity-Dunedin Fine Arts Center #SMF Show

Morning Meditation-Sunrise through my window

And just like that, he naps...FINALLY. 

Sunset on Honeymoon Island

My Florida Buddy, Loraine. Getting cheeky together. 

Washington D.C. March For Our Lives  2018

Buddha thinks Chino's life is cooler than his life. 

Buddha trying to get Rich's attention for dinner. 

Pelican on the dock giving me the side eye

Buddha waiting for something??? 

Yep, it's finally come to this!

Dunedin Oranges

Women's March 2018 St. Pete FL 

Me & My Honey Marching in Jan 2018 Women's March

Safety Harbor Groovy Elephant 

Drag Queen Eyes for Pride 

Randy & MaryEllen Pride Parade St. Pete

Buddha feeling the Pride

#LoveWins

"I'm too sexy for my shirt."

My boys! They ground me and make me feel love! 

Buddha Is My Teacher

There are times when Buddha is my teacher. Not the 6^thcentury ‘enlightened one’ Siddhartha Gautama Buddha who sat under a Bodhi tree; but my furry-teacher, Buddha, the 2 year old Tibetan terrier. 

Dogs are good, mindful meditators. They live in the moment. They naturally slow down and get quiet. They sit around for hours doing nothing and it’s perfectly okay. Nobody is telling them to get a job or go make themselves useful. And they don't feel guilt for doing nothing. We’ve given dogs permission to just be dogs. They feel pressure when we put false expectations on them to perform or interact in social situations that are too much. Yet, they are sentient beings that have limitations. 

My Buddha has been figuring out his place in the world. He’s a homedoggy. He likes simple things in life: a good bone, a long walk (as long as it’s not too hot), a mud puddle, and a nap just because it’s Wednesday. I envy Buddha. 

Although, at times, we’ve had our struggles to figure out what he’s all about. Buddha feels insecure around strangers and strange dogs. I’ve watched him lunge, bark, and growl at others. He needs time to figure out if they can come into his space. It’s made socializing in our home difficult; we don’t have many people over. We don’t want to stress Buddha, and we don’t want to make our guests afraid of a barking, growly dog. He’s the sweetest dog to us. And he’s become easier and less demanding to be around over time. Like people, like me, Buddha is a work in progress too. His issues are not going to quickly go away with commands, e-collars, treats or tricks. He will find his way with time and patience. I only wish I didn’t have to apologize so much.

I get Buddha. It’s nice when people ‘get’ you. You can be relaxed and yourself. There is no expectation to have your act together. There is nothing but love offered in his presence (even if he wants to lick his bits and go sit on the other side of the room). 

Buddha gets me too. He knows that I require a certain amount of quiet and no drama in my life to feel calm. Yet, intuitively, he seems to know when I need to be less distracted with TV or my laptop. Like a parent without words, he comes over to my laptop, puts his paw on the lid, and draws it back. “What are you doing? Is it important? How long are you going to do this? Can we do something else?” I’ve started to notice that when Buddha has to get my attention from being on my laptop, it’s time to stop and pay attention to him. It’s time to get off the computer. Maybe he wants to go for walk? Maybe he wants to eat? Most of the time he wants a few minutes of attention. I’m making it a practice to stop and  close the laptop and invite him onto my lap for some cuddles and scratches. Everything else can wait. It doesn’t take much to make him happy. 

Often when we cuddle and I’ll meditate. Dogs like meditation. I think they sense the shift in energy. I’ve had clients where both cats and dogs will enter the room once we started final relaxation during our yoga sessions. They bring a lovely energy to any moment.  

Buddha likes to meditate. He takes full ownership of my lap and settles in. He’ll look up at me and expose his neck. Without words, he'll beg for the never-ending scratch (sometimes I’ll hold his head in one hand while scratching his neck with the other). Then we’ll just settle in and breathe together. After the scratches are done, meditation begins. I’ll use all my senses to feel and smell his fur, and listen to him breathe. Petting and breathing go together. Our Doggy Meditation can last 5 minutes or 50. I’ll eventually close my eyes and just BE with Buddha. There is nothing to accomplish and nowhere to go. 

It’s a gift to have a furry-teacher slow you down. Inhale. Exhale. I notice my thoughts: “This is so nice. I love this dog. I wonder how long he’ll sit like this? What is the world record for meditating with a dog? I’m hungry? Can he hear my belly rumble? I have to pee soon.”

Eckhart Tolle calls our pets our ‘Guardians of Beings.’ “Animals are not thinking. They are present. They are more connected with Being then we are. People get lost in their trapped stressful minds. The only time they get out of that is when they are relating to their animals. Animals also banish loneliness and provide non-judgmental companionship.” 

Tibetans Terriers were bred to be companions to monks for thousands of years. Meditation is nothing new to them. They are used to silence and stillness. Buddha is becoming quite the meditation companion to me. He leads and guides me in meditation and prayer. Unless he’s been sitting on my bladder too long, his presence is welcome and necessary. He even doesn’t mind if I throw in a few OM’s or Mantras for sound meditation. We enjoy getting our Zen on together. I don’t have to do formal meditation to meditate. There is always a furry teacher at my feet to guide me daily. Inhale. Exhale. Love is everywhere now…still sitting in my lap.

Learn Something New Every Day

The saying goes, “Learn something new every day.” I try to learn something new every day. I’ve often wondered if there was a symbol above my head or imprinted on my soul it would be a question mark.

Long gone are the card catalog files of my library days (although, I do miss the stillness in a library or the stack of books I used to haul out).  Now that we have the internet. I can look up anything at all hours of the day or night. However, this has not been a good thing for my beauty sleep. Curiosity often takes me down rabbit holes and can sometimes change the path I’ve been on (emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically). Anything I want to learn is at my fingertips. 

Last year, for health reasons, I changed my diet to eating entirely whole food plant-based. Okay, at first, I did vegan cheat often and eat lots of processed yummy vegan food; that's why I'm not a skinny vegan (yet). It was a drastic shift from the life I knew before. No more cheese and pate. Now I was figuring out how to make nacho cheese with nutritional yeast and roasted red peppers and potatoes.  It was kind fun to check out all the new vegan restaurants in our area. We’d even drive for 3-hours just to have lunch across the state to try a new vegan place. It helped inspire and keep me on track. I had NO idea how to cook vegan or whole food plant based. 

In our travels in those early months, we had a few out of state trips. Our favorite (and the mental game changer) was going to Vedge in Philadelphia. This was like going to Wheeling Illinois, Le Francais. I used to love French food. It was our thing. So finding Vedge was like finding epicurean vegan Mecca. I was so excited to taste their rutabaga fondue cheese; I almost started to cry. I still have the menu from that night. I even bought the two books the owner published.

Since that night, I decided that I wanted to learn how to become a gourmet vegan chef. This may sound funny coming from me (Kevin would tell you I was the worst cook in the world).  I make reservations. But I wanted a challenge. I think that’s why it’s important to learn something new every day. And sometimes, learn something that will change your life and the lives of others around you. 

I signed up for a 3-month plant-based culinary school course. It’s based on the documentary and health books, Forks Over Knives. It’s about learning how to cook healthy plant-based meals with no oil. Since I am healing my liver, this was just the course for me. 

This course is teaching me: how to use a super sharp chef’s knife to chop my food safely and efficiently; how to set up Mise en Place to be prepared before starting to cook; how to make a too-die-for Cashew Béchamel white sauce; and how to batch cook. I have to take pictures (before, during, after) with each recipe. There are tests that I have to take, and activities that I have to participate in. I love it. Although, it’s taking a lot more time than I had expected. 

My kitchen is now organized. I’m slowly using a knife like a pro. Once I get this certificate, I may take the professional course. I don't want to cook at a restaurant. Although, I'd love to be a plant-based educator for people who need to change their diet due to a health crisis. And if I could one day influence a wealthy investor in my town to open a healthy plant-based restaurant, I'd gladly support them. 

Pearl Couscous w/garlic mushrooms 

Most people think vegan food is boring; it’s not. I am cooking incredible meals that would impress anyone (maybe even Kevin?). But I’m not doing it for Kev or anyone else. I’m doing it for me-to answer that deep desire that sprang up within me when I was at Vedge in PA--“If I’m going to be a vegan, I’m going to learn how to make gourmet whole food plant based meals.” 

Baby Dill Potatoes w/Capers Aioli 

I cook and clean, slice and dice, braise and boil. Rich asked me if it bothered me that I’m in the kitchen all the time now. I told him no. Cooking has become like meditation. Zen monks have a saying, “Chop wood, Carry water.” For me, “Chop shallots, Roast Cauliflower.” 

Rice, green onions, tomatoes, zucchini, cilantro & spices

If you come over, I’ll happily make you a plant based meal that will make your tummy happy and your arteries thank me. 

March For Our Lives

 On Saturday March 24th, 2018, a student-organized ‘March For Our Lives’ event happened in Washington D.C. and around the United States in sister cities in the wake of the horrific school shooting that happened at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School on February 14, 2018. 

After experiencing another school shooting in our country, students of Stoneman Douglas created the #NeverAgain campaign. Because of the mass media attention, these Stoneman Douglas students were in the spotlight. In spite of their shock and grief, they became articulate, relentless activists against the hypocrisy of our elected officials and the NRA gun lobby. They expressed their frustration about how the government isn’t protecting our children with gun regulation laws. Stoneman Douglas survivor activists led the country in Washington DC with 800,000 protesters coming out to show their support.

Former President Obama said of these students, "You've helped awaken the conscience of the nation. Young people have helped lead all our great movements. How inspiring to see it again in so many smart, fearless students standing up for their right to be safe; marching and organizing to remake the world as it should be. We've been waiting for you. And we've got your backs."

I flew to Washington DC with my FL friend, Llora Wonder, to support the younger generation and anyone who wants responsible gun reform.

We took to the streets to express our collective consciousness: #Enough. 

These school shootings, and all gun violence, have been normalized. They shouldn’t be. Our schools should not be ‘hardened’ by arming more teachers or staff. This is NOT who we are as a country. 

March For Our Lives energized future voters to register. They want to hold politicians accountable (nationally and statewide) to bring about reasonable gun reform, and to get NRA gun lobby money out of politics. 

 The NRA is a lobbyist organization that has decided what the national narrative about safety in our schools will be by using their financial influence with Republican politicians. The next generation calls BS. 

Those that joined the Washington DC march, and sister marches all around the country, are concerned that the NRA lobby gets to determine what's best for our children and our schools. The NRA says our American schools and teachers and staff should be hardened with more guns. When did the Tobacco industry lobby get to decide what's best for our lungs?  

It's insane that there are no CDC studies on the effects of trauma (emotional, psychological, and physical) from gun violence. No CDC studies have been allowed or funded on behalf of children and teacher wellness and wellbeing.
However, 800,000 students, kids, parents, teachers, (even gun owners) packed Pennsylvania Ave to communicate with their presence that the NRA does not get a vote; they are not American constituents. 

My favorite part of the march was how students from every major school shooting were represented on stage at the march  (Chicago, Newtown, LA, Maryland, etc.). It was a powerful intersectional representation of diversity and unity. Black and Hispanic students were invited to share their stories of gun violence too. The students of Parkland are aware that they get more attention in the media because of their social economic status, and because they are white. They call BS. They are all united by the horror of gun violence. 

Just before it started, a student who came from Hartford University, 20-year-old James, looked around and said, “This is the largest pacifist rally.”

They took to the stage to tell America and politicians they will #VoteThemOut unless they give them the gun reform they demand. They are bold, brave, and believe in the power of WE the People. If there is any hope for our country, any hope to reduce school shootings and gun violence, it’s by the unified voices of Gen Z and young Millennials. Kids in hoodies are going to change the world. 

All of the kids that spoke on stage were the true celebrities. The crowd went crazier when Emma Gonzalez walked confidently to the podium then when Ariana Grande began to sing. Emma, one of the original Parkland survivors to speak out, used her words to call BS just days after the shooting; it became a battle cry. At the March For Our Lives, she used her silence to convey the time it took for the Parkland shooter to massacre 17 people she cared about. For 5-minutes she stared straight ahead. When I realized what she was doing, my heart sank. She was remembering. Tears rolled down her face. Never before has “a moment of silence” turned into 6-minutes and 20-seconds. Her eyes were fixed looking out to 800,000 people. It was on live TV. Silence. We held space. Some started to chant, “Never again. Never again” as if to energetically help Emma through. Emma did not break her gaze until the timer went off. It was one of the most poignant moments of the entire March.

There were other moments that stood out too. Sam Fuentes was wounded during the shooting. Still in pain, Sam gave her impassioned speech. You could see it coming. Emotional. Shock. Adrenaline. She threw up behind the podium. The crowd once again held her up with love and chants as she rallied. She came back to the microphone and laughed, “I just threw up on international television, and it feels great!” Her speech was just as powerful as the last, “Join us or be on the side of history who prioritized their guns over the lives of others.” Before she left the stage, she asked the crowd to sing Happy Birthday to Nick Dworet, one of the 17 Parkland victims gunned down by an AR-15. He was shot in front of Sam.  

It was not a party. It was a protest.

The Parkland survivors had so much love for each other. They had so much love for all those that joined in their fight to heal our country from gun violence. It was incredible all that they pulled off since February 14^th. But they are social media experts. This was a real-time civics lesson. They used their constitutional right to Free Speech. 

The MFOL kids did their homework with statistics and excellent, persuasive video presentations. They are credible voices as survivors of gun violence. They have a clear sense of self-definition and purpose-highly intelligent and wise beyond their years. Nobody needs to convince them they deserve to be heard. And they are resistant to any rigid, controlling paradigms of authority. Get out of their way or they will Tweet you into oblivion. 

I support the younger generation and anyone who wants responsible gun reform. And even though they are as ‘mad as hell and not going to take it anymore’ they are reasonable and respectful. Young voices of unspeakable trauma demanding politicians like Senator Marco Rubio from Florida to do their jobs or get voted out. 

Something has shifted. Can you feel it? They are done hiding in closets or behind desks for the NRA or Washington D.C. 

I'm putting my energies into their causes; they are the future. This isn't a partisan issue to them. This younger generation doesn't remember James Brady. They may or may not know much about Gabby Gifford. They haven't watched as long as I have to see the painstakingly slow task of one person's single gun victimization try to change laws over many administrations. But they have grown up doing gun-shooting drills when I grew up doing tornado drills. 

 Marches are just engaged citizens coming together in community to express and demand what needs to change in our democracy. I march for responsible gun reform. I march for Columbine, Newtown, Parkland, for all the towns that experience unnecessary gun violence. I march for any town my grandchildren now live. I march for teachers to be teachers. 

As optimistic and motivational as the MFOL was for the potential for real gun reform, legislation takes time. In the meantime, there will be another school shooting. This will happen again. And the MFOL kids will battle-ready the world to speak out, march, and vote again until the politicians get it right.

Yolanda Renee King, the only granddaughter of Martin Luther King Jr, ended the MFOL with these words, “My grandfather had a dream that his four little children would not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. I have a dream that enough is enough. That this should be a gun-free world. Period.” Of course, it reminded us all of the famous “I Have A Dream Speech.” Yolanda then led the crowd in a chant: “Spread the word. Have you heard? All across the nation, we are going to be a great generation.”  Out of the mouth of babes.

The Marches are over. And now we Vote!

For 'such a time as this', honor them with action. Love on them now more then ever. Just like we thank volunteers, soldiers, teachers, or officers for their service, thank all of our next generation voters and remind them they are the future. Help these kids get to the polls. 

#HonorThemWithAction