(SPOILER ALERT: if you’ve NOT watched the Series Finale of Mad
Men, don’t read on.)
After eight years, Mad Men ended. I was relieved and sad when it
was over. Surprisingly, I was satisfied with the ending. I did not expect that.
Like all good series (Lost, 24, Son’s of Anarchy, Downton Abbey),
when I first started watching it, I spent two days straight binge-watching in
my pajamas, living on 4 hours of sleep, just to get caught up. I’m not the only
one who has binge watched a television series; it’s what we do now that we have
Netflix and DVR’s. It’s a wonderful thing unless you have to be up at 6am the
next morning to teach an early morning yoga class.
For 8-years (actually it was 6-years because I had to catch up
on two years) Mad Men drove me crazy. I disliked every character at this New
York Manhattan advertising agency. They were all pretty sleazy, selfish
characters. The men were chauvinists and immoral. The women were sexualized
(giving their power away and having it taken away just because they were
women).
I know, I know, it was the 60’s. Part of what I enjoyed was the
authentic ways they depicted that era. It was masterful how each glass of
scotch, wool coat or polyester cocktail dress, or that way of relating in the
60’s, was exactly as it should have been: the mothers were chain-smoking,
self-absorbed, unhappy women in unhappy marriages who felt slighted. As a
result, their disappointment spilled over to their children who were hungry for
attention and acceptance. Fathers were absent too. The J.O.B. was their primary
function or duty; along with getting their immediate gratification needs met. When they were home from work, fathers looked lost around their
family and disconnected with their wives’ needs and children’s emotional needs.
Many children of the 60’s could identify with angry Sally who was ‘on to her
parents’ hypocrisy. She was powerless until she found her voice. Then
look out. Sally’s bratty, exhorting outbursts seem warranted given
her two vain parents. She saw it all and didn't know how to reconcile her disconnect from her parents choices.
I kept watching Mad Men because I wanted to see if the main
character, womanizing Don Draper, had any redeeming value. I don’t care how
good-looking he seemed to everyone else, he was a pathetic character to me (very unattractive traits). Week
after week, year after year, I told myself that Don was a loser who deserved
any bad thing that came his way.
He may have been the most brilliant New York Ad Head but he had no
emotional IQ: Self-Awareness or Self-Management. He was driven by repressed
fear and ego (his daughter saw that in him). In fact, everyone saw that in him.
I think Don knew that about himself too, but didn’t know HOW to change those
weaknesses in his character. He was so busy drinking or sleeping around and controlling his outer circumstances, it left no time for inner contemplation. For 8-years, Don never stopped running from himself.
It wasn’t until the last few episodes did writer, Matthew Weiner, force
Don, lonely and without, to face himself: His company Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce had a hostile
takeover. Don would have to answer to someone else. The worst thing about the
60’s was conformity. Don would have to take orders from Jim Hobart and imitate MaCann. That was unthinkable. But what choice did he have?
I
think the worst part for the enigmatic Don was looking in
the mirror through his daughter’s eyes. She saw the two failed marriages and a LONG string of empty affairs and emotional abandonment. That was all he offered her and she would have none of it. When he realized what she was
projecting back to him, it was too late. He had lost her respect and affection.
In the second to last episode, Don walks out of McCann in the
middle of a meeting. Nobody is really concerned about him except Peggy Olson
(his protégé). Defeated, Don drives off (seemingly) into the sunset.
After a string of empty experiences en-route to California, Don's alone, beat up, avoiding his past (again). A call with Sally gives him terrible news; his
ex-wife, Betty, has lung cancer and 6-months left to live. He's devastated and wants to come home. Sally tells him 'don't'. Blunt Sally tells her father where her
brothers need to live after her mother dies (and it’s not with Don). She knows he's not the kind of father who can offer her brothers stability; he knows it too. Don gets drunk (again).
Eventually, he ends up
at a hippie version of an California ashram/self-help retreat. Thinking he’s
there to help someone else, he eventually comes to the end of himself. He can’t
run away (from this ashram, there is no car and it’s too far to walk). Don’s
hit rock bottom in previous seasons; he’s had his ego smacked upside the head
many times. However, he seemed impervious to any real, lasting transformation.
The last two
episodes of Mad Men took the viewers (and Don) for a ride in the passenger seat.
Discouraged and overcome with emotion, Don finds a pay phone at
the retreat center and makes a collect-call to Peggy to
say ‘goodbye’. She’s the only person he has left. It’s hard to know if by
‘goodbye’ he was going to kill himself, or say goodbye because he left New York
without talking to anyone. But he seems too emotional for a ‘Hey, I forgot to
tell you goodbye when I left MaCann so suddenly.”
Because the opening credits of Mad Men, which had a black
silhouette of Don Draper falling out of a Manhattan skyscraper, I always
thought Don was going to kill himself at the end of the series. It would have seemed fitting. Maybe what it actually implied was a fall from grace, a fall from the top, a death to self?
While
talking on the pay phone to Peggy, she can tell something is wrong with Don.
She can hear him despairing. She tells him, “Don’t you want to work on Coke?" (The coveted Manhattan ad account.) She begs, "Don,
come home.” Don confesses his major sins to ‘safe’ Peggy who has always
forgiven him for being an asshole. Then he hangs up.
In the next scene, he’s invited by a random woman to go into a
‘share your feelings’ therapy session. He doesn’t go to the session for
himself. He goes because the woman said she ‘didn’t want to go into the group alone’
(and probably because if she had a little makeup on and hiked her long skirt up, she would look halfway
acceptable to have sex with later).
Sitting in the group, the woman, looked like she was trying to
‘will’ Don to go sit in the ‘share chair’. Everyone knows what Don needs to do
except Don. Don hesitates to go sit in the chair. Instead he looks irritated by
others and goes inward and then stares ahead unresponsive (classic passive aggressive
move because it's not about him).
The man in the ‘share chair’ begins to share his pain around
feeling alone in the midst of being surrounded by others his whole life. Don
looks up and listens; he seems to be snapped out of a catatonic state towards being self-destructive. Don is deeply moved by this man’s vulnerability. The ad-man
who had it all, who kept his well-dressed emotions in check in front of people, walks over to the
crying man and then kneels down. He grabs the depressed man and hugs him
tightly. Together they wept (no, sobbed).
In that moment I’m wondering why I’m so uncomfortable with Don
Draper crying? 'Holy conditioning Batman', I’m a child of the 60’s and 70’s where we don’t
see grown men cry. It’s perceived as weakness. I hate lascivious Don Draper. Soft hearted Don Draper makes me uneasy. Please stop crying Don!
But after a few more moments of sobs, I’m glad Don finally
found empathy and emotional IQ. I’m glad he questioned his thoughts. He faced
his (ego-inner demons) and found inner redemption. Don’s not so self-absorbed.
He’s listening and he can identify. He's not being distant and cold. He’s not telling someone his troubles. He’s
not blaming others. He’s not expecting anyone to meet his need for instant
gratification. He’s sympathizing versus trying to fix a situation that makes
him uncomfortable. He entered into another’s pain. He’s un-burden his soul. He’s
actually exhibiting true self-awareness and not running. He’s showing social
awareness by being ‘other-centered’. Finally!!!! I waited 6-years for that
moment!
In the last scene, Don’s outside on the CA retreat center lawn,
eyes closed, sitting cross-legged uttering ‘OM’ a few times. (Since I teach
yoga and meditation, this was kinda funny to me.) A soft smile emerges on Don’s
face. He’s gotten quiet and still. He’s not running anymore from anyone (mostly
himself). He’s gone inward and looked at his thoughts and allowed his
experiences (both good and bad) to teach and transform him. It looks like Don has found peace.
The Mad Man Series Finale
ends with the iconic 1971 Coca-Cola ad “I’d like to buy the world a home and
furnish it with love……I’d like teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony.” Oh
my gosh, hippies. My people. (Kim smiling!) Me too, I'd like to 'buy the world a home and furnish it with love.' That's all I've ever wanted. It's all Don ever wanted (but didn't know how to created it.) I think it’s implied, ‘It’s the
Real thing’ that Don went home and made the greatest commercial of all time.
